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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not be excited by a suprise holiday

52 replies

WeWishYouAMerryNameChange · 17/06/2013 20:10

My 'd'p has suprised us with a family holiday of a week in Madeira. How lovely, however it is in 9 weeks, I don't have a passport (it's run out), the dogs jabs are not up to date, I can't find anywhere where I can kennel her when her jabs ARE up to date, it corresponds with a week where my employer has managed to set up some training for us all to do, which I have been asking for in my appraisals for the last 3 years for (it's quite a specialist course, very expensive, everyone is doing at once, if I miss it, I won't get to do it).

But the final straw was, it's with his parents (who are generally lovely in a elderly, don't start talking about immigration to them way) and who have been nagging him to tell me that we are all going on holiday together since before Christmas.

His reasoning for why he didn't tell me before Christmas was because he didn't want me to get stressed! ARGHHHH! So now I have to get my passport renewed REALLY quickly (that'll be because the flight booking need my passport number 3 weeks before we fly), get the dogs to the vets, ring round kennels (and visit them, poor dog has never been kennelled before, think this is stressing me out more than anything!) and I am going to miss out on some amazing training.

Ahhhhhh that feels better

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 17/06/2013 20:13

Don't go, is that an option?

roundtable · 17/06/2013 20:16

Why can't he take care of the dogs?

Passport wise, book an appointment with the passport office if you're worried or do a fast track/checking service with the post office.

Lastly, enjoy your holiday! :)

Original poster
WeWishYouAMerryNameChange · 17/06/2013 20:16

It's looking possible fuzzy, just lose the money on the flights, which we can ill afford to do :(

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 17/06/2013 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lessonsintightropes · 17/06/2013 20:18

YANBU. However, Madeira is lovely, and it's possible to sort out a passport, jabs and kennels in the time you have. More worrying is the presence of the PILs and the training. Have you discussed it with your boss? Is it likely to harm your prospects at work to miss something you've requested a number of times? If so might be better to suck up the cost of date changes (for yourselves), leaving PIL to have a nice holiday in Madeira - which you can also enjoy at a later date :)

fuzzywuzzy · 17/06/2013 20:19

You'll save a bit of money on the passport, I'd be loathe to miss the trianing, you'll be back everyone will have had the training except you.

Could you ask work if the training can be postponed for you?

And as roundtable suggests get you DP to sort out dog.

OddBoots · 17/06/2013 20:19

He can go, you stay home. Yes, it's a waste of money but it sounds like going would cost more (passport and kennel) and it sounds like this training is key.

BridgetBidet · 17/06/2013 20:20

Hmmmmmm, bearing in mind your reaction do you think he might have had a slight point?

NomDeOrdinateur · 17/06/2013 20:23

I'd arrange to defer the holiday for your immediate family only, or stay home.

It will look terrible if you opt out of a one-off training opportunity that you've been requesting for three years in order to go on holiday, and it will place you at a disadvantage compared to your colleagues.

I'm amazed that your DH considered it acceptable to commit an amount of money that you can ill afford to lose to a holiday without consulting you, especially when you work!

ExitPursuedByABear · 17/06/2013 20:24

How could he book a holiday without checking if you could have the time off work?

NomDeOrdinateur · 17/06/2013 20:24

Also - your PIL can't reasonably take exception to the change in plans, considering that they should have told you when your DH refused to do so.

NeverBeenToMe · 17/06/2013 20:24

I went to Madeira for my honeymoon. Never again.

Lots of hills, hope your in-laws are sprightly!

5Foot5 · 17/06/2013 20:25

BridgetBidet You got there before me!

Nine weeks really does sound like enough time to sort this out. The course might be a bit of a blow but maybe some arrangement can be made e.g. access to the course notes of others when you get back.

Shakey1500 · 17/06/2013 20:27

I second him going and you staying home to do the training/dogs etc. Nice sentiment but he hasn't thought it through though has he?

DiscoDonkey · 17/06/2013 20:29

I think you could get the passport pushed through in time. How about a dog sitter who will stay at your home rather than kennels? (Haven't had a holiday in a long time so would move heaven and earth personally!!)

Aniseeda · 17/06/2013 20:36

How long is the holiday? Can you do the training then fly out to join the rest of them?

I wouldn't be happy about this. I wouldn't like being effectively told where and when I was going on holiday and be supposed not to complain because it's dressed up as a surprise treat.

Did he not tell you because he knew you wouldn't want to go with his parents?

My job only lets a certain number of people be away at any one time so this would not work at all here.

ihearsounds · 17/06/2013 20:39

Would you even be able to get AL?

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't enjoy it, because I would be pissed at missing training. I know when I came back they would still be talking about the training, and I would doubt that any future requests for training would be considered.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 17/06/2013 20:40

Do you have 'shared' money or 'his & hers' money?

If you have 'shared' money then I think it's bang out of order him spending that amount of money & springing this on you.

Either way - him booking it & not checking you could get the leave is ridiculous.

Booking you up to 'holiday' Hmm with his parents - shooting offence in my book.

As for the dogs - do you have a friend who could come and house/dog sit?

He's an idiot.

Original poster
WeWishYouAMerryNameChange · 17/06/2013 20:41

My reaction, if he had told me before Christmas would have been 'oh how lovely, what a wonderful idea, I will get a passport renewal form sorted, book an appointment for the vets and start looking round at kennels'

Now however it is ARGH! Yes I have time to sort it, but I don't want to have to do it last minute, it makes me anxious, so instead of looking forward to a lovely holiday I am now dreading it.

I am on holiday from work (it is a term time based job) and the training is being held in the school holidays as this is the only available time the trainers can come and do it. It is being held on one of the training days so there is no possiblity of it being re-arranged. No it won't hinder my career (i don't really have a career), but it is however something that I have requested as progression for a few years now and it is something that the school has decided would be invaluable for all staff to learn the skill (very vague I know, don't really want to out myself)

I have rang a couple of kennels (which have been recommended to me) but they have no space - apparently people tend to book kennel spaces when they book their holidays BEFORE CHRISTMAS! So now I am madly trying to ring round places, which I will want to view as I don't want my dog spending a week somewhere she would be really unhappy in.

I suspect I will have to suck up the cost of my ticket and send DP and DD off for a week in the sun, though the thought of a week at home all by myself is sounding more and more tempting

OP posts:
whistleahappytune · 17/06/2013 20:49

YANBU. I think the training is pretty unmissable and will affect your current employment and future career. Access to course notes is meaningless. If there's any way you can do the course, miss half the holiday and then meet them, then that would be the compromise I'd go for.

For the rest, I think the dogs and passport stuff is sortable within the time frame.

What a daft DH not to have consulted you!

Boosterseat · 17/06/2013 20:49

Agree with oddboots

Having the house to myself for a week with the dog Grin amazing

HighInterestRat · 17/06/2013 20:51

You can get your passport back in three weeks at the moment if you do check and send at a post office.

The dog is inconvenient but yabu because I would love a holiday right now. I haven't been anywhere for four years due to babies and a workaholic DH who would never think to surprise me like that. I'm jealous. Envy Grin

Xmasbaby11 · 17/06/2013 20:56

If you 'don't really have a career' , that implies you don't consider it very important (I may be misreading that). I think you're mostly annoyed with DH for being so thoughtless. A one-day training course is very short to give up a week's holiday for, and surely someone can 'cascade' the info to you.

Unless you genuinely think you wouldn't enjoy it, I would go.

I would ask DH to sort the kennels. Passport can be done in a matter of days if you pay a bit extra. It sounds doable to me.

goodtimesarecoming · 17/06/2013 20:58

Re the dog, where about's are you? I look after dogs, they come to stay

SybilRamkin · 17/06/2013 21:00

YANBU, and he should be the one to ring round all the kennels since it's his lack of consideration that's caused this problem in the first place.