To think BIL''s behaviour ruined our holiday

[OctopusPete8]

we went away the other week with DH's parents , his DB and his family.and our DC's
I have 2 kids under 5.
They have one child under 2,
Every morning BIL wanted to be up and out for 9am, and often it was to places where there was just shops, arcades and nothing else.
We explained to him that 9am-god knows when for a week straight is too much for a three year old and how about going places that were more 'doing something' but to no avail,
Would never wait for us and often leave us behind,
One incident DC1 was being ill behaved but took it upon himself to smack him, we werent there. I have no issue with discipline but I dislike smacking and when DH, told BIL he was out of line and not to do it again he had a very arrogant attitude basically said 'If he's naughty I will tap him the end'.
I awas unsure if I had been told the whole story, MIL who was there defending him and I told her I didn't believe I'd been told everything, turns out BIL smacked DC, DC smacked back and then BIL smacked him again,
It was dripfed though.
MIL defended his actions.
Another incident my DC enjoyed being in his cousins car, he was sick one day just the once. Instead of saying calmly 'would you mind him riding with you' he pointed and went 'He's not coming back in here, car stinks' DH asked would his DD have been kicked out of the car if she had been sick, he avoided the question.
DC was very upset, felt like his family didn't like him and was being punished for being sick.My and DH were livid, BIL does what ever he likes and nobody ever challenges him, ever.
I noticed a lot of double standards too , speeding off infront as their dc got upset in a still buggy and had to keep moving, but if our DC got upset/bored in endless arcades they had to learn .
Pfft, AIBU?

Yep we had the same experience a few weeks ago,were forced on a family holiday then had shit accommodation whilst they had luxury, they wanted to do everything their own way not allowing for the fact we have two dds and sulked if we didn't.
A right miserable 4 days.
Dh has fallen out with them spectacularly as he refused to pay for our scruffy substandard accommodation whilst they were in MTV cribbs style luxury which was apparently as we have children (yes because we normally live in a hovel)
It would be a cold day in hell before we ever holiday with anyone ever again. I've done it several times with really close friends and that still doesn't work.
Have to say id not be responsible for my actions if anyone hit my child.

Shudder. I'd feel like I needed to make a point, you know, although the holiday thing might not come up for ages I would want to refuse the net few invitations to be with my in-laws. You don't want to have to pretend to be nice when they've been so very unpleasant and unkind to you and your children.

Lem I agree this isn't abuse. It's horrid behaviour but abuse would be same over long period and usually hidden from view. Don't trivialise / confuse issues. It's not fair on op or those who have actually suffered abuse.

Really don't get why you stayed with them all day. Every day. Having holidayed with ils I recommend only meeting for lunch or dinner to chat about day. Unfortunately looks like you can't swop kids about for different itineraries....sad. He's an a prize plonker.

Why could you not make up your own itineraries and decide what YOU wanted to do, rather than tag along with bil?

This.

OP why did you feel you had to do everything together?

There was no stalking , aha
Well we didn't do everything together, but on planned days out etc,we planned to be altogether,
Its why the rush we are on hoilday?
he would send MIL round when he was ready to speed us up, so not driving off without us etc.
But I see your points.
Sad to hear some people have had the same sitation as me, unnessecary unpleasantness.

I finally told some of my friends about what happened on the holiday, and they were horrified at both incidents, basically like some above.
I told one mate when I was there and told me I was taking a bit too heart.So I felt powerless then like I was overreacting.
But the 2 mates backed me up and made me realise I wasn't overreacting and making a 3 year old boy feel shunned for being sick..is awful.
I haven't seen bil since the return.

This really. It sounds awful but to a large extent it was self-inflicted cause you just tagged along with them like mugs.

We went away w. BiL and GP when ds1 was a baby and often travelled to places at different times, or did different things, due to his needs/sleep times etc being totally diff to BiL's 3 and 8 year olds. All done w no hard feelings.

I agree we should have made more seperate plans ,

but his being spiteful to a child is nobody's fault but his, smacking someones child,double standards etc

we went on holiday to spend days together!!

I'm actually pretty shocked that you are really quite nasty to another poster just because they don't want to take a 3 hour trip on public transport to pick their partner's niece up.

But you wouldn't confront a fully grown man who hit a small child

YAB a bit U. Not about the smacking, but the rest. You need to accept responsibility, OP. You and your dh made a lot of bad decisions, the first being going on holiday with someone a bit odd. I know you may not have realised it was going to be this bad, but I wouldn't dream of going away with my BIL for a week because we don't get on great and being in close proximity to each other for a week would not work. I also would not leave my kid with someone who has the tendency to behave like your BIL towards children.

Why did you have to go to the arcades/ shopping? Why didn't you do your own things if you have your own car?

Bobyan I wasn't nasty at all I'm entitled to my opinion, I was referring to how the OP was speaking about the child, but then confessed they didn't like kids in general, someone who is
barely looked after by their own mother DOES NOT need to be around someone who doesn't like them/children in general.If you need to make a point do it on the other thread, don't hijack mine.

I agree the planning a holiday was not great, I left my DS with MIL , she allowed that to happen, the fault is with her, when my child is in her care she is responsible.
As for the arcades etc, it was endless turned out there was not much else to do there ....