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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take ds away without DH?

68 replies

AaDB · 21/06/2013 20:31

I have been self employed until recently and have found a new full time job. They have been very understanding about arranging a delayed start date so that I can support my DM through cancer treatment and this also means I will have the school holidays off with DS (6).

I would love to take my ds away somewhere hot for a week. DH is gutted and doesn't want me to go away without him. We share money however, I am the main earner. My new job will mean long hours and stress and I would love to have a break with my lo before I start.

He has a few breaks away with friends arranged - this is fine by me. We have agreed to two trips away with friends a year; even if this means sleeping in a spare room in a different city.

I see this trip as one of mine. It is lovely that DH wants to go. It is easier and cheaper to arrange something for just ds and I.

AIBU?

OP posts:
annielouisa · 21/06/2013 20:35

Do you often have holidays away with DS as a family? Is you DH upset that he is missing out on family time?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/06/2013 20:36

So your DH could get the time off to come with you and wants to come but you want to go alone with your child, is that right?

I really don't know how to answer, it would never occur to me to do such a thing and i doubt it would DH either.

Why don't you want him to come? I don't see what you being the main earner has to do with it, that doesn't give you the right to dictate spending.

Original poster
AaDB · 21/06/2013 20:38

As £ allows, we have family holidays. We usually go away and leave DS in the other's care. Suggesting that I go abroad on a family holiday by the beach without DH is unprecedented.

OP posts:
Squitten · 21/06/2013 20:39

I would expect my DH to come on a family holiday unless he had a commitment that meant he couldn't and was happy to stay at home. Going away with your son isn't the same as a solo trip with friends - your DH will undoubtedly want to spend time with his DS too.

You seem very callous about it TBH - you're the main earner and it's easier to dump your DH out of it so off you go! I think I'd be very hurt if my DH thought that about me.

hippohugger · 21/06/2013 20:41

If your DH cannot get away, but you want to go anyway with your DS, then YANBU.

But if he can get away, and you want to go without him... that's a bit rude, isn't it?

Sparklysilversequins · 21/06/2013 20:43

No I don't think you are being actually. Why not? Can't stand this joined at the hip stuff. Your DH is going away by himself yes? And you want to go away by yourself but don't want to leave ds behind?

I don't see anything wrong with this.

Sparklysilversequins · 21/06/2013 20:45

If he is that bothered about spending time with his DS maybe he should book a holiday away with him instead of his mates? Instead of trying to do that AND muscle in on the OP's holiday too.

shockers · 21/06/2013 20:47

I've just been away with my DS for a week, DH paid for it as birthday presents for the pair of us, as he was booked up with work. He also looked after DD, as her SN would have prevented her from most of the activities on the holiday (watersports).

I loved every minute of it, but wished he was there too. I don't think I would have enjoyed it without his full blessing ... it was lovely sending him photos of our exploits and having him get excited with us!

Sorry... that probably doesn't help at all!

Original poster
AaDB · 21/06/2013 20:48

Earning more money doesn't give me any right over spending money. However, I have my own money and this would not come from a family budget.

DH has limited time that he could take off because he already has two trips away arranged. I went away for two nights and stayed with friends earlier in the year. I would like to book something that DS would love.

The situation is a practical one in my eyes. I will never have as much time off as I do now (until we retire). I want to make the most of it and bag a bargain if possible. I couldn't go away to a holiday destination that ds would love and not take him.

OP posts:
annielouisa · 21/06/2013 20:50

I agree that couples do not need to be joined at the hip but it is the fact that DS is going that makes a family holiday. Family holidays are about making special memories.

Sparklysilversequins · 21/06/2013 20:50

Do it! You make valid points. There's nothing wrong with this Smile.

Nerfmother · 21/06/2013 20:50

I had a fantastic weekend away with ds - I love having a bit of quality time!

Yonihadtoask · 21/06/2013 20:51

YANBU if DH cannot get time off work or has other commitments.

YABU if DH wants to join you and DS on a family holiday but you are vetoing it as he has other breaks planned.

I have no issue with taking separate holidays with the DC - we do it a lot here, but only with full agreement of all parties.

dufflefluffle · 21/06/2013 20:53

Until I had DC#2 I took my DD away every year on holiday as DH was working. Usually I went with a friend but also just the two of us. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Dh never minded. Haven't done it in a long time though as taking two away on my own just doesn't appeal!

wendybird77 · 21/06/2013 20:55

I used to take trips with just one of my parents - all 3 of us did. It was great to have a parent all to yourself and I cherish those memories. I would go and enjoy every moment. You won't get many chances. As above, your DH should book a trip with DS too!

Ragwort · 21/06/2013 20:57

I don't see anything wrong with it, my DH and DS often have holidays away together - they have hobbies/interests that they share and want to go and do them - doesn't bother me in the slightest (actually I prefer to be home alone Grin).

Original poster
AaDB · 21/06/2013 21:03

DH wants me to look for holiday and then go back to him so he can check if he can take time away from work. It is logistically more difficult to include him.

OP posts:
whois · 21/06/2013 21:07

I don't see the problem. I used to go away with just my mum as she had a bigger hokidy allowance than my dad. Infact, it's something we still do now even though I am an adult and they are both retired!

Families don't always have to do everything together.

dopeysheep · 21/06/2013 21:14

I have been away quite a bit just me and the children it's lovely. Quite a different dynamic that is fab.

I think your DH sounds a bit selfish and a tiny bit controlling. Apologies if that is wrong and I do see that he wants to be included but it makes things very difficult for you.

I think you should go.

Wonderstuff · 21/06/2013 21:22

I'm a teacher and DH isn't, so I get lots more holiday, I often go away just me and the kids, DH is cool, in fact quite enjoys the lie ins.

So no YANBU, nothing to stop your DH doing similar another year.

JackNoneReacher · 21/06/2013 21:25

It is logistically more difficult to include him

That is just mean.

If he can't get holiday YANBU (esp if its because he has already used his holiday to go elsewhere)

If he can't come because you can't be arsed booking a room for 3 instead of 2 YABVU.

JackNoneReacher · 21/06/2013 21:27

What wonderstuff and whois are describing is different. Its fine and works for everyone.

Totally different to you saying its more complicated to book for 3 even when your DH wants to come.

Sparklysilversequins · 21/06/2013 21:28

Why is it mean? Confused

Presumably DH doesn't have to hang around waiting for OP to supply him with dates for HIM to go away.

She wants some time on her own with her child.

I really can't see the problem here.

BackforGood · 21/06/2013 21:39

I think YABU as a family to prioritise 'trips away with friends' over a family holiday together Confused

Not entirely clear if your dh has holiday he can take or not - if he can't get away, then it's not unreasonable to go just you and ds, but if he can, then it sounds strange to me, to want to exclude him Confused

Mind, seems odd that your new employers have allowed you to delay the start so you can be with your Mum, but then you are not spending that time being with your Mum.

JackNoneReacher · 21/06/2013 21:43

A family holiday - where one member of the family isn't invited...

She's got the whole summer alone with their child before starting a new job.

The OP It is easier and cheaper to arrange something for just ds and I. If a man wrote this I think the replies would be very different.