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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to tell my friends to stay in a hotel in order to please my MIL?

76 replies

thefuturesnotourstosee · 15/06/2013 11:49

My friends are coming from Singapore where they've been living for 2 years and will be going round staying with lots of friends and catching up. We agreed 2 months ago what dates they were coming to us and they've planned themselves a tight schedule.

2 weeks ago MIL phoned and asked if she could come to stay for a few days which I said was fine. We discussed dates and initially she wanted to come while friends where here which I said was not convenient as we only have one spare room so we agreed she could come the night after they left. Everything sorted or so I thought.

This morning she phoned to tell me she has now booked her train ticket, made arrangements to invite her friends to dinner at our house (which I'll be cooking!!!) and is coming on the same night as my friends.

When I pointed this out to her she said she must have got confused and they'd need to stay in a hotel as she's booked her ticket now. When I told her that wasn't possible and she'd need to change her plans back to what we'd originally agreed. Now she's phoned DP and told him I've insulted her and she wants him to sort everything out as she "is coming regardless of anything thefuture may say as she's family so more important"

AIBU to refuse to change my plans and tell MIL she can stay in a hotel?

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 15/06/2013 11:51

Not at all.

She hasn't done it by accident. You know that, don't you?

BonaDrag · 15/06/2013 11:51

YANBU

And no cooking for her or her friends.

Nanny0gg · 15/06/2013 11:52

What did your DH say? Will she turn up anyway?

YANBU at all. Singapore trumps anywhere in the UK.

pootlebug · 15/06/2013 11:52

YANBU. Stick to your guns. You checked dates and agreed she'd come later. I agree with Hecsy that she's done it deliberately.

She can stay in a hotel and her friends will have to come another night (ideally one where you go out and she cooks for them herself!)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 15/06/2013 11:53

Oh. Or - why don't you get your friends to stay in a hotel.

And book a room for yourself there too.

Have a lovely few days break.

Grin

And why the HELL have you not told her no way to her inviting her friends to your home for you to cook for them? Why are you just going to accept cooking. Point her in the direction of the kitchen and tell her to knock herself out!

pictish · 15/06/2013 11:53

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, and while I never advise showing people a thread, you can show your dh this one, just so he can be sure.

No way. She has got a cheek!

Doodledumdums · 15/06/2013 11:55

You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable!! You told her when she could come, it is her fault for not remembering correctly. As for inviting her friends round for a dinner that YOU will be cooking...well that's just pure cheek!

Dawndonna · 15/06/2013 11:55

My MiL tried this. Dh told her where to get off, she hasn't been since. That was 1996!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 15/06/2013 11:57

Stand firm.
She is coming from the UK, your friends are coming from Singapore, that trumps her for starters.
She has done this on purpose. Tell your DP that the friends visit was schedualed first, and his mother was aware of that.
If she has already booked her tickets politely suggest she stay in a B and B, and has a meal in a restaurant with her friends and you will have her to stay another time. How rude of her to assume that she can invite people to your house for a meal?!
Also how rude of her to attempt to dictate who stays in your house, unless she pays your mortgage she has no say!

pictish · 15/06/2013 11:57

You mil thinks much of her own importance doesn't she?

Honestly OP - it's not helpful but if this were me, I would have laughed.

LoopyLooplaHoop · 15/06/2013 11:59

Oh dear. I hope DH told her he was booking her a hotel?

Tee2072 · 15/06/2013 12:00

And I hope your DP said 'Are you insane? You understand they are coming from Singapore, right?'

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 15/06/2013 12:02

Yanbu. Mil is. But if she really can't change her ticket you should probably be accomodating - I've got a tent and a bbq you can borrow so that mil and her friends can meet in your garden.

5madthings · 15/06/2013 12:03

Yanbu at all!

pictish · 15/06/2013 12:04

she wants him to sort everything out as she "is coming regardless of anything thefuture may say as she's family so more important"

You see? LAUGHTER! Grin

I don't allow people to get away with this sort of blatant crap.

My own dad once took it upon himself to surprise me with a visit (he lives 500 miles away) and rang me from 20 miles away saying he was on his way, and made it obvious he fully expected to land on us for two nights presently.
I directed him to a nearby hotel. I had a friend over for the day, and wasn't free to see him. He had to swallow it.

If your mil wants to go in a major self entitled huff over this, then that's her fault. Let her. You are never too old to learn.

hamilton75 · 15/06/2013 12:05

YANBU, she is bvu. Tell her to get stuffed.

What a bloody cheek she has.

Stand firm.

Singapore trumps UK everytime.

BlueberryHill · 15/06/2013 12:05

Agree your friends should stay, if she cannot change her ticket, why can't she stay with her friends if she doesn't want to stay in a hotel.

Bloody cheeky inviting her friends to your house, did she ask you before?

thebody · 15/06/2013 12:06

I hope your dp is backing you up.

Also tell her to tell her friends you arnt cooking for them so they will need to book a restaurant.

Your mil sounds Barmy.

NotSoNervous · 15/06/2013 12:06

YANBU

Your DH needs to tell her NO! Either change your ticket or book a hotel yourself

hamilton75 · 15/06/2013 12:07

If she won't take no for an answer book a hotel for yourself and don't tell her which one!

FannyFifer · 15/06/2013 12:09

Of course she can't stay and why on earth would you cook for her friends, wtf.

Do u have mug written on your head?

Ring her back and tell her she will not be staying under any circumstances.

pictish · 15/06/2013 12:13

Just say no. It really is that simple.
You are not free on that day, and you can't help her.

If she goes crying to your dp again, it's up to him what he says, but I'd advise "That's enough mum - you're being totally unreasonable. I agree with Future, and you have no business arguing the toss about it. We have plans on that day, and we are not available."

ChaoticTranquility · 15/06/2013 12:13

YANBU Your MIL has done this deliberately.

As for inviting her friends around and expecting you to cook, what a cheek. You are not her skivvy.

BlueberryHill · 15/06/2013 12:15

What did your DP say?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 15/06/2013 12:16

Oh my word... how did you resist the urge to say 'Don't be so fucking rude?'

I hope your DH is backing you to the hilt.

Had she asked if she could invite people over when she came to stay?

She would not be welcome to stay at anytime after this little stunt.

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