To refuse to tell my friends to stay in a hotel in order to please my MIL?

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

My friends are coming from Singapore where they've been living for 2 years and will be going round staying with lots of friends and catching up. We agreed 2 months ago what dates they were coming to us and they've planned themselves a tight schedule.

2 weeks ago MIL phoned and asked if she could come to stay for a few days which I said was fine. We discussed dates and initially she wanted to come while friends where here which I said was not convenient as we only have one spare room so we agreed she could come the night after they left. Everything sorted or so I thought.

This morning she phoned to tell me she has now booked her train ticket, made arrangements to invite her friends to dinner at our house (which I'll be cooking!!!) and is coming on the same night as my friends.

When I pointed this out to her she said she must have got confused and they'd need to stay in a hotel as she's booked her ticket now. When I told her that wasn't possible and she'd need to change her plans back to what we'd originally agreed. Now she's phoned DP and told him I've insulted her and she wants him to sort everything out as she "is coming regardless of anything thefuture may say as she's family so more important"

AIBU to refuse to change my plans and tell MIL she can stay in a hotel?

What a bloody cheek!

In general I would put family first & especially have a lone parent as the guest above a couple or more who wouldn't be alone in a hotel B&B.

But if others have booked first, & it's not the only time that the parent could stay...

She is not letting it go, is she? I bet it's something to do with the fact these friends are involved, she's said something like 'oh that date will be fine, i can visit ds when ever i like.... now she dosen't want to say actually no can't do that night, they won't let me.

Am imagining you and your friends hiding behind the sofa when she arrives so she can't get in!!

Tent in the garden for MIL, and a campfire cook out.

Why on Earth do you allow someone to order you to cook dinner?

Nd your DP is spineless.

Let her show up.

Then tell her there's no room at The Inn, and since she is clearly The Blessed Mother, she surely wouldn't mind sleeping in the barn?

I love crazy mil threads. If she does pitch up on the same night, direct her to the sofa/blow up mattress. Inform her of the location of the kitchen and tell her she is more than welcome to use anything she likes to entertain her friends for the night but you will be taking your friends out for a nice meal as they are staying in the guest room as they've had a long journey and made arrangements first. If she's unhappy with this then tough titty. As long as you are polite and firm she hasn't got a leg to stand on. You have made her welcome purely by allowing her to stay but unless you can magically conjure up a spare bedroom there's not much else you can do. I would not be paying for a hotel under any circumstances (for you, your friends or her)

Please keep us updated about how this is going to turn out in the end. Your MIL is bang out of order and I like to see people being put into their place;)

Could she not stay with the friends that you were meant to be cooking for?

YADNBU

she should stay in a hotel. what a cow

"She told DP she'd think about it but that she hoped she was welcome whenever she wanted to stay in his home."

What a horrible woman.

She would never darken my door again.

His home? His fucking home?

It is your home! Yours and his and your children.

Not hers.

And as such of course she isn't welcome to stay whenever she wants.

You are entitled to have guests.

What about your family?

Vile, power playing, crazy bitch.

You are not being unreasonable.

^She may as well cock her leg and spray up the side of your sofa, tbh.
She needs telling.^

So true!! Hope your DP has explained the difference between her house and your house to her.

A unanimous thread on AIBU. Well done OP!

She definitely did this on purpose.
DO NOT let her get her own way

Yadnbu!

She needs to be put straight in no uncertain terms!

She is not anywhere near as important as she clearly seems to think she is!

yanbu and if she does darken your door when your friends are there I'd suggest that she walks to thw local pub for tea and sleeps on the living room floor

She's changed her ticket

She's just phoned to tell us. She complained bitterly that she had to pay an admin fee but she's now coming on the date originally agreed. She's also asked nicely if her friends can please come for dinner one night and I have nicely agreed (they are lovely quite happy to cook for them).

I suspect dp said a lot more to her than he told me. Also suspect that the fact I had a conversation with SIL who said she'd talk to her had something to do with it.

Phew thought we were brimming up for a huge family feud

Good work! She needed that!

She goes to a hotel and has finer with her friends there.. problem solved, she clearly did this on purpose.

Well done OP hopefully your crazy biatch MIL has learned you do not have doormat stamped on your head.

Wow, YANBU!

Well done the pair of you (and possibly SIL as well). People will only use you to wipe their feet on if you let them :)

Good outcome.

Hopefully that has put her firmly in her place.

Oh and "tough titty". Haven't heard this for ages and it really made me laugh.