Penalised for being a single parent with a boy!!!!

[Zeezee25]

Firstly I would like to say ?hello? to everyone, even though I have comes to mumsnet to get info I didn?t signup sadly. Just to warn you this will be long!
Today I am faced with a situation and would welcome any advice or criticism, if I am wrong please tell me and help me understand.
A little background, I am a single mum who is 25yrs old with a 5yr old boy. I?ve currently finished my penultimate year of uni and work part-time. My son is your average little boy who goes to school and is a member of a swimming and football club.
Recently I have noticed that his swimming has improved but may need a little more help to improve his technique, adding to him also asking why I never get in the pool with him (im just so busy), I decided I would take him to my local pool once a week with me.
I get there and I first ask if there is women swimming times and I am told ?yes?. The times are perfect, 3days a week. I thank her and say my son will be so happy, and then it all changed from friendly to becoming defensive. The lady replies with ?oh sorry it?s only for women and girls?. I say ?ok, when can I bring my son? which she replies with ?only in public times?. The conversation went back and forth with me explaining I don?t take him in public for religious reasons also I am just not that confident in swimwear to be swimming with men around. She then suggests I ask a male family or friend to take him, this annoys me as he does go swimming but not with me which was the whole point of me coming. She further explains that women have complained that they don?t want little boys around, even little boys as young as 2yrs of age (I decided to ask what boy age was appropriate).
I was informed the pool programme is: 1 day ? women only no children, 2 days ? women and girls.
What I am annoyed/angry about is that 3 times a week these women can go swimming and I am told too bad. Why is there two days for women and girls and not one day each for girls and boys (even add little girls to the boys day I don?t really care). I felt extremely penalised for being a single parent, even more penalised for having a son and not a daughter. I also feel kids (babies in my eyes) are being made to be what they are not. Kids don?t care who is in the pool or what you wear or how you look. My son will swim with me and not care about anyone else. Am I wrong they change one day so little boys can swim with their mothers? I know I can?t be the only single parent in the community with a son, our needs are completely ignored.
Anyway it ended with me being told I cannot bring my son and to come public times or just not take him. I feel really sad now as I am faced with not taking him because I can?t bring myself t wear a swimsuit with men in the pool. Most of all I feel guilty for letting my insecurity hold my son back from improving his swimming. What advice would you give me? Have you had situations like this? If I am just complaining for no real reason please help me understand. Thank you so much for reading my very long rant.
Zeinab

[Rowanred]

Just put your son in a girls' swimsuit and tell people be's a girl. Sure no ones going to check!

[whois]

YABU and pretty entitled.

If you want to go swimming and don't want to be around men then go to a female only session. They exist obviously at your pool.

If you want to go to a PARENT and child session then you can but there might be dad's there too.

[MissFelicityLemon]

I'd like to go to my pool and swim naked because I like it.

I'd like to go to my pool for adult only session where there are no children allowed.

Unfortunately my pool don't offer the former, which is obviously discriminating against naturists, or the latter, because at night they give the pool over to water polo and assorted other clubs.

I just have to live with it. Because thems the rules and that's life. We can't all get what we want.

[RoooneyMara]

I think it's unfair that little girls are allowed but little boys are not...unless of course, well you say yourself, you aren't allowed to swim with men.

So if you had a daughter - what would you do? I think you'd be glad of the mums and daughters swimming session.

I can understand why you're feeling discriminated against and if they are providing a women and girls session they really ought to provide a session for women and boys -

fwiw, what is the cut off for yourself and your son to swim together?

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

op if you had a daughter and took her to a women only session and another parent was allowed in with her son what would you do?

[ceebie]

OK, so the pool has rules but there is no reason you couldn't request a meeting with the manager to discuss. The manager might be interested in your view and might be able to change one of the sessions to a parent and child session. It would be up to them what age limit to set.

[cantspel]

A public pool should be open to all members of the public regardless of sex.

[ceebie]

Sorry, I meant women and children, not parent and children, obviously

[sparkle12mar08]

I never understand why those suits are considered modest. You can see every bump and curve, it's just not skin coloured. But hey, double standards were always a religious perogative, whatever the religion.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

I'm confused, is this in the UK or not?

Apologies to be blunt OP but if you're not in the UK certain info may be useless to you.

If you are however, I'd tell your local council you feel this is discriminatory. I doubt anything would happen but if it did you'd need to accept it was to free ALL men/boys from discrimination, not just male children of an age you decree okay.

I find this all strange, but it's not my culture. I agree it should be PARENT and child lessons. If you're okay with men being there, perhaps that could be your complaint to the council?

[Madamecastafiore]

This is all a bit discriminatory towards men isn't it?

[louee93]

You can get long swimsuits that cover the body. If it means so much to you, you would go to the public sesh. I don't think anyone is penalising you, thats making it sound personal- not everything can be finely tuned to meet everyones needs.

[Pennyacrossthehall]

cantspel "A public pool should be open to all members of the public regardless of sex."

+1

[fromwesttoeast]

In my town there are men only sessions at at least one pool.
Have you tried finding out about community groups in your area? You may find one running the type if session you want. Not all swimming has to be at main council pools.

[TanglednotTamed]

YANBU - your little boy should be allowed to swim. He's the one being penalised.

[MrsBethel]

Gotta say, I don't like any of this discrimination. I'd go to the family sessions, and I wouldn't let men dictate what I could do or where.

What sort of message is it sending to the child otherwise?

Let them take their blatant misogyny and shove it.

[LessMissAbs]

People overcome all sorts of hardship in life. There is a severely disabled man who swims in the public session at my local pool. The OP is very vague on whether her religion permits her to swim where men are present, ir as to whether she is a member of a religious or ethnic minority.

I also wonder how the OP has become such a proficient swimmer with such objections to using public pools, and what the benefit to her DS would be if the rules were changed so as to accomodate her needs (which I think from what she has said seem to be down to her own personal feelings as opposed to strict religous doctrine), beyond the benefit of what swimming skills she can muster while draped in swim-limiting 'swimwear'?

Would we be as sympathetic if the OP had said she was Christian but interpreted her Christianity in such a way as to disbar herself from swimming when men might be present?

[persimmon]

Is it even legal to bar such young children on gender?

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

I'd be pretty pissed if I went to 'women's' swimming and found loads of kids there - boys or girls, in my mind its when adults go to exercise not dodge children playing (which they absolutely should be able to do). I always thought that's what 'women' and 'men' hours were for, as well as helping the more self conscious of either sex feel more comfortable although assuming men will be more critical of your body is a BIG assumption

[LessMissAbs]

I think it might be Persimmon, as its on the potentially acceptable reason of necessity, as where only male changing facilities were available, or a nurse had to be female for medical reasons. You would probably need a test case (perhaps the OP could bring one?) but I would be surprised if the local authority hadn't taken legal advice on such an issue already.

I just think the OP is trying quite hard to be discriminated against or draw attention to this and wonder why she has'nt come back on any of the suggestions, particularly since she admits she could swim in a public session after all, albeit with what she considers to be a suitable costume.

[ArthurSixpence]

You want to try Marks and Spencer, OP. I can't take my daughter in the individual fitting rooms because although they are all seperate and with their own door, one lot is male and the other lot is female, apparently. Being as I am male, I can't go in the female ones, and being as she is female (aged 3) she can't go in the male ones. I have to use the disabled fitting room, apparently.

Never heard of a mum having to do that with her son, mind you.

As for swimming, I wouldn't be happy if a load of kids were at an adult session. You need a parent and child session. All the other parents will be too busy with their kids to worry about you.

MissFelicityLemon you can use my pool :)

[currywurst3]

Women only sessions are not legally enforcible because they are blatant discrimination, you are within your rights to take your son in no matter what they say.

[ArthurSixpence]

So I can just turn up at women only swims, currywurst3? I'm a man who is nearer to 40 than he cares to admit, if that makes a difference.

How would the OP feel about that I wonder?