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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has hijacked my holiday

72 replies

Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 19:03

DH is off on a conference and suggested I come with the dc (4 and 1). Lovely (and I know I'm very lucky to get the chance) - it's my first time off this year with the DC. Idea was we'd go to the city, DH would be working at the conference during the day and we'd meet for dinner. We're there two days. After the conference we are going to spend the weekend with his family who live about an hour away.

DH has just told me he's arranged for his father to visit one full day and his mother for the other one. So I'm spending all the time with his parents. His mum is a little hard work but essentially lovely (but we are taking her on a week's holiday in July). His dad is a nightmare and very stressful to be around. I'm hacked off that he's arranged all this without even asking me and can't see why this makes our trip less about a holiday for me and more about his parents. Btw we will be spending three days after the conference with his family and see them regularly,so this isn't the only chance the dc get to see grandparents.

So am I being DIL from hell and a total ingrate or was DH being a bit insensitive to hijack my precious days off... (Dons hard hat...)

OP posts:
EglantinePrice · 17/06/2013 19:27

What AnyFucker said - in each post.

Cheeky bastard. I'd nip it in the bud or he'll do this again.

FriskyHenderson · 17/06/2013 19:27

Nah just tell him the weekend after you are going away with your friend and you've invited your parents up to help him look after the DC and won't that be lovely for him. See how long it takes for the penny to drop.

ENormaSnob · 17/06/2013 19:28

Yanbu at all.

mercibucket · 17/06/2013 19:29

like it, FriskyHenderson Grin go on, do it op Grin Grin

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 17/06/2013 19:30

Oh yes ^ what Frisky said.

pictish · 17/06/2013 19:31

Yes - you must make a point of asking him how he'd feel if the tables were turned.

I cannot imagine what the hell made him think this was ok!

Original poster
Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 19:33

Tempted...

He did take my dad out for a Father's Day treat - a sporting thing they'd both enjoy and that the dc and I wouldn't. But I did triple check with him first that he'd be okay with that as I know that even your own parents can be hard work, let alone all day with someone else's.

OP posts:
JacqueslePeacock · 17/06/2013 19:37

Another here who'd be making him uninvite them. Your DC can see them on the days after the conference is finished. Why should you entertain his parents for two days on your holiday? I'd be putting my foot down now.

FatherReboolaConundrum · 17/06/2013 19:56

I wonder if it's the same two day conference in a UK city that I'll be going to at the end of this week. Is it an academic conference? If you want anyone to ask him some really pointed questions as a very mild form of payback, let me know... Grin

QuintessentialOldDear · 17/06/2013 20:00

To be honest, that is so arsy of him that if I were in your shoes I would tell him you have changed your mind and will relax at home instead of coming with him.

Lavenderloves · 17/06/2013 20:09

Uninvite them or i would go elsewhere.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 17/06/2013 20:09

It is not too late to 'unarrange' it - he simply has to tell them that he hadn't discussed it with you first and unfortunately you already had other plans and you'll all see them at the weekend. No big deal.

But be a doormat if you'd rather.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/06/2013 20:12

Why don't you say no, during the day I will do my own thing with the kids, but when we meet you after 6, your parents can join us then?

LEMisdisappointed · 17/06/2013 20:13

To me, i think he thought he was being helpful, perhaps he thought his parents could show you around? so you wouldnt be on your own in another country, maybe he thought you would be bored? I think he was a bit thoughtless but i don't think it makes him a selfish prick, unless he does this regularly. Could you leave the kids with the ILs on those days and go off to museums and such? Corr, id kill for a city break like that :)

dopeysheep · 17/06/2013 20:41

I don't get why he has done this? What's the point?
It makes no difference to him but puts you in a situation you don't want.
Is it his parents' idea?

Doha · 17/06/2013 20:49

No no no no no.
He did this to please his DP's not you. If he had been thinking about you he would have consulted you first.
Basically he wants to look good to his DP's and not having to do it himself.
I would not be going at all if he didn't uninvite them.
Time for you to grow a backbone and tell him if they go you and your DC's don't.
However going by your past responses to all other posts you will go regardless and bask in your martyrdom. And he will do it again.

Pimpf · 17/06/2013 20:58

I would tell him that he made the plans and now he can unmake them, his problem.

Original poster
Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 21:03

Thanks all. Didn't realise I was being spineless / martyr but I can see it now - i really thought i could have BU. Told him when he got home that I was unhappy he hadn't asked me and it no longer felt like a holiday. He's very hacked off and I don't know if we (dc and I) will be going now. Feel awful.

OP posts:
MrsMangoBiscuit · 17/06/2013 21:07

A few weeks ago I had a dream that my DH did something similar but with DSIL. I was so pissed of with him I actually had to tell him why, and stress that he NEVER to do this IRL! Thankfully he is very understanding so only laughed at me a little before promising. BlushGrin

In your shoes, I would be making DH cancel. Easily done, just say "sorry Mum/Dad, I hadn't checked with Hermyninny, and she actually has plans already" If not, I would still be going, but I would be off and out for the day before they turned up, leaving DH to deal with the fall out.

Seriously bloody rude of him.

AnyFucker · 17/06/2013 21:07

he should feel awful, not you

MrsMangoBiscuit · 17/06/2013 21:09

X post, why the hell do you feel bad?? This situation is his doing, not yours! The only thing you've done is point out that you're not happy with it, and to be fair, who would be? He should be kicking himself that he could have been so thoughtless, and apologising, not being hacked off with you! Who does he think he is?! Angry

raisah · 17/06/2013 21:14

do you think he arranged it so you could have some practicql support with the dc?

He might have thought that you would need help during the day sightseeing etc & getting about in an unknown city.

Goldmandra · 17/06/2013 21:16

Don't feel awful. You've done nothing wrong.

Most people would feel perfectly justified in telling him he had assumed too much and he needed to come clean with his parents about not having consulted you before making plans on your behalf.

If you decide not to go with him where else nice could you go?

apostropheuse · 17/06/2013 21:16

Perhaps he did it thinking you would appreciate the help with the children as he's having to work during the day.

raisah · 17/06/2013 21:16

posted too soon. He should have checked with ypu before arranging it with his parents.

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