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AIBU?

to take ds away without DH?

68 replies

AaDB · 21/06/2013 20:31

I have been self employed until recently and have found a new full time job. They have been very understanding about arranging a delayed start date so that I can support my DM through cancer treatment and this also means I will have the school holidays off with DS (6).

I would love to take my ds away somewhere hot for a week. DH is gutted and doesn't want me to go away without him. We share money however, I am the main earner. My new job will mean long hours and stress and I would love to have a break with my lo before I start.

He has a few breaks away with friends arranged - this is fine by me. We have agreed to two trips away with friends a year; even if this means sleeping in a spare room in a different city.

I see this trip as one of mine. It is lovely that DH wants to go. It is easier and cheaper to arrange something for just ds and I.

AIBU?

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AaDB · 21/06/2013 23:51

Sorry, I would like to take my ds away for a week.

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JackNoneReacher · 22/06/2013 00:01

I think the weekends away idea to see friends or have a break was great. But i think its unfair to change the rules and make it a week with ds and refuse to let dh come even though he wants to.

Enjoy your summer with ds and hope your mum responds well.

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Snazzywaitingforsummer · 22/06/2013 00:05

The bit where you say 'It is logistically more difficult for him to go', makes him sound like a colleague or a nanny. Not a husband. Likewise the 'easier and cheaper' bit. Lots of things in life are easier and cheaper if you do them on your own. Something about your 'family holiday' arrangements seems odd.

I can see your point about wanting to do a family friendly complex that normally your DH wouldn't go for. Why not plan for all of you to go but say you would like your choice of resort, hotel etc, this time since he is getting separate weekends away too which presumably will be done according to his tastes?

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BackforGood · 22/06/2013 00:06

I think a weekend away with friends is very different from a week's holiday. If the other breaks have been weekends though, I don't understand why there is a problem with your dh getting leave to come, other than fitting in with colleagues, but then surely the logical thing is to find what days he can have, then search with that as your starting point.

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 00:17

Thanks Jack, DM had the best possible prognosis.

DH did not want to come to Haven, Pontins or similar. He isn't upset with the idea, of me taking ds away. He doesn't want me too take him somewhere we all would enjoy. When I looked at prices, I could go abroad for not much more and it escalated from there.

I have the opportunity to go to the States for the entire school holidays. I would not do this unless DH could come with us. He could not take that much time off.

I plan and pay for holidays and so DH would be unlikely to arrange similar time away for just him and ds. I would do this for them if the situation was reversed. I'd also love to plan a trip as a couple but oh isn't keen to leave ds yet.

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 00:27

It is logistically more difficult. I would have to plan around DH's existing plans. I would be looking for a cancellation and being flexible would get a better deal. DH is proposing that I find a deal and run it be him to see if he can arrange leave. If he can't he would like me to look for something else. This is what I, can't be arsed with.

This is unprecedented. I have never been in a position that would mean this should be possible. It isn't how we normally take holidays. I have taken ds with me for trips back to my home city. I've never proposed a proper holiday.

The difference between a weekend away or week is 3 more nights. I don't think it's much of a difference.

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Sparklysilversequins · 22/06/2013 01:31

I actually think your DH is being quite selfish. As you say it's unlikely you will be in a position to do this in the future. I think you just want it to be easy and with running dates by him and changing it to suit it will become a chore. I think that just for once you'd like it to be easy and to have some time on your own with your ds. There's NOTHING wrong with this. I hope you get it all sorted .

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 15:42

I think opinion is divided. I'll compromise and see if I can find something for the three of us between a few dates suitable for DH. If I can't find anything, I'll think again about just taking ds.
all

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 15:43

I agree sparkly

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Justforlaughs · 22/06/2013 15:53

Last year we all had seperate breaks as we have a wide range of ages and my DH and I took it in turns to take each child away individually for something that interested them as an individual. It came at the expense of a family holiday but it worked for us. I have once taken them away without DH for a short break with a single friend and her children, but I would never dream of doing so if I thought that he wanted to come with us. I don't really understand why he would want you to let him know when you are going so he can try to get the time off. Surely it's just a case of sitting down on the internet and finding something on dates that DO suit both of you?

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 16:36

I don't think it is easy because he had two fixed trips (fine). Due to already having leave booked, he will need to go in and check with work before I can book it. If that date is unsuitable, I will have to go through the same again. If it is just ds and I could go the next day.

I could leave it all to him and just transfer the money. I usually book holidays and have more time to look. I'll see what he says about having a look. I find it all a bit of a faff anyway. Maybe he can find a bargain?

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Justforlaughs · 22/06/2013 17:14

What if you told HIM to book a break for all of you, as you are more flexible than him?

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AaDB · 22/06/2013 23:31

He is working much longer hours than me at the moment. I think it makes sense fire him to do maker the arrangements, not least because see he'll realise it may not be the five minute job he imagines. I'll happily pay.

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PrettyKitty1986 · 22/06/2013 23:42

Frankly, I think yabu and a bit weird. You sound as if you are referring to an annoying distant relative that you feel a bit obliged to invite.

If I want to spend time alone with the dc then I arrange a nice day activity for us when df is in work. I don't plan a family holiday, but leave half of the family out because it's more hassle to book for everyone.

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acheekyvimto · 22/06/2013 23:49

YANBU, ignoring some of our other issues, DH is off for a lads weekend next weekend. I'm taking the kids away the first week of the school holidays

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AaDB · 23/06/2013 10:55

A bit weird? Eh . Arranging a holiday to include him IS awkward over the next few weeks. If this was Haven or Centreparcs, DH wouldn't care. For the same price, we could go abroad.

We don't have any help with childcare and so we have to do things separately. We do lots as a family, but also each take Ds out on our own. I've taken ds away for a few days visiting but never abroad. It isn't unusual for us to do things apart. Ds and I won't stay in over the school holidays because DH us at work and may miss out.

I understand the suggestion that one parent could go on holiday without the other is incomprehensible.

If DH is having scheduling problems, he should try to arrange a suitable FAMILY holiday for the three of us.

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Sparklysilversequins · 23/06/2013 11:10

FGS! It's NOT weird it's just different to what YOU'RE used to.

OP just do what YOU want to do. It will be a lovely special time for you and ds. It will give you memories you will always remember. It is one week, just for you and ds away from DH out of a lifetime together. He can always do it with ds himself another time can't he?

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AaDB · 23/06/2013 13:21

I'm sure lots of things we do as a couple are weird. 10:30am is our cut off point for a lie in and we meet religiously at 9pm on the couch to chat and watch TV.

I think it's weird that couples don't do anything apart. Still, if my friend wants to bring her DH to watch a film and go for cocktails with a group of women he does know, he will be welcomed. My DH would rather stick pins in his eyes; plus we would have to bring ds.
Each to their own.

Maybe the question should have been: 'Is DH bu for agreeing to me taking ds on holiday for a week but stipulating it must be somewhere he doesn't want to go? '

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