To give up on controlled crying after just one night

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

My six month old has reverted to waking between 3 and 5 times a night and I am like the walking dead and need energy as he is one of three DCs. Last night my DH said that I had to try leaving him to cry it out which I couldn't bear but compromised on controlled crying instead. It was horrendous and I hated every minute of it but should I persevere, does it work? Or should I just put him in bed with me to get some sleep? Ididn't have a problem with the other two hence me being clueless Help!

That must have been awful dementedma

How long had you left her for?

DS1 would not co-sleep at night the git but still I refused to cc him, bfing through the night and surviving on very little sleep. Once his cognition was higher we did PUPD though which worked. If it hadn't, he'd have been an only child I think.

DS2 was a natural co-sleeper at night but liked his cot in the day and at two he now sleeps in his own bed.

I just can't cope with cc. I think you have to be very determined and very desperate, and I have never been both at the same time.

I cant remember now catgirl - she is 23 this year! - but we had followed the procedure and been in and out, patting her back etc while she screamed and held out her arms and screamed.....I remember it so clearly. She was wearing a blue stripey babygro.......

That must have been awful and I can totally understand why something like that would put you off

It was a bit easier for us as we had a video monitor so could see he was ok at all times which helped

I tried it at six months, under pressure from a family member, and it was awful. I got up to 15 minutes at the end, and by the time i came to feed DS he was gulping and crying so much he couldn't feed.
I was crying too by that point. I tried again at 10 months, with the help of a hv who said not to go over 8 mins , and it wad fine- not much crying at all, no distress. Totally different. I still feel guilty about that first time. 6 months is too young.

I couldn't do cc at that age either, I do think you should listen to your instincts. Other methods - you can try eliminating one night feed at a time. For example if your LO wakes at 12, 3 and 5 start with the midnight one and either delay it by shushing, rocking, patting etc., by 20 min every couple of nights until you're pretty much at 3 anyway. Alternatively cut the midnight feed length by 2 min every couple of nights (or amount of milk if bottle feeding) until LO doesn't wake for that feed. I am trying the latter at the moment, first feed is down to 6 minutes so will see if it works.

I feel for you, having to manage lively toddlers when exhausted is no fun, but you have to be happy with the solution. It might be worth trying the ibuprofen if you do think it's teething related, it has the advantage of helping sleep as it's a muscle relaxant. Good luck!

Gosh!!! It's really quite ridiculous how judgemental we all are isnt it?

I did cc with dc1 and dc4, didn't need to with Dc2 and 3 as they were dream sleepers.

It worked for me.

But doesn't mean it would for anyone else so wouldn't dream of criticising others parenting choices( generally)

We should all accept that actually noone on here is cruel to their kids and you do what you have to do to survive the journey!!!!

Breast/bottle cc/ co sleep!!! Really who cares!!!

Nity night.

I think it depends on your approach. After 6 months of no sleep during the day and getting no more than an hour of sleep at a time I was dangerously tired. Falling down the stairs tired or getting hit by a car because I wasn't looking whilst crossing the road tired.

Dd was feeding every 2 hours but just a few suckles to drift herself back off.
I started putting her down awake and stroking her head to sleep. And she did cry. But she cried because she didn't know she could send herself off.

I managed to stretch the feeds by giving her 5 minutes before going in and not feeding her unless it had been 3 to 4hours and have been stretching this by 15 minutes every couple of nights. But I would stroke her and shush and reassure. And she did cry. At the dreaded 3 to 5am wakey time I'd go in and sooth and put on a star projector. That seemed to help.
I'd never just leave her cry

4 weeks down the line and I'm down to 1 or 2 feeds a night. I'm getting 3 or 4 hours sleep in one solid go and I'm not in tears or tripping over all the time.
Dd still wakes but can now go back to sleep unless she's truly hungry.
Cc works for us but it is down to who your baby is and how you do it.

I did, going in to comfort DD1 just made her cry more, it didn't work at all.

Gosh Toys you are astounding, I have not just gone into motherhood thank you very much, I tried an hour or so of CC out of desperation and concern for my ability to cope with my other two on total lack of sleep, you mention in your first post that your DH helped you at night well mine doesn't. How dare you say that I chose to try it because I was unaware that babies cry and that I shouldn't have had 3 in the first place. I think you need help from someone who can help you explore why you feel the need to be so scalding rude to a complete stranger. BTW the night we tried CC he woke 3 hours after he went to sleep and I went it to get him as I couldn't stomach it, hardly a night of trauma. If I just had the one DC I wouldn't have contemplated it

Op don't apologise to some of these silly posts.

If you are at end of your tether, like I was and can remember 23 years on then go for cc but you need to give it at least 3 nights to work properly.

It's not cruel if done properly it can be life saving for mum and in some cases prevent harm to the child.

I was so tired I almost crashed my car with Dcs in it.

Ignore others and do what feels right for YOU.

Toys - you say you found having one child extremely difficult on the sleep deprivation part and therefore decided not to have any more. I wonder, from your vitriol towards OP, whether you are struggling with that decision, because I can't see any other reason for you to lay into her like this. If you are, maybe start a thread - because I am sure people will be compassionate on here.

The other thing is that because there is no box to tick for 'sleeper', 'non-sleeper' when you are ttc, you don't know what you are getting - it is possible that OP's other two children did sleep, and that this is new to her. Also, it is cumulative - I genuinely didn't get more than a handful of decent nights for nearly a decade and by the time I got to our third, I was on my knees. You don't know what the next child will do to you when it comes to sleep deprivation. He was well worth it, but at the time I was surprised what a difference one more could make.

OP - I hope you had an OK night last night.

Thanks thebody that's what scares me the most, I feel very vague and have slipped down the stairs, not holding baby thank goodness. I also keep putting things in bizarre places, going into rooms then not remembering why and trailing off half way through a sentence! I think I'm def going to get DH to give me a hand so I can stock up

Thanks thebody that's what scares me the most, I feel very vague and have slipped down the stairs, not holding baby thank goodness. I also keep putting things in bizarre places, going into rooms then not remembering why and trailing off half way through a sentence! I think I'm def going to get DH to give me a hand so I can stock up

Thanks Cats you've have said exactly what I was thinking. It was a bit better due to a combination of advice from posters and my DH lending a hand due to feeling guilty after seeing me reduced to a quivering jelly. You're right about it being cumulative as even though I didn't do CC with my first two doesn't mean they didn't have any sleep problems, I spent many a bight of my first DD's floor she was just older than my DS and was wakeful due to nightmares and was genuinely scared so I don't think it would have worked on her, she stopped when we put her little sister in the same room as her as she is the total opposite!

Time for your DH to help out I think - he has got to accept that it is not responsible to let you continue on so little sleep. Even if he were to get the two oldest up, dressed and breakfasted in the morning so you could crash for an hour it would help a little. Back in time to help in the evenings so you can get your head down at 7.30 with the kids too. In my experience getting him to actively participate in CC won't help tremendously. Men tend to dig their heels in and once a baby becomes hysterical there's no calming them down. That said, for the first waking that happens post or pre dream feed I would send him in to soothe if baby does not resettle after 5/10 mins depending on levels of hysteria. You know yourself when your child is doing the wah, wah, wah cry or when they are genuinely screaming their hearts out. I think ignoring the latter at 6 months is probably counterproductive and you don't sound like your heart is in it.

At six months it is more than likely some teeth in the offing if your baby has been a good little sleeper to date. I would personally try to stick with your normal routine of feeding so you are confident it's not hunger. If you don't usually co-sleep I would avoid it, especially now you are so tired. I fell into this trap with my DD1 and fed her back to sleep for a month or so while her teeth were coming through. Because she was also being weaned at the time, between that and the solids she gave up on having a bottle feed (didn't matter if it was formula or bm) completely and became a complete refusnik and a terrible sleeper. It took ages to crack it.

Have you got a mattress/bed in the baby's room. Camp out for a few nights there - often when they hear your voice they will settle quickly before waking up properly and you can observe whether they are rubbing ears or gnawing a fist in their sleep and dish out the nurofen as necessary.

Don't know if you've read it or not had the concentration level, eyesight or inclination with three kids to look after but I read "Why French Children Don't Throw Food" while pregnant with DD2. The American author talks about her DD1 who is a terrible sleeper and makes it a mission to understand why seemingly ALL french children sleep through the night from about 2 months. It was an interesting and quite an enjoyable light read. I employed the same methods and DD2 slept through from 2 months. Probably just because I got mega lucky this time around but I do recommend it.

Do what works - can you get anyone to come and sit for a few hours this afternoon?

He leaves for work at 5.30 but I will get him to help more in the evenings when he is here. I will definitely look out for that book.

Cats: There are many, many other reasons why we are probably not going to have another child, so I'm not particularly struggling with that decision, although I know others probably would. I just feel passionate about CC (especially in such a very young child) being wrong, and I'm not the only one. I also feel it a bit unfair that the third child should bear the brunt of the cumulative exhaustion - to put it bluntly: after all, he/she didn't ask to be born. The OP now decided to not continue with CC, which is great.

With regards to tick boxes - you're right about there not being any. That's why you should be prepared for anything - SN included. But, like I said, it's just my opinion, and it doesn't mean I need professional attention. Thanks for your concern? Sorry for not saying what you wanted to hear.

OP: Please get your DH to help you during the night. He really should.

' I feel very vague and have slipped down the stairs' - time to do something then. I remember being so tired I got red and green confused at traffic lights (I was on foot). I agree with the rest saying to try and get your husband involved too - if you could catch a couple of hours before proper bedtime that would help. Plus, I think it is healthy for both parents to know what the other is going through.

This book is really good too: www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0863181228/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370946131&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=solving+your+child%27s+sleep+p Though of course, when you are that tired the last thing you have the time or inclination for is reading a book.

Sorry but I still think you need some help with your temper, you're not just disagreeing with CC you are telling a complete stranger that I shouldn't have had my children, that's pretty out there. You can see that other people have said that I was BU to try CC and I accept that and I'm taking that on board and won't be trying it with him again but you went above and beyond with your response

sorry, link here to Richard Ferber's book

If he's getting up at 5.30 unless he's superman I don't think he should get up in the night.

Op cc was utterly fantastic for us,we combined it with GF so there was very little crying after the first couple of nights.All 3 were knackered,well fed,had slept earlier in the day etc inline with the GF routine so it all clicked.

Babies are tough.Babies and toddlers will find nursery an awful lot more stressful than a few nights of cc in their own home,they survive.

The benefits of good sleep for the whole family are huge.Babies and children need good sleep for physical development,health and educational progress.The benefits far out way the negs of a few nights cc.My dc were completely different babies once they started getting better sleep waaaaay happier and content as was I.

To Toys seriously! There are so many benefits to having siblings which a week of cc isn't worth giving up for.Childhood doesn't start and end at the newborn stage which many mothers find hard and in my case loath.Babyhood is something to get through imvho. There are so many parenting stages,I've rocked many,been crap at a few.Perhaps posters should comment on expectations on stages of motherhood you find hard.Other siblings count too,sorry but why exactly should the needs of one outweigh the needs of an entire family which includes the breadwinner trying to manage holding down a job?

Honestly some people live in cloud cuckoo land.

Oh and op I did Gina from 3 months- shoot me now!

3 very well balanced,happy,excellent sleepers here.

No, don't do it.

He's small, he's waking up because he needs you.

And if your 'darling' husband is pressuring you like that into doing something you're uncomfortable with, you need to seriously reassess the relationship balance.

Absolute rubbish Sirboob. Parenting ie bringing in the money and dealing with children are a joint enterprise op's dh is entitled to have his opinion and ideas of what to do.