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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH threatening to leave me if I get my hair cut

98 replies

Bilpbip · 18/06/2013 09:22

Okay I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable about this.

DH loves my hair long, very long, it is thick and wavy and in great condition. The problem is that I hate it. I have an active, physical job so I spend most days with my heavy hair in a pony tail to keep it out of my face. It takes three days to dry after a wash and I never have the time nor the inclination to style it.

So last year I got it cut into a shortish bob style. OMG, I love my hair like this its light and easy and I never have to tie it up. DH said on the very first day that he hated it

This morning I mentioned in passing that I intend to go to the hairdresser later and he said thats fine but if I cut it any shorter he will leave! I'm pretty sure he is not serious but I'm still really angry with him.

Honestly my hair looks great in this style! I'm going to get it cut anyway and I'm tempted to test him and get it scalped

OP posts:

TheApprentice · 18/06/2013 09:27

My dh also prefers my hair long. But I don't! I like it in a bob, like you. Luckily he does realise that he has not got the right to tell me how my hair should be - its my hair after all and he gets to choose how he styles his own hair!

I don't think its unfair of your dh to state his preference (although saying he hated your hairstyle is a bit mean), but its totally unfair to start threatening you with it - he doesn't own you. So YANBU.

Marcheline · 18/06/2013 09:28

Yanbu.

Is he otherwise controlling at all?

My DH is allowed an opinion on how I look; sometimes I take it into account, sometimes I don't. If he ever tried to assert his opinion in such a twattish way, I would seriously be considering leaving.

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 18/06/2013 09:30

Shave it all off as a way of rebelling

strawberryswing · 18/06/2013 09:32

Your DH sounds like my DP!
He was the same when I got my long hair cut. I told him to get over it, and he did. I am always tempted to go bald to see his face .

Actually I purposely cut it shorter than I intended just to annoy him, but no YANBU to be annoyed, just go and get it cut extra short

Dackyduddles · 18/06/2013 09:33

Get an undercut. Shave it round ears and nape but leave top long, or one side, quite a few top models have this look. Quite pretty in a very strong way.

Interesting experiment too, dye shaved bit also?

Crowler · 18/06/2013 09:33

It's your hair, sure. He's being unreasonable, sure. But he obviously feels attached to your hair. Couldn't the compromise be the bob?

I'm biased because I can't understand really short hair on women. I understand the ease of it all. But it just doesn't make sense to me.

How can your hair possibly take three days to dry?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/06/2013 09:35

Get it cut and tell him to grow the fuck up! YANBU!

Xmasbaby11 · 18/06/2013 09:36

YANBU. Get your hair cut how you want. But it must still be very thick, so also invest in a hairdryer so you don't spend your life with damp hair.

HeySoulSister · 18/06/2013 09:37

takes 3 days to dry??

Kiwiinkits · 18/06/2013 09:37

Dacky I don't quite believe that an undercut would do an adult woman who's not one half of rap duo Mel & Kim (showing my age here) any justice. Can you link to a pic showing which top models have this cut, so you can assuage my doubt?

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 18/06/2013 09:38

What a controlling horror! If I were you I would cut it shorter because he has "forbidden" it.

I went through something similar with a boyfriend when I was in my teens. He hated my hair short, so I stupidly grew it to please him. I resented him controlling me and the first thing I did when I dump him was have my hair cropped short again - and it has remained this way for 17 years.

Crowler - short hair suits some women, the gamine look can be very feminine, or maybe they like the ease and can't understand really long hair on women, or maybe it's up to the individual themselves. I really don't understand how someone can't understand a haircut.

ParadiseChick · 18/06/2013 09:40

Three days? Is that because it's tied up wet? Does it not start to smell damp?

Anyway Yanbu, he needs to deal with it.

curlew · 18/06/2013 09:40

Are people really suggesting the OP should compromise? Jesus wept!

OP- do your hair the way you like it. Sorted.

specialsubject · 18/06/2013 09:40

how you wear your hair is up to you, although he could be excused for not wanting to be seen in public with someone wearing a green mohican.

bigger problems here? (sadly it often is with posts like this)

busygirl · 18/06/2013 09:41

You said yourself he wasn't being serious.didn't realize jokes are not allowed in a couple.

BrokenBanana · 18/06/2013 09:43

3 days to dry?! Are you wearing it in a plait for those 3 days or something? Would dry much quicker with a hair dryer you know!

Get your hair cut however you want, it's your hair.

KnittedWaffle · 18/06/2013 09:44

You know he is being totally unreasonable.

Have your hair cut and take him home the clippings in a bag seeing as he's so attached to your hair!

ifancyashandy · 18/06/2013 09:45

Crowler, what's not to understand about long hair looking shit on me. My hair grows bushy when past my shoulders.

When it's short, it's glossy and bouncy. Full, shiney amd oft complimented.. And I have a lovely long neck that gets hidden if my hair is long. I'm gorgeous with short hair!

BrokenBanana · 18/06/2013 09:46

He's not being that unreasonable though either, it's totally normal for him to like a particular style on you. It would be unreasonable of him to actually leave you over it though, but I doubt that would happen.

olidusUrsus · 18/06/2013 09:46

I understand the 3 days to dry thing. When you can't/won't use a hairdryer and have to have it up for work it can stay quite damp especially around the hair elastic.

Thick hair woes

YoniMitchell · 18/06/2013 09:47

What an arse. If he's prepared to leave you over a haircut then I'd be booking in for a buzz cut immediately and finding someone less controlling and petty!

Seriously though - it's your hair, have it cut however you want to and get a hairdryer.

AnnieLobeseder · 18/06/2013 09:47

If my DH ever threatened to leave me over anything short of an affair or abusing our DC I'd head straight upstairs and pack his bags. I'm open to compromise and discussion at any point but threats and bullying? Never.

If he was joking, fine, but you might want to discuss with him that you didn't appreciate his joke and let him know how angry it has made you.

valiumredhead · 18/06/2013 09:53

I would leave my Dh if he shaved off his hair

Crowler · 18/06/2013 09:54

Surely he was joking.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 18/06/2013 09:55

It sounds like one of those passive-aggressive 'jokes' where the person is using the opportunity to get a dig in, though they probably wouldn't make good on their threat. Not nice. You should not have to have your hair in a hairstyle you 'hate'. As TheApprentice said, he gets to have an opinion, he doesn't get to tell you what to do and make threats.

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