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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has hijacked my holiday

72 replies

Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 19:03

DH is off on a conference and suggested I come with the dc (4 and 1). Lovely (and I know I'm very lucky to get the chance) - it's my first time off this year with the DC. Idea was we'd go to the city, DH would be working at the conference during the day and we'd meet for dinner. We're there two days. After the conference we are going to spend the weekend with his family who live about an hour away.

DH has just told me he's arranged for his father to visit one full day and his mother for the other one. So I'm spending all the time with his parents. His mum is a little hard work but essentially lovely (but we are taking her on a week's holiday in July). His dad is a nightmare and very stressful to be around. I'm hacked off that he's arranged all this without even asking me and can't see why this makes our trip less about a holiday for me and more about his parents. Btw we will be spending three days after the conference with his family and see them regularly,so this isn't the only chance the dc get to see grandparents.

So am I being DIL from hell and a total ingrate or was DH being a bit insensitive to hijack my precious days off... (Dons hard hat...)

OP posts:

dubstarr73 · 17/06/2013 21:17

He is sulking so you will back down dont.Even if it means you dont go.If you dont go do something nice that you wanna do.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 17/06/2013 21:39

He's only miffed because it means he has to sort it out. Don't let him delegate that responsibility to you.

DorisIsWaiting · 17/06/2013 21:40

Do not feel bad! Sulking is toddler behavior so ignore.

He can save face with his parents by saying having checked with you you already had plans for those days but will see them all happily when you are together after the weekend.

He needs to do this tonight /tomorrow am!

pictish · 17/06/2013 21:49

myboys is right. He's pissed off because he's going to have to put right his mistake. Don't you absolve him of the responsibility, by caving.
He's got no business being pissed off with you...none at all.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 17/06/2013 21:55

Show him this thread OP.

MR HERMYNINNY YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE.

Pimpf · 17/06/2013 22:12

If you give in ow, he will continue to do this. If he wants to act like a toddler, let him, but treat him like one too. He wants to sulk, fine, but he still needs to sort out his mess

Pimpf · 17/06/2013 22:13

And so what if he's hacked off, if you went along with his plans, you'd be hacked off, sod that!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 17/06/2013 22:19

Why is he hacked off that you don't want to spend two days with his parents - without even being asked - you are an adult, you get to choose whose company you keep, you're not a bloody toddler who needs looking after. HE has created the problem - not you.

You, however, are not done yet - don't say you aren't happy about it, go now and tell him he needs to phone them both and apologise for his mistake.

Don't let this go - stop being walked all over.

Original poster

Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 22:32

Sorry -I started a post but mumsnet went off line. How very dare they?

So I meant to say that I was feeling bad because I was really looking forward to going away and know my ds is too. We wouldn't be able to afford to go away independently as the majority of travel and accommodation is being covered by DH having to go for work anyway. Having said that I'd be perfectly capable of enjoying ourselves at home if push came to shove.

Anyway, I've had an apology from DH both for the original offence and for being an arse when I (well you lot really) called him on it. He's going to sort his parents so we see them at the weekend. I've said it is fine to meet his dad for part of the afternoon for one day as he'd like to take the children somewhere that I know they will all enjoy and we'll then have tea with him (with DH).

Thank you all. I luffs you, I do.

OP posts:

pictish · 17/06/2013 22:35

I have to tell you OP, I read this one out to my dh. We have laughed (sorry) at how outrageous he is.

Ok...we can just about accept he might have thought he was doing a nice/good thing for his parents ...but to come over all put out when it is pointed out to him that he has fucked up, is really taking the pee. How unreasonable you are, expecting him to consult you about how you would like to spend your own free time, and in making him take responsibility for his own mistakes.
Don't you know you're supposed to roll over and do whatever is easiest for him, at your own expense?

There is a saying...
"There is no better test of a man's integrity, than his behaviour when he is wrong."

pictish · 17/06/2013 22:36

x posted tut

Glad he apologised. He ought to know better though.

pictish · 17/06/2013 22:37

Next time I'm sure he will.
Silly person.

BlackeyedSusan · 17/06/2013 23:03

so glad he came round to realising he had mucked up.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/06/2013 23:13

Oh good. From your OP I could only think his parents must be very bored and he wanted you to babysit them, which sounded like hard work.

Original poster

Hermyninny · 17/06/2013 23:24

You know what, I reckon he messed up because when we visit his parents I'm generally v passive. There's a lot of hassle and history (too much and too boring to recount) but as a result I take the view that whilst we're there as long as the children are fed, watered and content, I'll smile and nod. This is not my usual style but trying to be any more in control just isn't worth the effort, particularly as we are only there the odd weekend and don't have to deal with it day in, day out. He has real issues with his dad after a difficult childhood and always seems to be trying to win his favour/appease him.

But because the conference happens to be close to his folks he's treated it as some kind of extension to the madness that is their family. Still he won't ever do it again...

OP posts:

MrsMangoBiscuit · 18/06/2013 06:55

I'm very glad you got it sorted out. Good on your DH for stepping up and apologising, and well done you for standing your ground! :)

pictish · 18/06/2013 07:10

Yep - it was very good that you stood your ground.

newbiefrugalgal · 18/06/2013 07:34

Yippee

So what exciting things will you do with your DC?
I'm so in agreement too by the way!

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 18/06/2013 10:26

Good news Hermyninny

But I would have an eye out for parent pleasing at your expense.

zipzap · 18/06/2013 10:33

Glad it's all been sorted out.

If it hadn't, I'd have told dh that as you already had plans for those days he arranged for his parents to come, it's no worries, they can just tag along to the conference with him and they can enjoy the time and conference together... And then if he called you unreasonable you could have pointed out that it's less unreasonable than organising for them to spoil hijack your day!

Goldmandra · 18/06/2013 16:39

I'm glad he's woken up to himself, OP.

It sounds like he just needed someone to remind him that keeping his parents happy isn't the same priority for everyone else as it is for him.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 19/06/2013 04:17

Well done that MN team woman :)

I hope you have a fabulous time and the DH appreciates how much you keep schtum to keep the peace normally with his parents!! If he doesn't, make sure you bloody tell him!

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