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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 yo is too young to 'play out' alone...

61 replies

notanyanymore · 10/06/2013 09:43

It seems to be the norm around my area for the youngsters to play out. Most of them are about 5, they wonder about and sometimes venture into my garden when mine are out on their trampoline, their parents don't seem to mind so I leave them too it mostly.
However one is only about 3, usually she's out with her older sister (5yo) and the other kids. However on a few occasions she's appeared in my garden on her own when the others are at school. Often with no shoes/unsuitable clothing for the weather/just a nappy or clothes that she's wet. The other day she came about 11... was still here when I was giving my children lunch and with no sign of an adult looking for her so I gave her some lunch too (was that wrong?) Eventually she left about 130 and a little while later I heard a male calling her. She came back about half an hour later (with a clean pair of trousers on and some bubbles) and stayed till about just gone 3 when her sister would be due home from school.
What would you do? If anything? I don't feel able to 'send her home' in case she just ends up wandering around on her own, I don't know her parents but have a vague idea where she lives but couldn't go round as I was looking after 2 4yo's, a 3yo, 1yo, and 3 month old! Plus what would I say? I did ring social services for advice, they wanted me to call the police! I know someone who works at the older child's school and they have no concerns their end. Am I wrong to give her food/drinks/let her stay and play? Should I report anything or just butt out? I don't think the parents are unkind, but personally I think she is being made vulnerable through this lack of supervision. I definitely don't want to call the police on them! What would you do? Someone else suggested I mention it to the health visitor?

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 10/06/2013 11:18

Tell SS to ring the frigging police ffs!

Fluffymonster · 10/06/2013 11:21

Gosh that is too young. I think 5 is also too young to be responsible for other children.

I tend to think that if they are too young to memorise their home address and telephone number, and know what to do in the event of an emergency (life if they/their friends are hurt, or if they can't find them), then they're too young to play out unsupervised.

jammiedonut · 10/06/2013 11:25

You called social services, who told you to call police. So you come on mumsnet instead. . . . I know you said you did once and left it, but you need to do this every time until the message gets through. I wouldn't leave a 3year old unsupervised in my house, let alone past the front door!
I know it's tricky, and you won't want to rock the boat, but you need to follow their advice. Her parents don't know where she is, she's left alone, unsupervised for god knows how long. What happens when you're out and she comes across a not-so-nice stranger or god forbid wanders into the path of a car. At the very least I'd have taken her back home whether parents called her back and asked them what the hell they're playing at! it's very nice of you to take care of her when you can, but it shouldn't have to be your responsibility!

Startail · 10/06/2013 11:30

Sorry, it absolutely is neglect. Playing out when there are lots of school age DCs about is one thing. There were a big group of us on our cul-d-sac aged 10-3. We played out and wandered in and out of each others gardens and houses But our parents all knew each other and No Way would the youngest DCs have been out on their own gardens and wandering about if the older ones were in school.

morethanmama · 10/06/2013 11:37

I wouldn't let my 5 year old out In our front garden by herself let alone a 3 year old away from the house. Neglect.

miffybun73 · 10/06/2013 11:44

Of course YANBU. I'd say even 5 is too young.

My two (just turned 5 and almost 3) never go anywhere alone. I just can't imagine doing this - definitely neglect. Poor kids.

Startail · 10/06/2013 11:48

Just compare nursery security with that of a primary school.
Reception DCs would know wandering off was wrong and dangerous, many 2 and 3 year-olds wouldn't. DD1 wasn't keen on being with lots of other children, she would try and slip off and do her own thing. I choose her preschool very carefully.

Three yearolds have absolutely no sense with respect to and cars backing out of drives. They are likely to approach stray dogs and climb things they shouldn't. They may well not know their address. For 100 reasons they must not be out on their own.

midgeymum2 · 10/06/2013 12:54

Have you reported again to ss or to police yet op?

SugarandSpice126 · 10/06/2013 13:02

Please report to police, this is horrifying. I can't imagine why any caring parent would let their 3 year old wander off frequently for hours. No way.

RalphGnu · 10/06/2013 13:17

I have a three year old and no way on earth would I let him out to play alone. He's quite sensible but if he saw a cat crossing the road he'd chase after it without a second thought. No decent parent would let a three year old out into the street with no shoes/wet nappy/wet clothes.

Please don't hesitate to report to police. The parents need a serious wake up call.

SusanneLinder · 10/06/2013 13:34

I am a slack parent, and was brought up in the sixties/seventies, when parents used to shove their kids out and we didnt appear apart from meal times and bed times. But even then, there is no way a three year old would be out unsupervised.

Call Police-I wouldn't hesitate

MammaTJ · 10/06/2013 13:44

I am not going to get in to a debate about whether a 5 year old is old enough to be out alone, my eldest DD was, DD2 was not and as a concequence, I did not even consider letting DS out at that age, with him being 54 weeks younger than DD2.

However, even if the 3 year old is out with the 5 year old, I do not think anyone would say that a 5 year old is old enough to babysit a 3 year old!! Not on this earth!

LayMeDown · 10/06/2013 13:55

Of course its neglect. Good grief. Leaving a 3 year old alone at home for hours is neglect. People would be prosecuted for this. Leaving a 3 year old wandering the street unsupervised for hours is even more dangerous.

ohmeohmyforgotlogin · 10/06/2013 15:54

Your local authority will have a safeguarding team with a phone number. Call them tell them what you know and they will take responsibility for deciding what needs to happen next. Your responsibility is to escalate this and let people know. Neglect for whatever reason or however lovely the parents seem is child abuse.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 10/06/2013 19:26

Definitely report it ASAP. It's not laid back. If I couldn't see my 3yo I'd be looking for him immediately.

It's especially important since they are moving soon and this needs to be addressed before they move out of the area for the children's sake.

There's parenting styles and then there's neglect and this is the latter.

TBH I wouldn't be surprised if they were already known to SS.

bellybuttonfairy · 10/06/2013 20:30

The social services asked you to phone the police as the child was in immediate danger as was at that moment completely unsupervised.

However, despite the fact that she is now home - there is still an ongoing and real concern that this will happen again so you do need to to speak to ss again and voice your concerns.

If a similar situation occurs again, then as difficult as it would be, you need to contact her allocated social worker if she is safely with you or the police if she is wandering the streets. For her safety, encourage her in if you see her own her own as she is only a little baby and it is dangerous for her to be out on her own.

It is awful neglect.

Altinkum · 10/06/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot · 10/06/2013 20:46

Please do as social services have suggested.

I'm a very chilled single parent with heath issues - so DS spends a percentage of his time unsupervised, including in the (secured) garden with me in the next room. I can't image allowing him out of my sight like this.

jessjessjess · 10/06/2013 21:05

Why are you on here asking what to do instead of calling police as SS said?

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/06/2013 21:10

Why didn't SS call the police? Hmm

tethersend · 10/06/2013 21:33

What concerns me most is that the parents have no idea who the OP is... They have no idea what happens to her while she's out, and they don't care enough to come and find out.

There's no question of this being neglect.

crumblepie · 10/06/2013 21:40

i would report to police or social , 3 is just too young to have any road sense , and she could wander into god knows whose house .

bellybuttonfairy · 10/06/2013 21:41

There is no point calling the police now as the child is not unsupervised but home. You will have to wait until it occurs again to do this. You must put an urgent 'child at risk' referral into ss tommorow am.

mumofweeboys · 10/06/2013 21:41

I think I would have loaded your younger kids into a buggy, walked this child back home and spoke to.her parents with some excuse that u didnt want them to worry so I could have got a feel for home life.

My 4 year old was running around withmy friends 7/8year old in her cul-de-sac last week, in and out of house but I always went looking for both of them if they didnt pop back every 10 mins or so - we were in the garden - supp some people would frown on that

WeAreEternal · 10/06/2013 21:50

Children of that age have no awareness for road safety of real danger, it is seriously neglectful to allow a 3yr old to play out in the street unsupervised.

Please call SS and make them aware of the situation.

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