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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's sad that some parents seem to be so dismissive of their dc's feelings?

74 replies

Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:30

I heard a conversation between two dads at ds's preschool this morning about the children starting school in September.

The one dad was saying "yeah, we can't wait for him to go the whole day, we can't wait to be rid of him, good riddance I say. All he does is get on my nerves at home it'll be much better when he's at school all day. We've still got the babby but that's ok because we can give him a bottle and just get with stuff"

The little boy was right next to him. He wasn't saying it jokingly, he meant it. There was quite an aggressive tone to his voice.

Why do people have children if they feel like that about them? And why have MORE children if you feel like that about the first child?

OP posts:
Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:32

And yes I judged. He might be having a bad day but whatever. I think if you wouldn't speak to someone else like it then why would you speak to your dc, the person you are meant to love and care for most, like it.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:34

Some people shouldn't be parents. It's true.

What are you going to do about it?

FreudiansSlipper · 13/06/2013 20:35

maybe he was saying it knowing you would get a catsbum face and be all judgy

i often do this it amuses me

no doubt there is more to come on what a terrible parent he is Hmm

havingamadmoment · 13/06/2013 20:36

If he really means it then I agree. My dc4 is starting nursery in September and everyone keeps saying "I bet you cant wait until she goes then in 2 years the last one will go!". In reality im dreading it!

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:36

Nothing, I just felt sad for the little boy. What can I do? It was just mean and unnecessary.

I didn't feel in a position to say anything as I was on my own and we were waiting in the car park. Just me and them.

OP posts:
Mckayz · 13/06/2013 20:37

I said similar to a friend in the shop today about DS2 going all day in September. I currently do 3 round trips to school a day. It is a mile away and I am knackered.

I'll miss him but I really really can't wait!

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:39

Don't think he was especially bothered by what I thought!

He was just chatting loudly to the other guy.

No other comment on his parenting, maybe he's usually great. Don't think so though. Why would you say good riddance about your child? Not in a jokey tone at all. I know it's not the worst crime ever but if you say that to your four year old it isn't exactly giving the most self confidence.

OP posts:
teenagetantrums · 13/06/2013 20:39

lol I often tell my teenagers I cant wait till they leave home, they get on my nerves, and I was bloody happy when they started school, im not dismissive of their feelings at all, how do you know the child was upset by this? In my family adults are allowed to have feelings as well as children.

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:41

I guess it was the tone.
It wasn't nice, it wasn't jokey. He only really speaks to the little boy to tell him off (get over here now!).

I can't really explain it I suppose, it just seemed like he thought the little boy was a pain and wanted him to go away.

OP posts:
GoshAnneGorilla · 13/06/2013 20:41

YANBU OP and I think it's perfectly ok to come on here to talk about it.

Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:42

Well, you'd hate me. At the first parents meeting last week for P1 (NI) the principal said 'And they'll go from 2nd Sept from 9 - 145.' My friend and I cheered to each other.

4.45 hours all to myself every day? Oh yes, please, bring it on! Well, 3.45 with the school walk, but still...most I've had in four years.

SanityClause · 13/06/2013 20:43

What would you have done about it Tee?

GoshAnneGorilla · 13/06/2013 20:43

Also, if a husband spoke about his wife like this, in front of her and in public, there would be many replies saying what a nasty, abusive man is he is.

So why is it ok to say that in front of a child?

Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:44

Nothing. I was being facetious. I find nothing wrong with what he said.

Some of us aren't good with children. Even our own. We love them to death, but find they are better if they are with others.

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:45

Yes Tee, I get that. I get that a lot of people look forward in some ways to their children going to school.

Maybe I shouldn't have posted, you probably had to hear it to understand what I mean. It just seemed unkind, occasionally I look forward to ds going to school but I don't say to him "I can't wait to be rid of you." And if someone said it to me - like maybe I was going somewhere and dh said "good riddance, I can't wait til you go away" it would hurt my feelings!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:47

It was the "this one's always getting on my nerves but the babby's ok because I can give it a bottle and leave it" as well.

I don't know. It just made me sad.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 13/06/2013 20:47

It's not okay to say it Gosh.

I just don't see what meaningful thing can be done about it. SS won't be interested. The father won't change his attitude because some random in the street tells him off.

I'm really interested to know what the OP is expected to do, aside from rant to a load of strangers on an Internet forum.

MrsDeVere · 13/06/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:48

Yes, yes, he's abusive, call SS immediately.

If you really think he is? Call SS.

Otherwise, stop being so damn judgy of something any one of us might have said.

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:50

I guess I was just sharing, the way lots of people do about things they can do nothing about on mumsnet.

I was not suggesting he was abusive but it still made me sad. Why speak to your child im such a way? Even if you think it, even if you say it when they're not there, why say it when they're stood right next to you?

OP posts:
JuicySteak · 13/06/2013 20:52

So the bloke doesn't worship his kid, so what? I think it's mightily refreshing amongst all the helicopter mummies knocking about these days. Child worship: The New Religion Hmm

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 13/06/2013 20:55

No juicy. I'm not saying he's got to "worship" his kid.

That's a bit of way from just thinking perhaps he might be better not to say he can't wait for his child to go away and good ridance.

However since for some reason I'm being attacked for no particular reason ill leave the thread alone. Maybe I'm wrong then, maybe it's ok to say to your child "I can't wait for to be rid of you, you only get on my nerves all the time." I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I've complained about ds to friends many times. Would I say it in front of him? No I wouldn't.

OP posts:
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 13/06/2013 20:55

I'd have been tempted to say something, along the lines of 'my god I hope you don't talk to your poor children like that you awful little man'.

Maybe if someone did call him up on it he might realise what a horrible pig he is. He'll never know its wrong if nobody tells him.

IdreamofFairies · 13/06/2013 20:56

i get that some people need time to themselves and cant wait till their children go to school.

but to seriously suggest that its OK to tell a 4 year old in a horrible, non joking way i cant wait to get rid of you i think is mad.

the child must have very little or no self esteem to be spoken to like that.

if your own parents don't love you and want to be with you who will. pedophiles, drug pushers, people who will just use them.

Tee2072 · 13/06/2013 20:56

And how would you feel if one of your 'less than perfect' moments was on the internet?

Judge not lest you be judged.

Seriously.

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