DP lying about stuff

[MyGrain]

DP took his kids to the cinema yesterday. He told me they were going Saturday night so I was suprised to receieve a text off him at 5pm saying the film was shit. I asked "how come you went so early?" and he replied "oh the boys just asked to go this afternoon instead"

Bullshit, they never do that. What has happened is he has agreed to take and pay for DSSs girlfriend without telling me. And why doesn't he tell me? because he tells me we can't afford to do this, that and the other (if it involves me spending any money basically) yet he'll happily go out and spend money on someone else to keep his ds happy. Now don't get me wrong, I know a cinema ticket is only £5ish and it won't exactly break the bank but only a few weeks ago the same girlfriend ended up tagging along for a meal with them (you can add an extra £20 on that then) and DP has also suggested that he might agree to to take her to a festival with them in summer (that will cost us over £100 more). It's taking the piss. Not because I begrudge the girl but I DO begrudge being told I can't spend money on myself or join a £5 a week gym etc yet we can spend money willy nilly on this girl to pacify DSS. I know what's going on, DP thinks if it's a choice between spending the weekend with his dad or his girlfriend DSS would choose the girlfriend so he's trying to keep her in on the access weekends but one - we supposedly can't afford extras and two - why fucking lie to me????

Oh and on top of this, DP text me last night to say his youngest son is getting worried about having to share a bedroom on a weekend with his elder brother (they've already been given the biggest bedroom in the house and I sure as hell am not having my two kids sharing to give them a bedroom of their own each when they're only here once a week) so dp says "don't know why, we'll have to sort something out" - errr wouldn't be because you've agreed to let DSS1 have his girlfriend over every weekend would it?? again, why lie? And on that subject, if the two lads are no longer sharing that room, is it still fair for them to have the biggest bedroom in the house whilst my lads are squashed into tiny rooms with all their stuff?

MyGrain, you've got a few threads going about this man.

From this OP, he is obviously more concerned about his DC than he is about you.

Can you say the same about your DC? Do you care enough about them to stand your found on this. Or to ensure they don't grow up thinking an abusive relationship is normal, for that matter?

I know this is harsh, but I really do think you need to consider your children.

He lied because he knew how you'd react.

I can't work out the rights and wrongs of the situation -- but that is why he lied.

Stand your ground, not found

If it only one night a week, I'm sure someone could sleep on a sofa, or camp bed.

Sounds like he trying to maintain contact during the difficult teen years, which is really difficult, but won't last long.

Do you get on with your step sons?

Yeah he knew how I'd react but within reason surely? I mean fine - go out and spend loads of money on the kids and the girlfriend, I genuinely don't care - but don't tell me at the same time that I can't join a £5 a week club as there isn't enough spare income!

Yeah the kids are great, I have no issues with them whatsoever. I just don't like being lied to and made to feel like everyone elses wants and needs come above mine. Yes or course the kids come first but the kids girlfriends? where does it stop?

TBH this doesn't seem much of a relationship. Are you living together?

Atleast he is putting his children first which is lovely as some fathers don't. Well done to him for being a good dad. I assume he hasn't told you as he knows this is how you would react

We're moving in together next week. At this stage it would cost me more to get out of it than it would to go ahead with it.

He's a dick.

Seriously, he's not your partner.
Partner implies an equal partnership. You do not have that.

LTB.

Don't know whether i have read correctly, but if he only sees them at weekends then why shouldn't he placate them a little.

Is it okay for your children to miss out on extras that are freely given to DSS's GF?

Or to see you missing out on extras, and being told what you can and can't spend money on. Is this the behaviour you want to model to your children?

Why is it okay for your children to be given the understanding that they and you are second class citizens?

Since when does "putting your children first" mean shitting on your partner? I couldn't imagine saying to him "you're not joining the gym as that's £5 a month we can't afford - oh and by the way I'll be spending £20 extra on outings this weekend as we have DS's girlfriend with us."

Infact - this will sound like drip feeding now but we're also paying out £45 a month on football season tickets for him and the DSSs. Yet I can't join a £5 a week gym?

Don't move in with him because you'll lose out financially at this point.

Once you have moved in, moving out is likely to cost a hell of a lot more, both in emotional and financial terms. Cut your losses, and keep your own house.

Did you expect any different?

Move in with this guy. Your kids will end up as second class citizens sharing a room and having fuck all spent on them and every penny of that begrudged while his kids get everything.

You know his kids come first, second and third from his behavior yet you are still talking about moving in with him and subjecting your kids to this.

Did he even ask your opinion of allowing a 17 year olds girlfriend over every week end?

Wake up and stop this!

There is an age where kids do prefer to spend time with friends/girlfriends than parents so I don't blame him tbh. Re the rooms he needs to find a way to get a bigger house if he is going to insist on that

God, OP, he is financially abusing you, and (from your other thread) gas lighting you.

DON'T MOVE IN WITH HIM!

Pay more and don't move in.

Oh yeah he asked my opinion :

"I think DS might start asking for his girlfriend to stay at weekends"

"DS will be wanting his girlfriend to stay at weekends, I'd obviously run it past you first"

"obviously DS's girlfriend will be staying on weekends sometimes ... "

ok so it's gone from he MIGHT ask for her to stay to she WILL be staying.

Now apart from anything else, what about poor DSS2?? he's essentially been left without a bedroom to sleep in so that DS1 can have his girlfriend over. How is that even fair?? Laughably DP suggested that DSS2 can use our bedroom until it's time for bed to watch TV etc ... what next, am I sleeping on the sofa every weekend?? It's actually becoming funny in a warped kinda way.

Why are you considering moving in with him?

No it is not funny. Your kids are stuck in the middle of this.

If it was just you then I would say you know what is coming move in at your peril.

Your kids don't have a choice. You are forcing this dire life on them.

Their life is going to be fucking shit once you move in.

The thing is, it's absolutely fine for him to want to have a good relationship with his son. It's lovely that he allows the GF to tag along. It's fine that he will let her stay overnight.

It is not fine for him to do all this without consulting you. It is not fine that you and your children will miss out on whatever generosity is extended to his children.

And it's not fine that he lies to you.

Yeah, it would be funny, if it wasnt going to impact so negatively on your children's lives.

Oh and a 17 year old will not be watching TV in your room with his girlfriend. They will be fucking in your bed and then you either sleep in the sheets they used or who will change them?