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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think 3 yo is too young to 'play out' alone...

61 replies

notanyanymore · 10/06/2013 09:43

It seems to be the norm around my area for the youngsters to play out. Most of them are about 5, they wonder about and sometimes venture into my garden when mine are out on their trampoline, their parents don't seem to mind so I leave them too it mostly.
However one is only about 3, usually she's out with her older sister (5yo) and the other kids. However on a few occasions she's appeared in my garden on her own when the others are at school. Often with no shoes/unsuitable clothing for the weather/just a nappy or clothes that she's wet. The other day she came about 11... was still here when I was giving my children lunch and with no sign of an adult looking for her so I gave her some lunch too (was that wrong?) Eventually she left about 130 and a little while later I heard a male calling her. She came back about half an hour later (with a clean pair of trousers on and some bubbles) and stayed till about just gone 3 when her sister would be due home from school.
What would you do? If anything? I don't feel able to 'send her home' in case she just ends up wandering around on her own, I don't know her parents but have a vague idea where she lives but couldn't go round as I was looking after 2 4yo's, a 3yo, 1yo, and 3 month old! Plus what would I say? I did ring social services for advice, they wanted me to call the police! I know someone who works at the older child's school and they have no concerns their end. Am I wrong to give her food/drinks/let her stay and play? Should I report anything or just butt out? I don't think the parents are unkind, but personally I think she is being made vulnerable through this lack of supervision. I definitely don't want to call the police on them! What would you do? Someone else suggested I mention it to the health visitor?

OP posts:
louschmoo · 10/06/2013 09:46

3 is tiny. A 3 year old should not be left to wander unsupervised. This is neglect. Call the police as social services advised.

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/06/2013 09:47

WRITE to social services, not call.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/06/2013 09:49

Golly. Sad poor little thing.

Latara · 10/06/2013 09:49

It sounds neglectful to me as no-one even bothered to call her in for lunch. It was good of you to give her some food.

Crowler · 10/06/2013 09:49

That's unacceptably young, but you already know that! I think these parents would be well served by a caution from SS.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 10/06/2013 09:50

Definitely call the police, a 3 year old should never be out alone

Concreteblonde · 10/06/2013 09:50

It's a tricky one because my neighbours 3 year old is allowed to play out. We live in a cul de sac though and I know his parents well and they're completely lovely, just a bit more laid back than me! Another neighbour started a realtionship with a guy who had a three year old - one weekend to me she was in the garden with my older kids and then marched into the house with them for a snack quite unconcerned. She didn't even know where she was staying...

I'd maybe try and catch the parents next time they come looking for and mention in a chatty manner about how independent she is ?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/06/2013 09:54

Concrete I totally get what you are saying...the only thing that worries me is the child coming with no shoes, only in a nappy...and the parents having NO idea where she is.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 10/06/2013 09:55

My 3yo DD is allowed to play out in the back garden, but it's safe. (No water, nothing to climb up, 2 gates, one of them locked, no access except through the house etc)

I wouldn't dream of letting her play out the front by herself yet. Shock As others have said, please call the police. :(

notanyanymore · 10/06/2013 09:57

They wanted to me to at the time as she had been in my garden for over an hour without an adult looking for her, I went to ring them, but was unsure so contacted someone I know that works in the relevant police dept in the area for advice. He suggested I report it as concern for the carer as there was no sign of them (I am concerned about how they'll all react) but when I got of the phone she'd just left and then I heard the male calling her name a couple of mins later. I've heard they're moving soon, so I am concerned what will happen to the child then.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 10/06/2013 09:58

I've got a 3 year old and if he wandered into one of the neighbour's houses I'd hope they'd bring him back straight away or phone the police if they didn't know where he lived (if he was lost). We'd be frantic looking for him.

If you just take her in and feed her etc and the parents don't give a shit then who knows whose house she might end up in next.

Crowler · 10/06/2013 09:59

I think you're right to be concerned about how they'll react. Even normal, reasonable people don't react well to parenting "suggestions". Also, where there's neglect, the possibility of drug or alcohol abuse is far greater.

ChunkyPickle · 10/06/2013 09:59

I think you've got to call the police - a three year old is just too little to be wandering around alone (and I'm generally pretty relaxed about kids being independent) - especially barely dressed. Someone needs to have an official word with the parents.

louschmoo · 10/06/2013 10:02

Seriously, a 3 year old playing out by herself and her parents have no idea where she is, and they aren't looking for her even at mealtimes? I don't understand how this is even up for discussion. You've spoken to social services and they gave you advice. You need to follow it.

TooTabooToBoo · 10/06/2013 10:15

That's nothing, until recently a family near me allowed their 3 to to play unsupervised with their 2yo! Thought process being the older children 5, 7, 10, would watch them..only they all buggered off and the babies were left to it.

I saw the police outside shortly after, so assume they were called by a passer by (busy ish road, main bus route).

Week or two later, they were.out again!

Pixieonthemoor · 10/06/2013 10:17

Police and social services as soon as she is next wandering around, esp as they may be moving soon. Three is far far too young. It's just lucky she has wandered into your garden and not onto a main road!!

TooTabooToBoo · 10/06/2013 10:19

I was umming and ahhing about who to call when I saw the police.

DD is friends with 7 yo, hence me knowing the older children were tasked with child minding

Floggingmolly · 10/06/2013 10:23

Three is too young to be either alone or in the care of a five year old!
The five year old is too young to be alone too. Report it, there's serious neglect going on there.

expatinscotland · 10/06/2013 10:23

Too young. There is NOTHING ever 'laid back' about this type of neglect.

TwasBrillig · 10/06/2013 10:24

Happens here. The local kids used to call for my 3 year old and were most put out when I wouldn't let them play without me. Another boy about 4 is often left to roam but does get called in for melts I think and has clothes etc. I feel I've been immersed into a completely different culture.

ItsDecisionTime · 10/06/2013 11:02

I wouldn't call the police, it's nothing to do with you and I'd keep out of it. She isn't necessarily being neglected, that's just how they want to bring her up. If you want to be the good samaritan then treat her like one of your own kids if she comes into your garden and perhaps ask the parents if she's ok being out there on her own and is it ok with them to give her something to eat.

howdoIdealwiththisone · 10/06/2013 11:06

If social services say ring the police then ring the police. Anything could happen to her and then think how you'd feel.

lougle · 10/06/2013 11:07

"She isn't necessarily being neglected, that's just how they want to bring her up."

It's neglect. There is no middle ground. She is not old enough to look after herself and there is no one supervising her.

noblegiraffe · 10/06/2013 11:13

Think about toddlers that drown in ponds and so on. There'll be paddling pools in people's gardens at the moment.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 10/06/2013 11:17

Ring the police as if they are moving you'll never be able to stop worrying about her. Total neglect. My three year old would never be allowed out without me/another family member or friend. Sad