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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

We encourage children in our cafe BUT

999 replies

childfriendlycafeowner · 14/06/2013 20:07

I hope you don't mind us asking any readers for their opinion on child behaviour in public places.

We run a small cafe in a small town, and we love doing it (opened up 4 months ago). The previous owners did not encourage children and families, we do, we bought high chairs and do what we can to make families feel welcome. But today two girls came in with a baby and a toddler, my guess is the toddler was 2. From the moment she arrived the screamed, not crying because she was upset but screaming because I guess she liked the sound of her own voice. We made comments to the mum in the hope she would take the hint that the child was disturbing all the other customers but her comment was "she is a little tinker isn't she" The other customers threw their food and drinks down their necks and left as quickly as they could, some complaining as they left. She did go quiet for a little while but she was screaming for probably at least half of the 1 hour plus that she was in the cafe.

When the lady came to pay we said to the lady that we are very sorry but unless she can stop her little girl disturbing all our other customers and driving them away perhaps she could sit in our outside seating area with her or not come in. We felt terrible to say this but it really was a terrible din that upset many people.

Are we being reasonable or unreasonable. Would you tolerate your child no matter how young being so disruptive to other people in public

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 15/06/2013 20:23

Sorry I didn't see missmarples comment,Fanjo.

if PA were allowed on here I would say she was a twat.

MNHQ
JulieMumsnet · 15/06/2013 20:23

You've seen our campaign This Is My Child?

crashdoll · 15/06/2013 20:26

I'm surprised some people don't seem to know the difference between general children noise (which may very well include the occasional scream and cry) and shrieky children.

I'd be fucked off if I was in a café and listened to a shrieky child whose parent/carer made absolutely no effort to address the behaviour.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/06/2013 20:27

Thanks for the support all.

I think I am just having a sensitive day.

Sorry if I derailed the thread, it just felt relevant after today's experience. And every time I am out with DD tbh.

HotheadPaisan · 15/06/2013 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elquota · 15/06/2013 20:31
Biscuit
Ashoething · 15/06/2013 20:31

And if that "shrieky child" had sn which weren't immediately obvious crash would you still be fucked off?

Honestly I would love to know who these people are who have perfect children who will sit silently through a 10 course feastHmm

I have a good friend who is having a hard time with her 2 year old-typical terrible 2's. We meet for coffee every week and I know she sometimes get a bit embaressed as he can carry on. Thankfully the coffee shop we go too are lovely and completely understand.

Im sure a lot of posters on here think she should just keep him locked up at home until he is at least 30 though...

WouldBeHarrietVane · 15/06/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ashoething · 15/06/2013 20:35

Yep exactly harriet-I would smile sympathetically or sometimes if I have had some of my dcs toys in my handbag I would offer them as a distraction. I will offer mums with babies and small dcs a hand but that may be just because I will do anything to get my mitts on a baby cuddleGrin

pigletmania · 15/06/2013 20:43

Thanks amazing that would be lovely Smile. Fanjo I agree MrsM comments were awful, was going to mention her but I forgot. Dd certainly s no misfortune, what horrible and unkind comment. The great majority on here are very understanding and lovely Smile

usualsuspect · 15/06/2013 20:43

I agree with Ashoething.

Cherriesarelovely · 15/06/2013 20:44

In my experience (with both loud children and my mil who has dementia and so can be unintentionally offensive and rude) people are incredibly tolerant of both noise and unavoidable behaviours like this. What people don't like is seeing or hearing a child screaming or behaving badly and their parent doing nothing to stop them or to remove them. We are nearly all parents on this thread and most of US have said we would not inflict this on others!

Pouncer1 · 15/06/2013 20:49

My DD is adorable.
She loves squealing, it makes her feel safe.
Everyone says "but you would never tell, she looks so perfect".
She has autism, I am constantly explaining her actions to strangers! It's not nice!
Did the little girl today have autism?

pictish · 15/06/2013 20:53

I agree with Ashoething as well.

crashdoll · 15/06/2013 21:00

Ashoething You clearly didn't read my post, it is annoying when parents are ignoring their loud children and doing nothing at all. I said, I imagined most parents would be trying to distract their child or whatnot. I would never complain nor tut and I'd smile at the child because apparently I have a funny face that makes children stop screaming.

Ashoething · 15/06/2013 21:01

Lol usual Im really not a bad person.

Ashoething · 15/06/2013 21:04

No I read your comment perfectly crash and you still didn't answer my question.

Some times kids are a bit shrieky and some times with all the will in the world the parent can't distract/console them. In those situations I would hope most people would have a little empathy and understand that all kids go through these phases and not sit their with faces like a slapped arse and a wedgie from their judgy pants.

crashdoll · 15/06/2013 21:07

I do have empathy and I wouldn't say a word but I might be annoyed if it went on and on and on and on and on. We are not talking about a bit shrieky, (which is part and parcel of being a young human being) some kids holler like there's no tomorrow. I have a sensitivity to noise, so perhaps I'm coming from a different angle.

Fillyjonk75 · 15/06/2013 21:20

I was always embarrassed when DDs were younger and they were being a bit noisy or wouldn't sit still. I always tried whatever I could to distract them and took them outside or left early. Most people don't mind if they can see you are making an effort and not prolonging the agony.

Chottie · 15/06/2013 21:23

The screaming child would have put me off being in your cafe too. Surely the mother noticed how everyone was leaving?!?!?

pictish · 15/06/2013 21:33

Crash it would get up my nose too. However, I'm not so unrealistic as to imagine I'm never going to encounter a shrieky kid in a cafe! It is part and parcel of being out there among the general populace, and I accept it, even if I do not enjoy it.

It's not a back and white issue though. Some days I would barely notice the deranged shrieking of a 2 yr old, on another bleaker day it would needle me.

Even so though, I suppose I would still see it as my problem overall. I wouldn't think to complain. I never have anyway. I think it's very rare the occasion that it's so bad that you are driven to leave. I think other people's noisy kids are just one of those things you have to be zen about, and thinking about it, I have always felt that way, even as the most unmaternal person in the world, before I had kids myself.

Maybe the noise this wee lassie was making was particularly bad. I can't imagine it myself. I can't imagine the noise of a 2 yr old playing ever being sufficient enough to make me want to complain. Not in a cafe.
I can see an ongoing tantrum making me get my coat...but even then I wouldn't dream of complaining about it - I'd just remove myself.

It's a tricky one I think, but it is better to be kind than right, and I think this could've been settled without losing the mother's custom.

crashdoll · 15/06/2013 21:58

I have to say, having said that shrieks are off-putting, as a general rule, I find adults far more annoying that children. At least you can put loud children to them just being children whereas some adults are just arses. Wink

missmarplestmarymead · 16/06/2013 10:03

How bizarre to see that a Chinese whisper and wilful misinterpretation has deleted my reasonable post.

fanjo said her daugter was making a racket in a cafe and refused to be placated by books or toys. I asked her if she had an alternative to going into a cafe, why was it essential that she had to do so. I pointed out that if she was homeless and had no alternative then I could see why she would have no choice but to inflict the screams of her child upon others.

I then said that if she did have an alternative, she really shouldn't inflict the 'misfortune' of not being able to quieten her child on others.

I have had a screaming child and I didn;t do it, why should she? it is almost as if she is saying, 'I have to listen to it, so why shouldn't everyone else?'

At no point did I say, as been suggested in a hysterical way that Fanjo's actual child is a misfortune-would any mother say that? Nonsense.

fanjo. Your child has the right to be in a cafe but I wonder about you, if you think it is ok to disturb other people who may want a bit of peace and quiet.

Now, I hope that calms all those who are calling for my head, many of whom won't have seen the post and others who chose to give it their own slant.

In any event, I won't be replying to any more ott angst.

ta.

Oscalito · 16/06/2013 10:08

YANBU

I would have also asked her to move outside.

If my child is screaming/crying/making noise in a cafe the easiest and most considerate thing to do is take them for a walk until the food comes. Other people are paying to eat there and deserve peace.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/06/2013 10:13

If part of my DD's disability includes her making screaming noises..but she has a right to be in a cafe..how do you reconcile the two if you are saying she shouldn't be allowed in if she screams?