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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 3 yo is too young to 'play out' alone...

61 replies

notanyanymore · 10/06/2013 09:43

It seems to be the norm around my area for the youngsters to play out. Most of them are about 5, they wonder about and sometimes venture into my garden when mine are out on their trampoline, their parents don't seem to mind so I leave them too it mostly.
However one is only about 3, usually she's out with her older sister (5yo) and the other kids. However on a few occasions she's appeared in my garden on her own when the others are at school. Often with no shoes/unsuitable clothing for the weather/just a nappy or clothes that she's wet. The other day she came about 11... was still here when I was giving my children lunch and with no sign of an adult looking for her so I gave her some lunch too (was that wrong?) Eventually she left about 130 and a little while later I heard a male calling her. She came back about half an hour later (with a clean pair of trousers on and some bubbles) and stayed till about just gone 3 when her sister would be due home from school.
What would you do? If anything? I don't feel able to 'send her home' in case she just ends up wandering around on her own, I don't know her parents but have a vague idea where she lives but couldn't go round as I was looking after 2 4yo's, a 3yo, 1yo, and 3 month old! Plus what would I say? I did ring social services for advice, they wanted me to call the police! I know someone who works at the older child's school and they have no concerns their end. Am I wrong to give her food/drinks/let her stay and play? Should I report anything or just butt out? I don't think the parents are unkind, but personally I think she is being made vulnerable through this lack of supervision. I definitely don't want to call the police on them! What would you do? Someone else suggested I mention it to the health visitor?

OP posts:

Amazinggg · 10/06/2013 22:05

Why are you asking MN - you called the professionals - SS - and they said to call the police!! You MUST do so ASAP.

greenbananas · 10/06/2013 23:15

Social Servces said you should call the police - so this is what you should do!!

This child is clearly at risk. You took her away and fed her (bless you!) without her carers even noticing. If you call the police, the situation is escalated, so that Social Service are more able to act - they have various procedural guidelines to follow, and they are actually asking you to make it easier for them to step in and help this child.

The child is moving soon. How long will it take for another neighbour to notice what you have seen?

Call the police!

pleiadianpony · 10/06/2013 23:26

mumofweeboys has some good advice. Drop little one back to her house when she comes over.

What could be happening is that these parents are assuming that it's absolutely fine for their 3 year old to toddle round and be kept an eye on by you. If it's not o.k with you then they need to know this. You could say something like 'ooh it looks like she's lost her shoes!' and see how they react. Gut reaction can tell us alot.

  If the parent's have come to think that you are supervising her (which is seriously lax and quite neglectful parenting) and you call the police, then you will have crossed wires which could cause problems to erupt.  SS are suggesting you call the police as a 3 year old unaccompanied child is at risk of significant harm. At the moment she is not unaccompanied, you are supervising her i'm afraid!.

If after this you you are still concerned, call social services again. Say you wish to speak to the duty worker and that you think the child is at risk of harm and you want your concerns to be logged. Be prepared to give a name address and date of birth of the child and parents and dates and be very clear about what your concerns are. 'she is at risk because...' on this day child was.... inappropriate dress (what was the weather like? ' Share your gut feelings (clearly and in a straight forward way) if you have been to the house, spoken to parent etc.

You may need to be very assertive and clear. Unfortunately Social Care are so stretched and inundated with concerns that filtering genuine safeguarding issues from vague, malicious and well meaning 'do-gooders' is a complex task. Being clear will mean that they can process and make a descision more quickly.

I'd make sure that you get this logged by Social care. If you have any concerns after this then it will be easier for Social Services to build a picture and make a decision about whether they need to intervene.

Well done.

trackies · 10/06/2013 23:26

3 yo should'nt be wondering around for hours on their own without parents knowing where she is. Call the police. Not laid back, it is neglect.

midgeymum2 · 11/06/2013 10:00

Please do something about this op. I know it can't be easy but this little girl needs someone to look out for her.

pudcat · 11/06/2013 10:31

I just wonder why you did not take the child back home when it was lunch time. That to me seems the most sensible thing to do. Why jump straight on the SS bandwagon instead of taking her home.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 12/06/2013 01:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crowler · 12/06/2013 08:52

Safe bet that these parents are rough.

greenbananas · 12/06/2013 12:34

^ Safe bet that these parents are rough.^

Not all 'rough' people are bad parents, Crowler - and neglect happens in all walks of life. A friend once reported a very well-to-do family for leaving their 13 year old unsupervised at home every week while they worked at high powered jobs in different cities. That child was just as neglected as this one, but less visible because he wasn't on the street.

Crowler · 12/06/2013 12:48

Good grief. Where did I say that all rough people are bad parents? What I actually suggested was she would be safe to assume that these particular bad parents are rough (see the difference) because the OP has her safety to consider.

By definition this child is more neglected because she is being deprived of shelter and clothing and is ten years younger than this child you speak of (who is not the subject of this thread). I have no idea how you've managed to draw a parallel between a 13 year old child being left home alone and a 3 year old wandering shoeless outside.

MatureUniStudent · 12/06/2013 13:09

I'd be wary as you become legally responsible if the 3 yr old tot has an accident in your garden/house. I'd also not wish to assume the responsibility for another person's child.

I was sat watching sports on a Saturday morning in a park on a freezing day in London a while back. The 5 yr old happily told me he was in charge of his 3yr old and 2yr old siblings and they were to stay out until the afternoon. No coat, no food and I could have been a dangerous person.

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