Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

We encourage children in our cafe BUT

999 replies

childfriendlycafeowner · 14/06/2013 20:07

I hope you don't mind us asking any readers for their opinion on child behaviour in public places.

We run a small cafe in a small town, and we love doing it (opened up 4 months ago). The previous owners did not encourage children and families, we do, we bought high chairs and do what we can to make families feel welcome. But today two girls came in with a baby and a toddler, my guess is the toddler was 2. From the moment she arrived the screamed, not crying because she was upset but screaming because I guess she liked the sound of her own voice. We made comments to the mum in the hope she would take the hint that the child was disturbing all the other customers but her comment was "she is a little tinker isn't she" The other customers threw their food and drinks down their necks and left as quickly as they could, some complaining as they left. She did go quiet for a little while but she was screaming for probably at least half of the 1 hour plus that she was in the cafe.

When the lady came to pay we said to the lady that we are very sorry but unless she can stop her little girl disturbing all our other customers and driving them away perhaps she could sit in our outside seating area with her or not come in. We felt terrible to say this but it really was a terrible din that upset many people.

Are we being reasonable or unreasonable. Would you tolerate your child no matter how young being so disruptive to other people in public

OP posts:
PipkinsPal · 15/06/2013 09:15

YANBU, you may have a family friendly cafe but that is for all families and not just the one. I like to go to a cafe for something to eat and drink and a chat with friends. I have hearing problems and if it is too noisy I cannot hear the person in front of me speaking but all I can hear is the background noise. Wearing my hearing aid in noisy environments is impossible. It is really offputting if a child is making a din whilst their parents have the ability to shut it out.

amandine07 · 15/06/2013 09:19

I was in a restaurant a few months ago with a friend who's son is just starting to walk. There were 4 of us and he really started playing up as the mains arrived.

The waitress asked if she could take him, and then proceeded to walk him around the entire restaurant, into the kitchen and on to the terrace area- so we could get some peace & eat & talk!

That in my mind was a very child friendly approach, however I will say that it was quiet & there were only 2 other tables occupied. Definitely wouldn't have happened in a busy period!

Anyway, it was lovely to see & it calmed him down.

BlueberryHill · 15/06/2013 09:23

If you cannot stop your 2 yo from shrieking, then you take them outside.

A previous poster said that it may be her only coffee and cake out that week so she wasn't going to leave until she had finished it. What about other people, that may be the only half an hour peace or coffee that they have that week, why should a parent who doesn't do anything to distract / stop it happening / shove cake in front of their child spoil it for others.

I have a 6 yo and 2 yo twins, we take them out and it is really hard work to keep them occupied, so we pick somewhere that serves food fast, not quiet places where all you hear is the chink of cutlery and we occupy them with colouring, books, comics. We take out a child / miss dessert if we think they have hit their limit timewise. It is just normal courtesy for other diners. It also teaches our children how to behave in restaurants / cafes etc, shouting and running about are for parks / playgrounds etc not in cafes.

exoticfruits · 15/06/2013 09:24

There would be hell to pay with some parents if the waitress took over- and imagine if a waiter dared do it!

exoticfruits · 15/06/2013 09:25

You take a child of any age outside if you can't calm them and come back when you have.

Sirzy · 15/06/2013 09:33

*I think YABU - you can't always make a 2 year old stop shrieking and you don't know the child was 2

What would you have done about a crying 6 week old?*

If you can't stop a 2 year old shrieking you remove them from the situation.

If you have a crying 6 week old who won't calm then you take them outside to calm them (a walk around may help anyway!)

The age of the child is irrelevant, no other diner should disrupt others. There is nothing wrong with respecting others whether that is a table of rowdy adults being asked to calm down a bit or removing an over noisy child.

GalaxyDefender · 15/06/2013 09:34

YANBU. I took DS (3) to a cafe yesterday with MIL, and he was grumpy, hot, thirsty and tired, so started to kick off. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't stop shouting, we would leave and he wouldn't get anything nice to eat.
He stopped once he had something to drink, but if he'd kept going there's no way we would have stayed. It's just rude!

aftermay · 15/06/2013 09:34

Exotic fruits - quite, can you imagine the outrage if an adult touched your child's hand without a CRB check and a detailed map of how they'll spend the time :)

aftermay · 15/06/2013 09:35

Saying that, we've also been at restaurants where the kids were shown around, fish tank, behind the bar. They love it.

BlueberryHill · 15/06/2013 09:39

Italian restaurants with wood burning ovens and pizza making are also good.

catgirl1976 · 15/06/2013 09:40

If my DS is making a noise in a restaurant of cafe, we try to shush him and if we can't one of us will take him outside

But I can imagine a situation where, if you were on your own, starving and knackered you might just think "fuck it. I am going to ignore you and finish my coffee and cake"

Not saying it's right, just that I can maybe understand how it would happen.

Regardless the OP is not very family friendly, as they didn't offer to assist / distract, just practically barred a mother and probably made her feel pretty shitty

aftermay · 15/06/2013 09:42

Oh come on. It's not the OP's job to assist and distract. She has to actually run the cafe. She didn't berate the mum on front of others. She asked her to come back when she can better look after her DS.

Sirzy · 15/06/2013 09:44

Which is selfish of the mother. Sod other diners for a second but if she does that then she is putting her happiness before her childs and no parent can think that is right surely?

Sirzy · 15/06/2013 09:44

And she wasn't on her own, she was with a friend so they could have stepped in to assist.

pudcat · 15/06/2013 09:50

YANBU you made kind comments to the parent/minder/nanny to let her know that the child was making too much noise and disturbing others but she took no notice. Therefore you had every right to ask her to sit outside if she came again. Why is it these days that so many folk think that it is a child's divine right to do as they wish? Children need to be shown how to behave and to respect others. Let them scream to their heart's content in their own home, but not in a restaurant or other public building.

whosiwhatsit · 15/06/2013 10:01

Just before moving to another country we took our best friend out for lunch at a nice cafe to say our goodbyes. A family at the next table had a toddler there who screamed the entire time we were there and neither parent bothered taking the child outside. So much for a nice goodbye meal and chat with our friend, though of course it cost the same as a nice meal out in a pleasant atmosphere would have. I don't find this kind of behaviour acceptable at all and no yanbu.

IWillDoItInAMinute · 15/06/2013 10:06

yANBU - I have 3 DCs and I would be Blush if they acted like that in a public place.

I haven't read the whole thread but one of the best places we used to go to had a small area which contained a few books/ easily cleanable toys. It made us feel really welcome and I saw many a waitress swoop in with a book/toy to distract a child.

Just an idea...

catgirl1976 · 15/06/2013 10:10

I agree it isn't the OP's job to distract a toddler BUT If the OP is touting her cafe as family friendly, what family friendly services are they providing other than buying some high chairs?

Just wondering. Are there crayons or toys or balloons or things to colour in? Is there a little play area?

The OP says they "do what they can to make families feel welcome" and I am just curious what that actually involves

ariane5 · 15/06/2013 10:12

YANBU. Ds2 has a habit recently of repeatedly smashing his beaker onto things very hard. He started recently when we went for a cup of tea and it very quickly became annoying.he thinks its hilarious but I took it off him as it was clearly annoying others.

He screamed so we left.

Corygal · 15/06/2013 10:16

YANBU. Don't think otherwise.

wannaBe · 15/06/2013 10:19

I went into a café recently and there were two toddlers racing up and down the entire length of it. Their mothers just sat there occasionally saying "oh, you should be sitting down, come back, ha ha ha ha ha you little monkeys...." Angry these little brats children continued to race up and down laughing and cackling as they went. Absolutely not acceptable and I think that people need to be more aware that the world doesn't revolve around their little darlings and that I you as a parent don't teach your child acceptable behaviour they will never learn.

Chandon · 15/06/2013 10:19

Our local caf says " we welcome wellbehaved children"

That is quite a good way to do it I think. It aso reassures me as a customer that the place won't be taken over by kids.

Some people think that if a place is family friendly it should put up with sreaming wild tots smearing their cupcakes onto the sofa.

I think having an adult atmosphere, but accepting children and having high chairs, and a clear sign on the door, is the way to go.

AlwaysWashing · 15/06/2013 10:20

N at all U
I wouldn't let my 2 year old or my 6 month old do it. I have a really low tolerance to noise anyway so "feel" it probably before it's registered with other people.
Neither of my 2 are screamers, probably due to vigilance and redirection but if a meltdown occurs in a cafe or supermarket etc out we go until it's over. If I have to leave my meal/shopping then that's what happens because they're my DC, my responsibility and I want them to know that I mean what I say.
I hate having to listen to other people's DC shrieking and having threats of no tv, no pudding, no toys ect screamed back at them or worse still just ignored ( though I can imagine that short of time a Mum might just put her head down and scoff her cake & coffee or finish her shop)

Chandon · 15/06/2013 10:21

I would steer away from crayons and play area's as it is not your job to entertain customer's children ( just BRING some crayons, or toys or whatever). If you go very childfriendly, you will get a softplay atmosphere and childfree customers will steer clear.

edam · 15/06/2013 10:24

YANBU but you should have spoken to her earlier, when her child was annoying other customers, not leave it for half an hour. And at that time you should have approached her nicely, asking if there was anything you could do to help - even if not, it would have acted as a prompt to her to do something about it.