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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP lying about stuff

62 replies

MyGrain · 09/06/2013 09:17

DP took his kids to the cinema yesterday. He told me they were going Saturday night so I was suprised to receieve a text off him at 5pm saying the film was shit. I asked "how come you went so early?" and he replied "oh the boys just asked to go this afternoon instead"

Bullshit, they never do that. What has happened is he has agreed to take and pay for DSSs girlfriend without telling me. And why doesn't he tell me? because he tells me we can't afford to do this, that and the other (if it involves me spending any money basically) yet he'll happily go out and spend money on someone else to keep his ds happy. Now don't get me wrong, I know a cinema ticket is only £5ish and it won't exactly break the bank but only a few weeks ago the same girlfriend ended up tagging along for a meal with them (you can add an extra £20 on that then) and DP has also suggested that he might agree to to take her to a festival with them in summer (that will cost us over £100 more). It's taking the piss. Not because I begrudge the girl but I DO begrudge being told I can't spend money on myself or join a £5 a week gym etc yet we can spend money willy nilly on this girl to pacify DSS. I know what's going on, DP thinks if it's a choice between spending the weekend with his dad or his girlfriend DSS would choose the girlfriend so he's trying to keep her in on the access weekends but one - we supposedly can't afford extras and two - why fucking lie to me????

Oh and on top of this, DP text me last night to say his youngest son is getting worried about having to share a bedroom on a weekend with his elder brother (they've already been given the biggest bedroom in the house and I sure as hell am not having my two kids sharing to give them a bedroom of their own each when they're only here once a week) so dp says "don't know why, we'll have to sort something out" - errr wouldn't be because you've agreed to let DSS1 have his girlfriend over every weekend would it?? again, why lie? And on that subject, if the two lads are no longer sharing that room, is it still fair for them to have the biggest bedroom in the house whilst my lads are squashed into tiny rooms with all their stuff?

OP posts:
SanityClause · 09/06/2013 09:46

Just out of interest, where does he live now? Does he have room for his DS's to have their own rooms, and for the GF to stay?

Or is he using your financial input to enable him to get a property where he can do this?

Sallyingforth · 09/06/2013 09:47

End it now.

TooHotToFuss · 09/06/2013 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MyGrain · 09/06/2013 09:49

No he wanted the youngest to watch TV in our bed. No doubt the 17 year old will be bought a double bed and will eventually take over the full bedroom that was meant for both DSs.

At the moment he has a two bedroomed house. The youngest shares with him so that the eldest can have his own room. He needs me to get this particular house but he could go and get a 3 bedroomed on his own (which would still give his kids a room each).

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 09/06/2013 09:52

OP why are you even asking here if you ignore every bit of advice and keep making excuses for this abuser.
I'm out too.

SanityClause · 09/06/2013 09:52

Well, I suggest you let him go and do that. He doesn't need you, and your lovely children sure as hell don't need him.

Sallyingforth · 09/06/2013 09:52

OP why are you even asking here if you ignore every bit of advice and keep making excuses for this abuser.
I'm out too.

Sallyingforth · 09/06/2013 09:53

Sorry double post. Bye!

TidyDancer · 09/06/2013 09:56

OP, this is clearly not a relationship that is going to work for you, is it?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/06/2013 09:57

So he wants your children to sleep in the box room?

WitchOfEndor · 09/06/2013 09:58

It might cost you more to back out than move in now, but the true cost will be the fallout in your family if things continue this way. If I were you I would put a halt on moving in and tell him why. He can either agree to stop lying and be fair or not. Then you know what to do next. If you move in now you risk this situation continuing indefinitely.

Hassled · 09/06/2013 10:02

Why on earth is he dictating whether or not you spend a fiver on a gym when you don't even live together yet?

Please listen to what everyone is saying - if it is this shit now it will be far more shit living together. It doesn't mean you have to split, if that's not what you want - but this is a move that will end in tears.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 09/06/2013 10:03

You are having these problems already before you move in...can't you hear the warning bells? This is your chance not to make a huge mistake...

LisaMed · 09/06/2013 10:05

Once he has got you under his roof - and he will see it as his roof - then he will really start being unpleasant. What you are going through is the warm up.

Why are you not protecting your children? Why are you forcing them to be bullied out of the way by him and his kids? How do you think they will feel about this? You are telling them they are worth nothing. You are telling your children you value your relationship with a man who makes things hard for them and his children who make things harder for them over your children. Hope you are not expecting a relationship with them after they are old enough to leave home.

Inertia · 09/06/2013 10:07

Well it looks like we all know the answers to your questions - it's not fair for you and your kids to go without to subsiside DSS girlfriend, it's unacceptable for DP to lie to you.

The underlying question is why you are still planning to move in and pool finances with this man , when you disagree so fundamentally about housing and money.

ArtexMonkey · 09/06/2013 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bleedingheart · 09/06/2013 10:09

This is such a sad thread. You are willing to put your children through this for the sake of losing money?

ImperialBlether · 09/06/2013 10:09

Why do you take no notice of anything anyone says? Can't you see you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life if you move in with this selfish twat? He doesn't care for you. All he cares about are his children. Well, that's fine, but that's your cue to not live with him.

Do you intend to move in together, knowing what you know and feeling as you feel? Really?

Bobyan · 09/06/2013 10:10

Run, run like the wind.

FarBetterNow · 09/06/2013 10:12

RUN.

Everyone is saying the same - RUN.

FarBetterNow · 09/06/2013 10:14

Why are you with him?

What do you like about him?

What do you love about him?

Groovee · 09/06/2013 10:14

I'd be running for the hills, than move in with this bloke.

Xales · 09/06/2013 10:15

This will destroy your relationship with your kids.

They will not thank you for this and they will walk as soon as they can.

Mmmnotsure · 09/06/2013 10:15

He needs me to get this particular house

That might be your answer, OP.

You will have even less control over your life and your dc's lives after you move in. And it may be very difficult for you and your dc to get out then.

Jinty64 · 09/06/2013 10:15

Do. Not. Move. In. With. Him.

How old are your dc's. Do they have another parent they can live with who will put them first. If you can't spend £5 on a gym before you live with him then you certainly won't be able to buy anything for your dc's once you do.

There is nothing wrong with him puting his ds's first, with or without girlfriend. I would put mine first every time. You need to let him get his own three bedroomed house and share the rooms as he wishes and you need to look after your own dc's.

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