to be a sham even though I can't afford it?

[Picoo]

I would really like to stay at home with my DS I don't really enjoy my job and I would like to be a full time mummy. The thing is we could only just about afford it. We would have to pay interest only on our mortgage, give up insurance such as health and maybe house insuranc my husband would have to work longer hours, etc. We would be pretty poor, and we have zero savings, but at least I would be with DS.

Is it crazy to live a poor existence but be there for DS, or should I go back to work and be more financially secure?

Have you actually canvassed the opinion of many 2yo's, Amazingg.

I know my boss's 2yo howls like a banshee and asks to go to nursery on days when he's home with his mum. They have a forest there.

Annie that was step and not me...

"you can't take the 2yo's view into account"

I make plenty of decisions that aren't what my kids would choose. Because I know more about what's best for them than they do.

Any chance of an answer to my question of 18:59:16 Amazingg ?

Thing is, making decisions purely about what is better for a child today is incredibly short sighted.

We are responsible for our DC for 18 years. Our financial responsibilty may stretch waaaaaay beyond that.

Parenting is a long game. This is sometimes hard to see when wearing the baby goggles.

Skinting the whole family in the long run, may turn out to be a big price to pay...

flowery yes indeed.

And actually, sometimes as parents we have to take decisions our DC won't like, because it will be better for them (and everybody in the family) in the long run.

Actually I'm clearly getting the impression that the goady ones on here wish the children of WOHP were damaged, or unhappy, or lacking in confidence or not doing well at school. It sounds very much as though they want some definitive 'payback' for all the sacrifices they believe they have made.
What a very odd way to view life. I don't expect my children to be any better because I work, and neither would I expect them to be any better if I'd stayed at home

So nobody is actually able to quantify why SAH is better for the kids but they just know because it's apparently a no-brainer.

And that is supposed to end the argument?

Oops, sorry Amazinggg, that was indeed stepaway. And I think most of my comment to you should actually have been addressed to stepaway. Lazy thread reading, my apologies.

Hey stepaway, whatever I said to Amazinggg was actually for you.

Actually I'm clearly getting the impression that the goady ones on here wish the children of WOHP were damaged, or unhappy, or lacking in confidence or not doing well at school. It sounds very much as though they want some definitive 'payback' for all the sacrifices they believe they have made.

Yes indeed janey.

Jinsei- I think they'd stand to be very disappointed to meet some of our children, and realise that - hey- these happy, secure, normal teenagers have in fact got mums and dads who've worked

YY, my dd is disgustingly well-adjusted. It's an outrage!

Surely a lot of people have parents that have worked and are normal? I know I did I cant even remember any of it at all, and I have grown up pretty normal (I think)

I'm really not sure what's failing to compute.
I'll try again.
I work a couple of days a week and currently my cm friend helps out.
She's great, but dd is unquestionably better off with me.

Because
A) I love her. Cm doesn't.
And
B) I love her. Cm doesn't.

Clearer?

She is also very glad that we can afford to fund her rather expensive hobby, whereas a couple of her friends have had to give up.

awaits response along the lines of:
But step away, a child doesn't need their carer to love them, nanny is just as good as mummy'
Unfettered rot.

Careful folks, that's starting to sound like "poor little unfulfilled SAHP" talk, which the thread has been blissfully free of so far.

I'm disappointed this has turned into another SAHP vs WOHP thread, though sadly it was probably inevitable.

The OP asked if she WBU to put her family in a dangerous financial position so that she could stay at home. Most people sensibly replied that SAH is a fine thing if a) you and your partner agree that is what you both want and b) you can afford it. However, if either criteria a) or b) are not met, perhaps it wasn't a great idea and the OP should make her decision very carefully indeed.

And then chaos descended.

Agree with flowery and jinsei about having strengths and weaknesses as a parent and nursery conveniently being good at filling the gaps of my weaknesses.

I can also think of a time (when dd was about 15 months old and her sleep got so far beyond horrific I can't even think about it without wanting to sob) that dd was probably cared for better at nursery than at home. To be honest Nana the Dog would probably have been a better caretaker than the zombified mess she called mummy nevermind her rather lovely (and young, childless, bags-under-the-eyes-less) key carer.

However, I don't work in order to save dd from my inadequacies as a parent. I work in order to provide security for my children. A few years ago dh went to his usual 10am Monday morning meeting with his boss. By 10:30am he had been made redundant and escorted out of the building.

As a result we have spent a lot of time thinking "what could go wrong" with our lives and have spent a lot of time and energy ensuring that, no matter what, our children will not lose their home. They will never go hungry. They will never be cold because the boiler has packed up and we can't afford to fix it. Part of doing this is to have each of us working.

This is our agreed number 1 priority. Different people have different priorities. But this is ours.

I also like the fact that if on a Friday morning (I only work 3 days and have Fridays off) dd says "can we go swimming today" or to soft play or out for lunch I don't have to think about the cost in deciding. We have also had some pretty fab family holidays abroad. So shoot me!

Stepaway - If your oldest was in child care has it actually damaged her in any way?

Clearer?

No

Does that mean you believe all children should be home educated then stepaway ? Or is it only preschool children who are damaged by not being in the company of someone who loves them 24-7?

My cm loved my dd's - she used to ask for them to be there when she had an ofsted inspection

Oh, and she wouldn't charge me to look after them when dh and I went away for a weekend for a wedding.

Maybe you just haven't found the right childcare stepaway...

Pete, if I told you what she's like and then described her siblings, you wouldn't believe me and would eye roll disbelievingly, assuming I'm on some point scoring mission, which would be bizarre on account of the fact that I'm a part time and one time full time wohm!

My mum absolutely loves me, she still would have been a horrible SAHM. I was better off because she did not spend 24/7 with me, but had other interesting things besides me in her life. What would have been the solution here, change of personality?

No I wouldnt I was just asking. I have never been parted from my children in the early years so definitely wouldnt be point scoring.

sizzle, I've used cm's, 2 different nurseries, holiday clubs, play schemes, breakfast and after school clubs. And I still think they're all inferior to me. Maybe I've got a superior complex. Maybe I am Mary Fucking Poppins.