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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected some feedback from this couple

29 replies

TerrysNo2 · 13/06/2013 20:25

Lovely couple came to look at our house on Saturday morning, I showed them around and told them all about the house (its a listed building so quite quirky).

They came back on Sunday afternoon with parents and I told them I had sent the kids out so they could look around undisturbed. I told them to nose about at whatever they wanted and ask me anything. All 4 of them spent an hour looking around the whole house (its a small 3 bed semi).

They told the agent on Monday they were considering an offer but since then nada.

I don't mind if they don't want to house but AIBU to be pissed off that they haven't even bothered to call and say either way?

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 13/06/2013 20:28

The trouble is if you make any attempt to follow up, they will assume you are desparate to sell and offer you a silly cheeky offer.
PLay them at their own game if they DO make an offer, think about it a while , see if they get nervous and increase their offer.

Could just be as simple as them having other properties to view first, or needing time to do the maths!

DressageCriminal · 13/06/2013 20:29

Maybe they have to get their finances organised before they make an offer?

tungthai · 13/06/2013 20:30

Monday was only 3 days ago. Quite normal imo.

tumbletumble · 13/06/2013 20:33

They must be fairly serious to spend an hour looking round. Give it a bit longer - you may yet hear from them.

Mia4 · 13/06/2013 20:40

YABU to expect feedback, it's not something anyone is entitled too or is expected but i get why you want it- it's bloody frustrating and annoying especially if you never hear anything again, you kind of want to know what was wrong.

They are probably playing a game or are viewing a couple more before committing, most people know how much of a mortgage they can get before looking really closely at places, unless by chance you were their first viewed property. They may well come back to you by monday, if they don't then you can always ask your agent if they said anything that they could feedback.

Original poster

TerrysNo2 · 13/06/2013 21:07

You really think IABU to expect feedback Mia? I don't expect it from every viewer (although it would be nice) but I spent an hour and a half of my weekend showing them around and accommodating them at late notice, surely its just polite??

They said they have looked at 10 properties in the last 6 months so they are obviously not in a rush, I guess not everyone is as impulsive decisive as me?

PS - we are desperate! Our buyer pulled out 2 weeks away from exchange and if we don't find another one we'll lose the house we want and £3k of already incurred costs!

OP posts:

Thesunalwayshinesontv · 13/06/2013 21:10

Giving feedback would be the decent thing to do.

But a lot of people aren't decent.

Mia4 · 13/06/2013 21:27

Yes, I'm sorry but you are, you aren't entitled to it either way. I understand you are frustrated and I get that you'd like it but it's unreasonable to expect it and tbh if you keep thinking you should have it then you'll just end up more disheartened and frustrated. Yes, it's the decent thing but it's not expected or an entitlement and if you bear that in mind and just hope then you won't end up getting half as frustrated-especially if a lot of others start acting the same way. If you expect then 9/10 you will be let down and get more frustrated, get angry and then when that person who does want to buy and is right comes around you'll end up scaring them off by inadvertently being off with them.

It's almost like dating, you can't expect anything and can't appear desperate or they'll fucking take advantage. As i said it's shit and i feel for you but expecting it is setting yourself up for more shit.

Give them time and speak to your agent, perhaps they've had feedback. The last thing you want to do though is end up a) looking so desperate you lose more k by having to drop because they see it or b) so frustrated and angry by the possible 'muck-arounds' that you end up being shirty to everyone and putting the right buyer off.

Lweji · 13/06/2013 21:31

It should be the agent's duty to chase it up.

In any case, if they were really interested they would be in contact.

I think if people spend that long looking at a small house they are not sure, really, and are unlikely to make an offer.
Most likely they found something else in the meantime.

Mia4 · 13/06/2013 21:32

Basically you're setting your expectations too high (that's not anormal, who hasn't made that mistake?) and judging people as you would act aka expecting feedback, which is always dangerous because it can lead to complete shit in that your expectation and the reality does not match and you end up the one affected by it all. With things this like this you need to not use your expectation and instead have the lowest, then it can't frustrate and at other times you are happily surprised.

It's up to you whether you agree or not but I've had years of frustration and upset by expecting too much from people or even situations, it's not worth it in the long run and since you sound upset and frustrated anyway can only lead to worse shit for you.

Original poster

TerrysNo2 · 13/06/2013 21:33

mia you sound like the sensible voice in my head, but I ignore her too

OP posts:

GuffSmuggler · 13/06/2013 21:35

We tried to sell our house for ages, usually: no feedback = bad feedback. As you will know about it if someone wants to buy your house. You might be pleasantly surprised and they offer but if you take it as red hearing nothing is bad news you won't be disappointed.

Sorry your buyer has pulled out, our vendor pulled out last year 4 days before exchange it's shit

AprilFoolishness · 13/06/2013 21:36

We got a sheet of feed back comments from an agent once. Comments included 'too open plan', 'too inner city', 'don't like the bare brickwork'
... It was a cavernous east London loft. With photos and floor plans that clearly showed its open plan, exposed brick features...

People are daft about houses. Just move onto the next viewing and if they offer, we'll great.

AlbertaCampion · 13/06/2013 21:38

I think YAB a little U. You may have spent 90 mins showing them round at the weekend - but let's face it, you weren't doing it out of the goodness of your heart!

Original poster

TerrysNo2 · 13/06/2013 21:42

good point Alberta

OP posts:

Mia4 · 13/06/2013 21:42

lol TerrysNo2 That way leadsto madness...

MammaTJ · 13/06/2013 21:43

I thought this was another swinging thread, such a disappointment!!

LtEveDallas · 13/06/2013 21:47

We didn't give feedback on the houses we went to see for almost 2 weeks. Because immediately after we went away for a week, and then, despite telling the agents numerous times, they ignored our emails and kept phoning us for it...we told them we were out of the house all day and that all contact had to be email, but they didn't take any notice. I finally sent off comprehensive emails 2 Saturdays after the viewings...and the agents started phoning again .

You should give your viewers a week at least - maybe your house is outside their budget and they are trying to juggle finances. It doesn't happen overnight.

Ilovesunflowers · 13/06/2013 21:50

You are going to find house selling difficult if you expect things like feedback to happen quickly. It's the biggest purchase most people ever do. I would spend longer than 3 days deciding on the right fridge let alone a house. Give them time to decide, see other things etc. If they like it theyll be back. If not it will be the right house for someone else.

EarlyInTheMorning · 13/06/2013 21:51

I don't think it's been that long at all

BigBoobiedBertha · 13/06/2013 21:59

It isn't always the fault of the buyers. It could well be the fault of the estate agent who hasn't chased them for feedback (they phone after a viewing ime) or has feedback and hasn't passed it on. We have been both sides of the buying and selling fence and have waited for the estate agent to either fix up a viewing or pass on an offer or conversely give feedback and it does get very frustrating but I don't think you can expect communication every time. It is a bit like job interviews - how often do you get rejection letters these days. Mostly they say if you don't hear from us by X you have been unlucky and I think house buying and selling is quite similar in that regard although they don't usually tell you.

I also think it isn't unreasonable for to think they are looking at other properties. They might well have had appointments booked for this wee already and they may want to be sure that yours is really the one they want.

If it is any consolation we had our last house on the market for 3 months before we got an offer and the people who finally bought it were a couple who had looked at it in the first week. They discounted it as there wasn't much scope to put their mark on it (we hadn't been there long and had decorated top to bottom so nothing needed doing). We heard nothing for 2 mths and then they decided to come back one more time and made an offer. 3 or 4 days is nothing really!

I hope you get somebody soon though - I know you are in a hurry now. Good luck.

CloudsAndTrees · 13/06/2013 22:03

Has your estate agent called them to ask for feedback?

I would expect the estate agents to be pro active about getting feedback rather than leaving it up to the viewer.

Original poster

TerrysNo2 · 13/06/2013 22:17

oh yes, the EA spoke to them on Monday and they said they were considering making an offer, I think the EA has chased them too.

OP posts:

emess · 13/06/2013 22:55

Last time we sold, the feedback we got via agents was a load of mince. One couple claimed they were viewing because they had friends who had moved into the area. Reason for not making an offer? "It's too far from [their current home town]". Viewers say the first thing that comes into their head. Frustrating for you but you have no idea what their agenda is.

Good luck all the same.

DoJo · 13/06/2013 23:27

What could they say that would really make a difference?

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