DH has hijacked my holiday

[Hermyninny]

DH is off on a conference and suggested I come with the dc (4 and 1). Lovely (and I know I'm very lucky to get the chance) - it's my first time off this year with the DC. Idea was we'd go to the city, DH would be working at the conference during the day and we'd meet for dinner. We're there two days. After the conference we are going to spend the weekend with his family who live about an hour away.

DH has just told me he's arranged for his father to visit one full day and his mother for the other one. So I'm spending all the time with his parents. His mum is a little hard work but essentially lovely (but we are taking her on a week's holiday in July). His dad is a nightmare and very stressful to be around. I'm hacked off that he's arranged all this without even asking me and can't see why this makes our trip less about a holiday for me and more about his parents. Btw we will be spending three days after the conference with his family and see them regularly,so this isn't the only chance the dc get to see grandparents.

So am I being DIL from hell and a total ingrate or was DH being a bit insensitive to hijack my precious days off... (Dons hard hat...)

Will he be with you during those days or at the conference?

No, we'll see him for breakfast and then at about 6pm.

Why did he arrange that? What was his reasoning?

Tell him you'll see them for the 2 days that you're together, but don't want to see them throughout.

YaNbu!

I think that was spectacularly inconsiderate and clumsy actually.
Why does he think you want to spend two full days entertaining his parents while he is elsewhere? And to organise it without asking?! Dreadful!

ugh that is pretty horrible of him actually

does he often act in such a unilateral and high-handed way ?

Oh god..... are we married to the same man ?! Totally understand where you are coming from. The only way you will stop him doing stuff like this is to be very straight talking and explain your position . Good luck with this because he will probably be able to make you feel a real heel and unreasonable. I speak from experience. But the more often he gets away with not consulting you first the more he will feel entitled to do it in the future.

I'm guessing he thought it would be a very long day for you with 2 little dc in a strange place. I suspect he thought he was helping. Doesn't sound like a "holiday" to me.
That said, I would have thought it would have made sense to chat with you about it first, unless it just came into his head while he was speaking to his parents ? Or he wanted it to be a nice surprise for you ?

Tell them how happy you are that they are looking after the dc for you and how you are really looking forward to visiting art galleries/ shopping/going to spa/whatever you want to do in city with no children.

Lord knows. I don't think he did think. Apart from to try to please his parents. Apparently he arranged for his mum to come to "help" me with the dc. We only have two and they're hardly difficult. I [whispers] actually enjoy being with them - it's the reason I had them!

I'd be making him cancel.

It is not a "holiday" now.
It is two days of hanging out with his parents...followed by a few more days of hanging out with his parents!!

What a prick!

I wouldn't go

Then he needs to "un-do" his invite to them. He CAN NOT be offering your time to other people.

What are you going to do?

I'd say he either cancels them, or you cancel going.

I like my inlaws (especially mil) but I would not thank my dh for this!! He wouldn't dream of doing this to me anyway!!

How would he feel if you organised a couple of days out for him and YOUR mother, while YOU were at work?
Ask him that!

I would be putting my foot down and making him undo the plans he made on your behalf

Does he know how you feel about his parents? I mean really honestly without you being tactful? Is it possible he was thinking that you might not like being at a loose end in an unfamiliar city where you didn't know anyone in sole charge of the DCs, and think that you'd appreciate the company?

If it's possible he could just have been mistaken in this way, then grin and bear it - it's only a couple of days, just tell him not to do that again.

If he did it in full knowledge of how you would feel, then cancel, stay home and let him deal with the fallout.

Tell him this is not happening. No way. No how. If he wont cancel then you and the children will not be going!

Idiot.

Silas, genius idea but his 'd'F cannot be trusted with the children alone (very rude, expects them to be like adults, inattentive, would let them run off, shouty etc).

He's not normally so spectacularly thoughtless, no. I don't think I can duck out of it now as he's made the arrangements. I will however be seeking pay off over the weekend by getting some "me" time...

Ah, you are rolling over

That is a shame

Wealthy, hope we're not married to the same guy! Thoughtless he might be but a bigamist, I don't think he's organised enough...

That is so off. High handed is the right phase. I would be hopping but DH would never never do such a thing. Perhaps suggest he takes the children to your parents for a long weekend while you swan about?

No way would I go. Not only do you have to look after DCs during the day but his parents too!

Would he like to hang out with your parents whilst you were at work?

I would tell him to call them back, explain that he hadn't consulted you and that you have already made plans and apologise for messing everyone about.

he isn't organised ?

Of course he is, he just organised you right off the planet

< sigh >

Anyfucker it's this weekend and my eldest dc is excited about going away and seeing his cousins. The response though has reinforced my view that I'm not weird for finding two days entertaining the inlaws less than delightful. So will have a proper discussion about why him organising my life is a non-starter.