Birthday disco clashes with school disco, should birthday mum change the date?!

[Bluebell99]

A girl in my dc's handed out invites on Monday to her disco. On Tuesday a letter came home informing of school disco. Birthday child has invited half the year group and her mum has said it is the only date she can do. It is causing alot of angst amongst the children. Upset children not invited, birthday girl upset if children say they are going to school disco! If it was my disco, I wouldn't want to compete against the school event and would be worried that not many people would come! My child wants to go where her friends are going, but there are also limited tickets to the school disco, so if the birthday one is cancelled, it may be too late to get tickets. It is also the last school disco before they move on.

Unless it was a close friend of my dcs, I'd be encouraging them towards the school disco if its just a choice between two discos.

Party mum should change the date if it is in any way doable.

I'd change it.

If its the only date the mum can do, she can't change it. And she may have booked and paid for things. I'd invoke the "no cherry picking rule" - go to the event you were invited to first.

I'm quite friendly with the mum, which makes it more awkward for my child. I agree if I didn't know the mum or child well, I would also choose the school one. Also, already upset caused because not all the class invited. (that old chestnut)

There was only a day between invite and letter about school disco, so hadn't yet replied. My child is already saying that birthday girl is getting cross with children who have said they are going to school disco. Also some children are saying they are going to birthday one, but have bought tickets to school one. It is a mess and awkward for all the children.

Exactly! If its turning into something unpleasant for the children and awkward for the parents, it should be moved or cancelled.

I'd get your dd tickets to the school disco ASAP just in case your dd wants to go.

how expensive is the school one? I'd probably go for that one in any case but if the tickets are cheap I would buy the ticket to ensure that your DD doesn't miss out completely whatever happens.

If you get two invitations for the same time, then you get to pick which one you want to go to, unless you have already accepted one.

Birthday mum really should get creative. If there is no other day she can have a party, why not do a pre-disco gathering either at home or pizza place or wherever, then take the kids over to the disco? Best of both worlds then.

I feel a bit sorry for the party girl. I would say yes to the party as it's someone's birthday rather than just a general thing

I like Midnite's idea. Saves anguish all round. The poor birthday girl, it's horrible, like a popularity contest.

if school disco tickets are also limited then not all the kids can go to that either. maybe the uninvited half could go to that and then tell all the birthday disco kids it was better anyway.

I'd do the birthday party, no question - turning it down is actually going to upset the girl and her mum but the school aren't going to be personally upset if fewer people turn up to theirs.
I'd maybe double check the mum's plans before burning my bridges with the school disco. That said, missing out on a school disco is not the end of the world. There's always another one and it's never the topic of conversation at school for long. My 12 year old missed most discos for one reason or another and didn't suffer in any way.

Birthday trumps the school fun event.

The school should be ashamed of themselves only having the space for 1/2 of the children.

We have done midnite's idea - friends round after school, games, pizza and then on to the school disco.

Why isn't there space for all children at the school disco?

I think the tickets are limited for health and safety reasons, although not sure?! I think there are only 90 tickets for ks1 disco and yet there are 190 children in ks1. There is 240 children in ks2 and not sure how many tickets for that one. I think my child will go for the birthday disco, but i did give her the money to buy a ticket and she handed it in, so have a school disco ticket as backup if the mum cancels. School tickets are £4 which is quite expensive given it is just an hour and a half and need to give money to buy sweets and drinks as well!

The school should be ashamed of themselves only having the space for 1/2 of the children
really? given that some schools cannot even accommodate all their pupils in one assembly or one lunch sitting, and have to do each play or production twice so all the parents can get to see it, its not surprising there is a limit on how many they can have in the disco.

But £4 is a rip off - ours pay £1 and there are prizes for best KS1 and 2 boy and girl dancer (ie 4 prizes) - we make lots of money on the tuck shop too though

I would change the date if it was me, but I can see why that a) might be hard to find another date and b) might actually cost her a cancellation fee for booking of hall/dj etc

I don't think there would be a cancelation fee in this instance because the family have connections to the venue. I just think she wants to hold it as close as possible to the child's birthday, and actually the date is already two weeks after her birthday! I think £4 is a bit expensive too, as they make alot of money from selling sweets and drinks. However it is not as bad as the chocolate tombala where children donate chocolate, and then pay a pound for 4 tokens to win it back. My child's friend donated chocolate and then paid two pounds and didn't win anything. :(

If the school doesn"t have room for everyone, then it should either hold more than one disco, or just offer the disco to one particular age group. Our school has sometimes had a disco just for leavers, but last year, they had a disco for the whole school, but obviously not all at the same time.

YANBU to think that but perhaps she can't change it? To be honest, there's bound to be a fair few school discos but there's only going to be one birthday for the little girl this year, an already it's going tits up for her. Tbh I'd go to the friend's one out of loyalty and also because her DD is probably going to be very disappointed and let down.

I know I'll be flamed for saying this, but that's an example of karma in action.
Birthday mum invites half the class to a disco, and an opportunity for a disco that they can all go to (at least if they get the tickets quickly) appears on the same day.
It'd be a fairly lame disco with 15 kids. Why would you have a disco if numbers are limited?

Are these high school age children?

The children are year 6, so 10 - 11 years old. There are two year 6 classes, total 60 children. Birthday mum has invited 30. In the past, other children have invited the whole year group, so 60 children. This child has invited children from both classes.

Well tbh the logical thing to do in this instance, which is down to the parents, is for those invited to the bday to go and the others go to the school disco. If disco places are also limited then the whole class won't get to get anyway but the half that wasn't invited could. That way no cild is sat at home sadly because they couldn't get a disco invite and weren't invited either.

Perhaps mum couldn't have afforded all of them? Though personally I'd just have invited a handful of close in that instance, mind you guess it depends if all of them get into 'competitive parenting'.