Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's sad that some parents seem to be so dismissive of their dc's feelings?

74 replies

Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:30

I heard a conversation between two dads at ds's preschool this morning about the children starting school in September.

The one dad was saying "yeah, we can't wait for him to go the whole day, we can't wait to be rid of him, good riddance I say. All he does is get on my nerves at home it'll be much better when he's at school all day. We've still got the babby but that's ok because we can give him a bottle and just get with stuff"

The little boy was right next to him. He wasn't saying it jokingly, he meant it. There was quite an aggressive tone to his voice.

Why do people have children if they feel like that about them? And why have MORE children if you feel like that about the first child?

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/06/2013 20:58

Tee,

We all have difficult feelings about our children at times. But we all have the responsibilty not to share them with people in front of our children.

I think if we can't do that then we are really failing to look after their emotional health

Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:58

OH FFS!

Pedophiles? Drug pushers? Users? Seriously?

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:58

Fair enough. I'm a shit parent.

OP posts:
beautybox2 · 13/06/2013 20:58

OP if I heard that I would feel the same, poor child to hear that, like you said it isn't going to do his self esteem and confidence any good.
Even if you did say that..( which I would never ) you would say it in private and not with your child standing right there.
I will enjoy the time when my children go to school, they will be making friends and learning and i won't know what to do with myself! But I don't wish it would happen to soon, they grow up too quickly! :(

JuicySteak · 13/06/2013 20:59

He wasn't addressing his son, he was addressing his mate. So the child may have overheard. Maybe your children overhear stuff going on around your house. You sound like one of those 'professionally outraged' mummies.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/06/2013 21:01

Juicy

No, i make sure i don't make it easy for them to overhear insulting stuff about them. Why wouldn't you?

JuicySteak · 13/06/2013 21:01

But we all have the responsibilty not to share them with people in front of our children.

Do we? Who says?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/06/2013 21:02

Eh?

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 21:02

I'm not. I'm really not.
His child could hear. He was stood next to him, I could hear and I was several yards away. I've never posted about anything like this before. But apparently yes, I'm professionally offended.

Anyway, I've said ill leave it now. good riddance to me.

OP posts:
teenagetantrums · 13/06/2013 21:03

my children have overheard loads of stuff in the lifetime that maybe they shouldn't have, I have also shouted at them, they have yet to run of and find a drug pusher or paedophile, honestly some parents are not perfect, some are really crap, you cant judge from one comment overheard.

morethanpotatoprints · 13/06/2013 21:05

Its difficult to say without being there. Perhaps the man sounded serious, but didn't mean it. Round here the dry sense of humour said in all honesty and seriously takes some getting used to, what area was this OP?

I never wanted any of mine to go to school, and hated them going back after the holidays. We are all different.

Wylye · 13/06/2013 21:06

I don't really understand why the OP is getting a kicking - the bloke was being unpleasant about his child, in front on his child. He sounds like a dick, and like he doesn't give a shit about how his son felt hearing that he can't wait to be shot of him. I think it's sad.

beautybox2 · 13/06/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teenagetantrums · 13/06/2013 21:10

I think the key point is no one said the boy was upset, maybe it was an on-going family joke, you shouldn't judge parenting on a small snapshot in time, that's all .

NutcrackerFairy · 13/06/2013 21:10

OP for what it's worth I completely agree with you.

Man may have not meant to be hurtful with what he said, but it was unkind and disrespectful to his child.

I don't quite understand why some on here are defending this... unless this is how they speak to and about their own children and they are feeling a bit defensive.

Doesn't make it right though.

ArgumentativeAardvark · 13/06/2013 21:12

Everyone is being really harsh on the OP.

If it makes you feel better OP I completely agree with you.

BABaracus · 13/06/2013 21:13

YANBU. I also don't understand why you are being flamed!

DramaAlpaca · 13/06/2013 21:14

OP I agree with you too.

IdreamofFairies · 13/06/2013 21:21

i didn't say they would run off and find them

seriously who do you think is most at risk is it the loved and appreciated well adjusted person (yes i know any one can make a wrong choice)

or the person who has always felt unloved and unwanted who has no self esteem and is desperately searching for any type of attention no matter how wrong it is, compounded with the fact that because they have no self esteem, they don't think they deserve more.

no one deserves to be made to feel worthless.

what is the world coming to that this is thought to be OK.

what ca the op do about it probably nothing but that doesn't mean that she cant fell saddened by it.

thecakeisalie · 13/06/2013 21:26

Also in agreement with you here too OP, not sure why your being flamed.

If a similar thread was posted about someone saying in front of a colleague or partner that they wouldn't wait to get rid of them and all they do is irritate them it wouldn't be acceptable. Why is ok for a Dad to say this in front of his child?

FishfingersAreOK · 13/06/2013 21:37

OP I agree with you too. I would be saddened by this. I have seen/heard similar thing on our school gates before and that saddened me too. I was judgy too.

You do not deserve this flaming.

Goldenbear · 13/06/2013 21:41

JuicySteak, there is no virtue in not being offended unless of course you have the misfortune to write for the trashy press?

Op I agree that is some really shitty conversation or 'joke' to have in front of your four year old boy. Let's hope he doesn't make him a 'Father's day' card.

RiotsNotDiets · 13/06/2013 21:43

I don't get why people are having a go at the OP? Confused

I get that you might say this in jest to friends, but it's not acceptable to say it to/in front of your DC.

GoshAnneGorilla · 13/06/2013 21:47

I don't understand this desire on MN to minimize and excuse shitty treatment of children.

I work with children and families and have done for many years, there are a sad number of parents out there who really don't care for their children, not just "find difficult" "need a break from", or "get exasperated by" - that's normal. I mean parents who give little more then the minimum level of care about their children.

SS have enough to deal with with the children in even worse situations and family like these can be difficult to engage with positive parenting classes, so what can you do?

I would say that teaching all our children about love and respect would help and to stop making excuses for these parents.

Men used to make excuses for hitting their wives and we've moved past that, this should be the same.

AlbertoFrog · 13/06/2013 21:49

OP YANBU.

Every one of you who is putting the OP down, how would you like it if you overheard your parent/partner/loved one say that about you. They can't be bothered with you. Can't wait to get rid of you. You get on their nerves?

You're an adult. You appreciate people aren't perfect and have off days and need peace sometimes.

Children are meant to be able look up to their parents, admire them, hero worship them even. And they should also know they are loved unconditionally.

Poor mite.