to be a sham even though I can't afford it?

[Picoo]

I would really like to stay at home with my DS I don't really enjoy my job and I would like to be a full time mummy. The thing is we could only just about afford it. We would have to pay interest only on our mortgage, give up insurance such as health and maybe house insuranc my husband would have to work longer hours, etc. We would be pretty poor, and we have zero savings, but at least I would be with DS.

Is it crazy to live a poor existence but be there for DS, or should I go back to work and be more financially secure?

Oops x post. amazing clearly can't be arsed to scroll back either!

Ah sorry I get you now - Agreed!

As I said in my post just above yours, it was the question I asked at 18:59:16.

Correct Jinsei

Ah ok the 'it makes me a better mother in the time I have with them'

Well I've heard this from several friends who WOHM. I just think it's a cop out to be honest. I'm not in blissful heaven all day with DS, but it's a commitment, a relationship, a role. Most jobs are easier when done part-time. That's how I see it. But I don't think you can be a part time parent. Or you can, but it's not very good for the child. DS sometimes sees me reading or doing hobby stuff. He knows I shower, spend time doing my hair, laundry, go to Tesco, you know, just live life. I make phone calls, I have strops, I see friends who make me laugh and sometimes I get annoyed. He sees the whole parent iyswim. Not an edited highlights version. Not a nursery environment where everything is geared around him. It's real life, every day, being modelled as naturally as can be. It's not some kind of performance, being a parent, the child isn't judging you. You can have bad days. At my previous workplace we were all v envious of the lady who worked one day a week and was always so so calm, composed and organised! Parenthood isn't like that, it's just not. I'm a good parent because I'm physically right here with DS. It's literally that simple.

Does that answer your question?

You haven't answered my question yet either amazing. How do you think my dd suffered as a result of the arrangement described above (posted at 22.25) and how would she have benefitted more from having me or DH around for an extra four hours a day?

FWIW, I share your dislike of nurseries for very young children, but it isn't usually a choice between one parent giving up work and becoming a SAHP vs sticking your baby in nursery for 10 hours a day. There are so many other ways of arranging things.

And if some parents do make the choice to use a nursery in spite of all the other options that are available, I would conclude that they had considered the options and found the nursery to be best for their particular family situation.

I think you have to find a balance that works for you. I didn't want to put mine in nursery too young, so I worked evenings and weekends. Once at pre-school, I went to working mornings.

I gave up my career job and did lower paid work. But it brought enough in for us to be comfortable. For me, I would have been miserable if we'd not had enough money and I'd have worried about it.

Now I have a reasonably good job (although not in my former career), mornings only. It's flexible so I can pop out for an hour for meetings/plays at school. We use a childminder for mornings in the holidays which works well for us.

I think in your situation, if you do really want to be at home, perhaps get a Saturday job with a couple of evenings, or one other day in the week.

You could then change to weekday mornings or something once your dc is a bit older.

I expect you'll be waiting a while flowery!
I'm still awaiting an explanation of how my children have had a less good life experience due to having spent some time with a cm and at nursery

Jinsei I think your arrangement sounds awesome and I don't know anyone irl with childcare for only 4 hrs a day, with a nanny, in their own home. It sounds perfect. Irl everyone I know (London commuters) who has rtw, their babies are all in nurseries for long long days. That's my gripe.

Janey I'm not some sort of SAHM FAQ

I'm a good parent because I'm physically right here with DS. It's literally that simple.

So is your DH a bad parent because he isn't physically there?

Believe me, dd doesn't get an edited "highlights only" version of me, she gets the whole sorry picture! And that just happens to include the fact that I go to work!

Ah once again amazingg has talked all about herself.
No response to how she supposedly knows what's best for other people's families. The best she can do is to suggest you're 'copping out' by holding your views flowery.

So, not only does she not answer, but she insults you to boot

Oh janey eff off if you're just going to be rude.

And I don't know anyone in RL who puts their children into nurseries for long long days! I guess that's why we chose never to live or work in London! :)

And yes, it was an awesome arrangement that we had. My nanny was worth her weight in gold, and taught me so much about being a parent!

oh lol,mrs precious moments having a wee moment to herself
kettle
pot
black

"Edited highlights only" version ROFL, this is descending into the absurd!

Maybe it is a London thing in particular. I'm just shocked at the fact that virtually all the mums I met on mat leave went back to work 3/4 days and put their kids ito nurseries, even though they didn't need the money. Hey ho. It's been interesting discussing it even though I'm so clearly in the minority. In sorry if my views offended anyone. I'm really not an offensive person at all irl or usually even on here - I've just taken advantage of the anonymous forum to be really ranty and honest.

Just read acottishmummy comment.

I'm off. Don't like being on the wrong team on MN. I haven't been rude or personal.

Why are you bothered about what other people choose to do?

I used nursery ft 8-6pm five day week,from 6mth old.nursery had huge waiting list
considerable demand, I booked place 12wk pg.contrary to mn wisdom plenty mums chose this

Janey can you address te point if you're going to criticise? You know what that refers to. The pressure to be the perfect mum, people seem to think if they WOH then they will be 'better parents' when they are there. I disagree and wrote that post to show that kids dot need perfect parents, they don't actually need 'precious moments' or organise activities all day - just being with their parent. As a toddler.

Scottishmummy it doesn't exactly appear that you're in any way 'contrary to MN wisdom' based on this thread. The vast majority on here want to use childcare, you're not unusual at all.

I just think your very judgemental amazinggg you dont have any first hand experience of childcare, but dont agree with any of it and judge people that use it.

I don't think I'm a 'better' parent because I have time at work. Never did tbh. I think I would have enjoyed being at home full time. I just wanted to work too- for all sorts of reasons. It's that simple for many people. But if a mother says , as flowery did, that she feels her time at work makes her a better parent then I respect that view too, because you know, I can get my head round the fact that other people's views are valid too. I certainly wouldn't insult her by saying she's copping out by believing that.