We encourage children in our cafe BUT

[childfriendlycafeowner]

I hope you don't mind us asking any readers for their opinion on child behaviour in public places.

We run a small cafe in a small town, and we love doing it (opened up 4 months ago). The previous owners did not encourage children and families, we do, we bought high chairs and do what we can to make families feel welcome. But today two girls came in with a baby and a toddler, my guess is the toddler was 2. From the moment she arrived the screamed, not crying because she was upset but screaming because I guess she liked the sound of her own voice. We made comments to the mum in the hope she would take the hint that the child was disturbing all the other customers but her comment was "she is a little tinker isn't she" The other customers threw their food and drinks down their necks and left as quickly as they could, some complaining as they left. She did go quiet for a little while but she was screaming for probably at least half of the 1 hour plus that she was in the cafe.

When the lady came to pay we said to the lady that we are very sorry but unless she can stop her little girl disturbing all our other customers and driving them away perhaps she could sit in our outside seating area with her or not come in. We felt terrible to say this but it really was a terrible din that upset many people.

Are we being reasonable or unreasonable. Would you tolerate your child no matter how young being so disruptive to other people in public

YANBU. Far too many entitled parents out there who seem to think it is acceptable to inflict their child's noise on other people. There is tolerance and then there is balance and then there is selfishness.

To quote Spock: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one"

YANBU. It wouldn't have annoyed me but it would annoy friends of mine who may avoid the cafe in future. I think Edam has the right idea. Approx 2 years is old enough to start learning about how to behave in public.

You alienated the customers and the mum which is not going to do you any favours. You're either child friendly or you're not and it sounds like not.

YANBU, I'd have done the same.

I don't think you were being U, but I feel so sorry for the poor mum. my dd1 threw terrible tantrums from aged 2 right up until she was 5. It was so awful trying to go out anywhere, it got so bad that most of the time I only ventured 10 minutes down the road to the supermarket. On the few occasions we did go to a cafe it was awful, the looks and comments we would get because she was screaming. I would try and calm her down but would end up shoveling the food down our necks and leaving quite fast. What we didn't know back then is that she's Autistic. Of course now looking back it makes sense, but going through it at the time was awful. I think YANBU, but perhaps have a bit of sympathy for the mother.

You cannot really predict when a child will throw a tantrum though and we all did it didn't we

She did not think in a pre meditated way, now....its time for x to scream, so lets go into this cafe and disturb everyone....

You also have no idea how long they will last for. At any moment she may have calmed down. One hopes they do with cake and a drink. and Distraction. Most parents do not actually enjoy it when their child cries. They are smiling and trying not to snap and praying the child shuts up.

My advice is - to not encourage DC in your cafe any more.

They are by their very nature un predictable.

So you will have more DC crying and causing a fuss.

Put a big sign on your door though so you don't have to embarrass the poor mums as they walk in by turning them away.

" No Dogs, No Children".

YANBU at all. But so many parents today seem to think that their children can do as they like and really take exception when they are asked by members of staff to control them. There was and incident near me where the father of a family attacked a member of staff and trashed a pub after the family had been asked to control the children who were running around and generally getting on people's nerves.

These people would be the first to complain if hot food or drink was spilled on their previous little darling as well.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper

Totally agree.

razzle dazzle but the child in the OP wasnt screaming because she was upset, she was screaming for fun...

Really?

How can any by stander possibly ascertain that?

Incredible powers of perception and psychology...

There are places with a distinctive child friendly atmos, and those aimed more at business lunches, workers, couples.

The op is not child friendly she needs to re work her strategy, remove the signs of children and aim at business and couples.

I don't see the contradiction in wanting people to behave themselves while still being child-friendly. Child-friendly does not mean "let your children run around screaming and doing what the fuck they want regardless of the other people around them".

Oh Razzle, do have some common sense and don't sound like one of those entitled parents that 95% of us on the thread can't stand

YANBU

that mum was very selfish!
(dare I use the word entitled?)

if my kids did that I would go as far as to beg you to tell them to shut the fuck up keep quiet, they sometimes take it better from strangers.

don't feel bad, people hate being criticized about their kids' bad behaviour, but some are just blind to them.

Sorry, but as I already said being child friendly does NOT mean that you want to listen to half an hours worth of a screaming, screeching child.
NO WHERE wants to listen to that.
I think that it is very possible to tell if a child is upset/having a tantrum or screeching for fun (which children do)
A tantrum is a very different thing, which I would have a lot more sympathy for.
I think it also makes a huge difference if you can see the parent is doing their best make the child stop.
The OP indicates that nothing was done to stop the noise.
That is unacceptable in my opinion.
Yes children scream,screech and tantrum but that doesn't mean you spend the next hour ignoring it.

outraged or anyone else, what is SN, , please?

YABU-and rude. You are also misleading customers by saying you are child friendly. Whether or not the mum should have tried to stop her child from screaming is irrelevent-some times kids scream. Often for no reason. Give the parents a break.

ashoe - Yes, they do often scream for no reason. But if you are a good parent, and you are in a confined public space with a toddler that wants to do nothing but scream and has done so constantly for 15 minutes, you have the courtesy to realise that there is a time and place, think of other people and take your screaming child out. Expecting other people to put up with your screaming child is FAR more rude than asking a parent to try and control their child which is disturbing other people. The OP has made it clear this wasn't a baby crying for a while but SCREAMING for at least 30 minutes.

dd1 was fine when taken out but dd2 went through a stage of being a nightmare - I had to remove her from a cafe on more than one occasion and take her outside leaving drinks and cakes.

I would take her home, one for that way she would learn we couldn't go into cafes and secondly it wouldn't be fair on all the other customers, they have paid to drink and eat their not to listen to screaming and shouting.

One day dd2 asked if we could go to the cafe as the other children and mums would be there? i told her we didn't go any more as she all ways screamed even at 2/3 she knew and understood this and said she wouldn't. I said ok but if you do scream we will leave - she never played up or screamed again. Children can learn good behaviour

exoticfruits agree entirely

family friendly is for all families not for one to spoil it for the other families

I remember when my eldeat was about 13m he would do that screaming thing.When we were in Sainsbury's I remember a woman commenting on how rude he was.But honestly what do you do to stop it?

But honestly what do you do to stop it?

you take them and sit in the car and don't speak to them

you take them home

you make the time boring

they then stop and you carry on doing nice things

they then learn not to do it as the time is boring and they are not having fun