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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take baby with chicken pox to my dads funeral?

70 replies

monkeynuts123 · 11/06/2013 18:33

Oh what a sodding nightmare! Baby is a clingy one at the best of times but has just come out in chicken pox spots and thursday is fathers funeral. Service is a 3 hour drive each way and am worried about him feeling ill and whinging all the way there and back and through service. Plus of course he is meant to be quarantined so I don't think I can take him with 30 people all there, who knows pregnant, old or what. Father was a right royal shit really and I've been in 2 miinds but can I take baby like this? We haven't got anyone to have him. I can't go on my own for big reasons. WWYD?

OP posts:
Anthracite · 11/06/2013 18:35

Go, but warn everyone who might want to sit near you. Most adults will be immune.

Thumbtack · 11/06/2013 18:40

If you can't go for your own reasons, then I don't believe the baby needs to go. But I may not not have understood your post correctly, you were not going anyway?

CloudsAndTrees · 11/06/2013 18:42

I wouldn't take him into the service, but if he is well in himself I'd go and get DH to wait outside with the baby.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 11/06/2013 18:42

Oh poor you. Um, buggy with rain cover on?? How old is your baby?

Do you really want to go?

NinetiesBitch · 11/06/2013 18:44

Don't take him.

RoooneyMara · 11/06/2013 18:46

if you didn't get on with yr dad then I'd put your sanity first - and the baby's wellbeing.

Mine is having a whingy day and has so far cried throughout about 5 diferent 10 minute car journeys Sad

He is well

a sick child may suffer horribly on a 3 hour drive.

Pumpkinette · 11/06/2013 18:46

I don't think it would be a good idea to take the baby into a funeral service with chicken pox. You have said you can't go alone so I am assuming you will be going with someone- DH? DP? A friend?

You could go together but the person you are traveling with wait in the car with the baby. You could sit at the back of the hall / church and make a quick exit at the end if you are trying to avoid people / arguments / family feuds etc.

I wouldn't miss your dads funeral if you can help it. I lost my dad a few years back. I hadn't seen him in years and he was pretty much estranged from the family but I personally could not have missed the funeral. It hit me harder than I ever thought it would and I would have been pissed off army self if I didn't go.

Ragwort · 11/06/2013 18:46

Not, not fair to your baby or the 'guests' - older people can easily get shingles from chicken pox which is really horrible. If you were not close to your father is it essential that you go? this good be a good reason not to go.

SoupDragon · 11/06/2013 18:47

Can you take a friend with you who can stay in the car or out in the open away from other people?

SoupDragon · 11/06/2013 18:48

older people can easily get shingles from chicken pox

No they can't.

RoooneyMara · 11/06/2013 18:48

They can't catch shingles,

but I do believe that exposure can reactivate the virus and cause an outbreak. I have heard of this happening many times.

Pumpkinette · 11/06/2013 18:49
  • with myself not army self - stupid iPhone.
IsThatTrue · 11/06/2013 18:49

You can't get shingles from chicken pox, but you can get chicken pox from shingles.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 11/06/2013 18:51

older people can easily get shingles from chicken pox

Wrong!

Molinko · 11/06/2013 18:53

I wouldn't take you baby. Our neighbours DM had a heart-attack on holiday after spending time with her GCs who had chicken pox. It's a risk for anyone with high blood pressure apparently.

SixFeetUnder · 11/06/2013 18:53

My understanding was you can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles but not the other way round?

XBenedict · 11/06/2013 18:53

No you can't take him unfortunately, he will be infectious and as you say you just don't know peoples immunity and state of health.

jellybeans · 11/06/2013 18:54

'older people can easily get shingles from chicken pox'

it's the other way round but it's not easy unless the blisters are touching someone

JenaiMorris · 11/06/2013 18:54

If he really was an old shit, don't bother going.

If he was nice (like my mum was), find a sitter who can bear wailing baby for an hour.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 11/06/2013 18:57

If your Father's funeral meant a lot to you I would take the baby but warn everyone (frankly at a funeral the spouse & children of the deceased take priority - everyone else can work around them) - but as he was a shit and you were in two minds I would 'send apologies' and stay at home with your poorly baby.

MrsMook · 11/06/2013 18:58

DS broke out with it last Wed- I noticed the spots when I was getting ready to visit DM. I rang her and she was fine about seeing us. I have taken him out in the pram to the park where people aren't in contact with him/ things he's touched. I have avoided social settings where he is more likely to sneeze/ dribble/ touch someone. He's had it quite mildly, and just needed an occasional dose of Calpol. He has been a bit more tired and clingy than normal. He's not quite scabbed over yet, but had to come with me to the Drs for mine/baby's 8 wk checks. I kept him strapped in the buggy, and away from the toys, and waited away from other people in reception.

Are there people there that are likely to be high risk- pg/ poor immunity/ young children. I'd be tempted to go, but keep some distance from people and be vigilant about hygiene. Buggy with covers would be a decent barrier to reduce the risk of spreading it by avoiding contact.

Hope he gets better soon and is only mildly affected, and sorry for your loss- even where a relationship is difficult, it's still a hard time.

CandidaDoyle · 11/06/2013 19:01

A 6 hour round trip in the car is going to be hellish for a poorly baby and for you. If the virus is only just starting to come out, he is going to be being a whole lot worse by thursday.

Although, it is quite a big thing to miss a parent's funeral, I think you need to be kind to yourself and your baby and stay at home on thursday.

Would that cause problems with the rest of your family?

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 11/06/2013 19:10

Father was an utter selfish bastard. Was only going because family pressure was so great and I had a feeling I want to go because he's still my dad. BUT 6 hours in car with screaming baby plus all the stress of the funeral and family kicking off too? I'm worried it will be a disaster. Do you think it's a good enough reason to miss it? I can't leave baby outside or in car cos will have been in car for hours already and can't be on my own in service for reasons of mental family.

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 11/06/2013 19:14

Don't go!

LiegeAndLief · 11/06/2013 19:18

Sounds like a good excuse not to go to me.

Apart from the quarantine thing, imagine you are covered in uncomfortable itchy spots and then have to sit in an infant car seat for 6 hours. It would be a truly hellish trip for both of you! If you really really wanted to go then I would try it, but as it sounds like you don't, why put both of you through it?

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