A guide on how to talk to your children...have things come to this?

[INeedSomeSun]

DS got given a guide for parents today, on how to talk to your children. Apparantly 'children who talk at home achieve more at school'.
Some of the ideas are:

• Have a chat while you are in the car

-Walk & talk

• Turn off the telly at mealtimes
• Talk about school & things they are interested in

There's even a list of subjects you could 'start a conversation about'.

Really? Are things so bad that parents need a guide?

Talking to your kids doesn't have to be loud or showy at all, it's anytime, not when you are out and about to be seen by others.

Thecatfromjapan - I have met 100s of parents that dont interact with their children, but a leaflet probably wont help most of them.

Oh, and stories every night from six weeks old. That's always guaranteed to encourage them to talk.

I agree meglet. A lot of people think whats the point in talking/reading/singing to a baby as they dont know what your on about. I hear that frequently as a lot of people dont understand the importance.

Conversation is an art that it is difficult to acquire without exposure and practice. We always sit down to dinner as a family and have a multi-way conversation. We remind the DC not to interrupt, to speak for anyone else or to have conversations between themselves that exclude others.

We also ensure that each DC gets significant one- on -one conversation with each parent, regularly. And we also model adult conversation including complex decision making, negotiation and conflict resolution.

All the things Bonsoir said.

Did the leaflet carry an explanation of the difference between "talking at" and "talking with"?

I don't believe 'performance parenting' is a thing. I don't think anyone does the running commentary thing being actually aware of what anyone thinks. I waffle away to DS when we're out and about with the buggy, I'm sure people think I'm performance parenting but why the hell would anyone do that? I I'm praising him for pressing the button at the traffic lights and waffling on about cars and stuff and going a bit OTT about it, it's probably because I haven't had any adult company all day so I'm going a bit bonkers. When I see women who are full on interacting with their eg 5mo at toddler groups, doing all the activities and talking at them, I just feel a bit sorry for the mum tbh and think 'chill out'. Parenting doesn't have to be done all at once, in a rush!

God parenting is hard enough without having to think I'm being judged for looking at my phone in a cafe instead of talking to my toddler. I'm in the house with him all bloody day talking to him, don't I get a break? He's quite entertained watching the world go by, I bloody hate it when MNers judge someone's parenting on a tiny snapshot.

Eek! Sorry if I offended anyone with my previous post, I realise that reading to your children won't magically make it all better if your child has special needs.

You have to treat children as normal people! They want space too- not a constant barrage of sound. I have problems with the 'performance parent' because they never stop and let the child speak. It is all very well with babies but after that the sort of talk the parent is doing really doesn't need any response- or they are rhetorical questions. You never see the child instigate the conversation. You see families out in cafes and the adults are in conversation and the DC isn't included. No wonder they are bored.
It is really what Bonsoir says- I doubt whether a leaflet tells you that.
You also need a wider variety of openings- I found that if you asked 'what did you do at school today'- you got the response 'nothing much' or similar.

'Really? Are things so bad that parents need a guide'

In many cases, yes. It's not as simple as 'talk to your children' though.
It's whether you have interactive conversations rather than telling them what you want them to do, listening at least as much as you talk, conversations being not just at a basic functional level but exploring new ideas and playing around with concepts.
How many have 'What if?' rambling, philosophical ramblings with their children?
Not enough.

Yes, Miaow- but how many parents never actually find out anything? There are subtle ways of discussing it much later than the school gate.

I could just have said 'What cory said'

I ask very specific questions about school (did you do division with Mrs X this morning? Did you rehearse your play with Mrs Y this afternoon? Who was away today?) as I get better answers.

I am convinced the DCs of loud performance parents just switch off.

I think they do we all know of a loud parent but look at the kids they are glazed over not paying attention as it is all Blah to them , exotic you are right there is a huge difference between performance parenting and actually chatting to your baby and young children

That's interesting, Cory and Cherries. I've found it hard to switch, as they get older, from the steering and nagging instructing mode of parenting to one in which their view really gets heard.

MY dd never does anything at school but as bonsoir said asking specific questions then you get the answers

I agree zzzzz, but I have also met a number of children with good comprehension skills and a wide vocabulary that don't understand how to nave a conversation. Some of them are the consequences of being talked at rather than to, PP take note.

speech disorders are different from what this leaflet is on about I think i said in one of my posts that not all Speech and developmental delay is caused by not conversing with children, but children need interaction babies need interaction from the get go to thrive and talking to and not at your child is really important for them even if they do have a SAL disorder they still need conversation and interaction from parents,