We encourage children in our cafe BUT

[childfriendlycafeowner]

I hope you don't mind us asking any readers for their opinion on child behaviour in public places.

We run a small cafe in a small town, and we love doing it (opened up 4 months ago). The previous owners did not encourage children and families, we do, we bought high chairs and do what we can to make families feel welcome. But today two girls came in with a baby and a toddler, my guess is the toddler was 2. From the moment she arrived the screamed, not crying because she was upset but screaming because I guess she liked the sound of her own voice. We made comments to the mum in the hope she would take the hint that the child was disturbing all the other customers but her comment was "she is a little tinker isn't she" The other customers threw their food and drinks down their necks and left as quickly as they could, some complaining as they left. She did go quiet for a little while but she was screaming for probably at least half of the 1 hour plus that she was in the cafe.

When the lady came to pay we said to the lady that we are very sorry but unless she can stop her little girl disturbing all our other customers and driving them away perhaps she could sit in our outside seating area with her or not come in. We felt terrible to say this but it really was a terrible din that upset many people.

Are we being reasonable or unreasonable. Would you tolerate your child no matter how young being so disruptive to other people in public

Ashoething.

You are mistaken. I did not make an apology "cack handed" or otherwise.

I drew attention to a wilful misinterpretation by Fanjo of a post written by myself for, as far as I could see, a rather clumsy attempt to draw attention to herself. I was not prepared to allow that to stand.

I look forward to reading her apology, although I since understand that she has flounced off....having first given a rather fulsome notice that she intended to do so. All rather silly.

You can say that again, NannyOgg! It was a simple question, completely hijacked.

I was trying to be helpful in discussing what coffee chains/ restaurants are good or not etc, but hey, ho...

Back again missmarple you were fucking rude, actually, and have only come back I suspect, to stir it a bit more, and to be rude and patronising.

Sure you were, kaumana.

do you sell anything like this in you cafe OP?

maybe you should, it would keep kids quiet!

Ice cream cake

(yes, I made it! I'm a show off...)

I think that we have an entirely different interpretation of the word quiet, Ellen. You seem to mean silent, I mean not screeching.

Gosh, Kaumama! Please tell me you're not suggesting parents of children with SN go off and post on threads specific to SN are you? Along the lines of it being a separate issue which shouldn't muddy the waters of NT threads. I was a mother of 3 very NT children for quite a few years before also becoming the mother of a child with SN so I am perfectly able to see threads like this through 'NT mum' glasses.

How odd. Does one have to stay on a thread all day, Dawndonna? Do you swear like that in real life and, if you do, are you regularly asked to leave public venues?

Kaumana, I live in a small town with an unusual amount of cafes, I have 3 dcs, my youngest who is 3 has sn, he can sometimes be a screecher - due to excitement, being overwhelmed, tired etc. I will take him to the same cafes, that i have been going to for the last 5 years, with the same friends and with his older sisters.

And I will also hourly post on AIBU threads about whether child friendly means being accepting of children that make a bit of noise or not - my opinion of which will obviously be influenced by the fact that I have a child with sn as well as 2 children without.

I still don't remember saying they should be quiet.

I was responding to this, exotic.

Oh, and brd it's never acceptable to call someone a SN kid. Because they are not a SN, they are a kid.

Kid ?ith SN is very different.

I'd consider gay teen just as offensive if that helps.

I don't even know why we are talking about children who have SN- it wasn't a thread about them- despite people being determined to make it so. I can't see anything in OP to suggest it.

As I said- a completely different interpretation of 'quiet'.

Hmm the 'professionally offended' and 'not about you' shtick.
Only we're not and actually quite often it is.

As I said, then, gobby, let's ask MN to call out every poster that does so, shall we?
People being pissy about it only when it suits is bullshit. And using it oneself, and then complaining when another poster you happen to disagree with uses it, is a double helping of bullshit.

brdgrl, if you read the thread, I'd just reminded a poster who used SN children 5 times in the same ranty sentence that DC with SN was the polite term. You wouldn't say 'squint boy' would you?

Exotic then repeated SN children in her post.

Good Lord, Gobby!

Consistently provoking... 4 messages in a thread of over 700 and 1 addressed to Dawnonna, as a matter of courtesy as she addressed me.

It's not dim to correct a wilful misinterpretation although it may be dim to eff and blind.

YANBU. You have to look out for the majority and if they won't come back because "that was the place with the screaming baby" then you have to look out for your living. Could have dealt with it sooner, though.

I am off to bed- if OP is still reading(and hasn't lost the will to live) - who would have guessed that a simple question could end up like this?

Well, as the mother of a special needs child I take no offence whatsoever with people saying SN child or SN kid. I have more to worry about than semantics and I think it's wrong to say someone is being offensive by using the term. Likewise, I don't see it as offensive to describe someone as being black or white or red headed if you are physically describing them. The colour of the skin is a physical attribute just like the colour of the eyes yet I know that is often deemed racist.

I do understand that people do not want their child to be defined by their disability but personally I don't see it as offensive, just descriptive.

Obviously I am not going to post 'hourly' that would be odd!

Why is it such a problem that a discussion about children making noise, veers off a bit into a discussion about children with sn making noise?

The thread is AIBU, the op asked whether she was being unreasonable, I personally think she was, and part of the reason why I think she was is because I have a child with sn, who makes noise, so my opinion is bound to be influenced by that!

Ellen, may I suggest then that you read the thread (and many others!) and report each and every poster who uses the construction, for offensive language? I can help you, if you like.