To be so frustrated that I want to just scream?!?!

[ariane5]

Trying to arrange help for when I (possibly) have an op later in the week.

All I would like is for DH to take 2 days off. Look after 2 younger dcs whilst older 2 at school, let me reat when home and the following day BUT he wants me to postpone as "needs to work" and is worried how he will cope with dcs.

Dm said she "cannot possibly" take time off. Dsis said she will 'help' but her help involves taking the baby for a couple of hrs the following day out for a little walk in his "nice buggy" with her dp to cafe/shops and that's it.
Dh said he might be ok with 1 day off and I asked dm/dsis can I go to their house so am not on my own with dcs but dsis wasn't keen on 'proper' helping as its a lot of work and wants dh to help instead.
Mil wants to know why does dh need time off-shes apparently had a similar op and returned to work the same afternoon.

I just feel like cancelling, I'm nervous anyway and nobody wants to help me.

AIBU to just feel like screaming I'm so so frustrated?

I don't know what I will do. To be completely honest I don't think I care any more.

I obviously have a husband who couldn't care less about me.

I'm with TSC I'm afraid. You need more than MN to sort your life. It's not sympathy that can help you but a cold, hard wake up call that you have to sort this out. Your Dh sounds like an arse. He needs to cancel his holiday and look after his own children. You need to tell him that. It is no use posting week in week out if you are not prepared to listen to any of the very advice given.

Send the lazy, ineffective man-child back home to his mummy.

If he has weekend contact then at least you get a break, and if he doesn't bother with contact then you're probably no worse off than having him hanging around the place, entirely failing to help with anything.

I would really like to know how to get all my threads deleted. I'm only on my phone so can't access much of the site.

I cannot cope. I certainly won't be posting ever again but I don't know how to delete everything.
I have just had enough.

You certainly won't help anything by throwing a huge strop and 'never posting again'. How does that help anything? You haven't liked being told some stone cold hard truth. I think you should have a hard think about what's been said to you and your reaction to it. I think it's very telling and I think if you give it enough thought you might well mark this as the exact point when YOU started to change YOUR life.

I am not throwing a strop. I just want my threads deleted and to not post again. Not a strop just giving up.

I don't know how to delete them.I cannot get to much apart from talk on my phone as it keeps saying page too large to load and closing if I go on anything else.
Like others have said I moan and post about the same things all the time. I just needed to vent. I have had good advice and I have made changes recently but obviously not enough.

I am not saying the advice on here is wrong. It is not that making me give up. I just don't want to do this anymore.

Why on earth would you ask for all your posts to be deleted?

It was when somebody mentioned advance searching myself.

I feel like an idiot. I hate what my life is I want no reminder of it left.I just want to delete it all. I wish I could delete more than just threads and postings.

Ariane, please please stay, if only to rant when you need to. Your posts are starting to worry me and I'm scared for your safety to be honest. Pm me if you need to talk x

There has to be a way in which this can be made better for you. Getting rid of dh would be your first bet. I'm so sorry you are going through this

you arent an idiot. you said yourself you need somewhere to offload. the things posters are saying maybe harsh but are true.
keep posting x

Oh ariane are you ok?

There's a time and place for straight talking. I don't think this was it, but it's most definitely not now. Ease up people.

Ariane
People are being blunt but frankly it's because we are worried for you. You put off a biopsy, which might be time critical, because your DH said he couldn't cope yet he won't put off his holiday for you. I am genuinely concerned that you will crumble under the pressure before long.

What I don't quite understand Ariane, is the number of times you say he won't take days of work to help you?
How can he afford to take days off willy nilly, the workplace isn't like that.
Surely he'd lose his job?

Are there people on this thread who need reminding that MN's raison d'être is to make parents' lives EASIER?

OP please be kind to yourself.

Ariane, getting the threads deleted will not erase them from our memories. Unfotunately, they are heart wrenching and stick in our minds once we read them.

That does not mean you are wrong to come here for support, that is what MN is here for.

It does mean that people get frustrated that you appear not to be listening to the advice given, as nothing seems to change.

However, your last few posts show you have started to make changes, something that I know you find hard.

Continue to post, but continue to make the changes that will improve your life and that of your children.

Make sure your husband does look after them for a while this weekend. Make sure you take some nice time for yourself while he does this. Then have that biopsy. Then, next on the list is sorting out the op for your diabetic child. Do not let anything your husband says or does prevent you doing what is best for the health of that child. If you continue to do that, you risk HCPs raising it as a concern with SS.

Good post MammaTJ.

Ariane you are making progress, please do have break over the weekend you really need it.

Good god I've never seen your other threads but thus one alone is enough.
It's probably all been said before but can you get some help to raise your own self worth so that you can start to stick up for yourself more.
Your gp would be a good start and can refer you for cbt therapy to help change your outlook and response to stuff.
Your husbands behaviour is not normal even by comparison to some of the shit we read on here.
Your reaction to his behaviour is also not typical and that's what allows him to do it.
Sometimes on here posters feel so frustrated with a persons seemingly crap and wasted life that it can come across as aggressive and make you feel worse.
That's not necessarily a bad thing you know.
It took my family and a magistrate to get cross with me before I left a very abusive relationship and I suspect that's why your family won't help. They probably think "why should I help when her dh is doing nothing?"
Stay here and get support while you make some changes. They will be easier to do with support.
Re the op. tell the staff you have no help and ask if you can possibly stay there for the day. You should not be alone after a ga.

Ariane, you ARE making progress. Solving the money problem is a huge progress in itself. It is not something that would go easily even in families with no other serious problems that your familiy has. Then you sorted out the prblem with your DSis, direct payment, etc. The thing is, your family is facing so many difficulties and challenges that when you address 3 of them it looks like you are still doing nothing because there are so many left. But that is misleading, I honestly think that you are doing your best to solve them.
I agree with kingfupannda. Make your problem his problem. At the day of operation just leave the house and go to the hospital. Return when it's done. What happens in between is not your problem. He is an adult, he can manage 4 children for ONE day! If he thinks he can't manage, make HIM arrange family support. Maybe it won't be easy for him, but hey ho. Your health takes priority over his comfort.

Hoping you come back op, lots of support still here.

I have come back to this thread as I have had some kind responses and helpful advice. I did have a couple of very bad days but I've read back through the posts and taken it all on board.

I know I HAVE recently made changes for the better. I am very aware I need to do more but it will not be an overnight miracle.
This is where I come to get it all off my chest when I've had a hard day.

I have spoken at great length with dh again about our issues. He has agreed to do more to help with dcs, It will obviously not be easy for him (had an issue this morning when I needed help getting dcs all ready I asked him to change ds2, and put him in cot-he said he couldn't as didn't know where toys were to keep ds occupied and unless I got some he couldn't put him in cot and help with others.usually I'd have jumped up got toys and taken over but I just said to him "go and look, find some toys and put him in there) which he did and it was all ok but he does need to be told I think.
I have explained to him that he needs to do more. He has to be fair made an effort but it needs to carry on.

This weekend I will be leaving him for a while with dcs and I have said that no matter what is wrong on day of my op even if all 4 dcs ill at home that I will still be going regardless.

I will continue trying to sort things out but probably will avoid starting as many threads, it was a coping strategy for me due to having no rl support and not being able to access counselling but I suppose if I post less it means I have to deal with day to day issues myself which might make me stronger?

Did you cancel your operation?