or am I being "selfish" (MIL's words) to not TTC a sibling for DD?

[icklemssunshine1]

Hi all,

Some of you may know my story but if not I'll give a bit of background: MMC in Feb, followed by ERPC & other medical problems.

Was a family BBQ over weekend & discussion my improving health. MIL asked when we would TTC again as it would be lovely to see DD & a younger sibling running around & splashing in pool. I told her that after a lot of emotional talk DH & I have decided to not have another child - mainly as I couldn't face the risk of another MC. It was heart breaking - still is. MIL told me I was selfish & should put the "needs of DD before my own". Apparently she will grow up "lonely" and "spoiled" and I will not make her a well rounded individual.

It took DH & I a long time to decide this & now I feel like I'm failing my DD.

So AIBU and "selfish"? Or should I just ignore these comments. I'm sure I'll have to deal more in the future when I'm asked why I just have the one child.

YANBU. That was a tough decision for you.

I completely agree that only children can be happy well balanced individuals. I wouldn't want a second DC for DD - it has to be what WE want.

OP the single happiest, most confident child I have ever met was an only child - he's since got a sibling, but at 4, he would walk up to total strangers in the street to chat, play with anybody, etc. You would struggle to find a better adjusted child. He would've been totally fine remaining an only.

Judging by what read on here, anyone who doesn't have two children (one of each, of course! will get comments. I was one of four and we had the comments. SIL has two DDs and she gets them (why no boy etc).

I know it's so easy to say, but try to let it run off your back. I wish I could channel my ex-boss at you- she had a horrific birth with her DS and just decided she didn't want to do that again. Anyone who asked would get a loud description of her 27 hours in labour, how much blood she lost (etc etc). She was amazing....

I too have a MIL who is fond of asking intrusive questions and then not liking the answer. I am now PG with our first and I had to do a verbal version of "nod and smile" yesterday on the phone when she suggested that to have the baby in our room for six months was a ludicrous idea and she "didn't buy" the theory that it prevente SIDS.

I think if she raises it again my response will be "Thank you for your opinion, but I am curious about one thing. When did it become any of your business?"

Just a suggestion...

Hiya Ickle...

Never ends does it?

The mmc is a relatively short time ago. I know i am not 'over' it. Your mil surely can appreciate what a difficult time you've been through. You have made a decision based on how you feel & what is best for your family at this moment in time.

I wouldn't. & don't discuss this sort of stuff with family...its none of their business.

Take care of yourself.

Oh OP, YANBU.
I am sorry for your losses.
I had a MC, and it was heart breaking, so I can understand why you chose not to try again.
In my experience children who are spoiled are not just from one child families. I have met plenty of selfish people who have siblings. In my opinion that comes down to parenting!

Your DD will be just fine as an only child. What siblings do get is interaction with other children... you know like nurseries provide... or school... or playgroups... so something your child won't miss out on in the grand scheme of things.

What your DD will get in spades is your undivided attention! That is priceless! (I have 2 children, and DD loves just her and mummy days, as does DS on his days off nursery.)
Tell your MIL to butt out!

Wow! Overwhelmed with the responses. So good to hear of parents with onelies & those of you who are onelies.
You've made me feel so much more positive.

MIL seems to think I'll change my mind & its just a rash decision to what's happened. Yes, if I didn't have the MMC I would have had two children, but although I'm sad about what's happened no other child could replace the one I lost. In her defense she is blunt (!) but I'm used to her ways. To the poster who asked what DH said he came to my defense straight away & said we will just cherish DD even more. Bet she still thinks its a "phase" though! All I know is since I made the decision I feel brighter - like there's less pressure on me to fulfil some ideal of the perfect family.

I DO have the perfect family (in my eyes & that's all that matters)!

I DO have the perfect family (in my eyes & that's all that matters)!

Exactly dont let her bother you and your dh