To be saddened by this casual gender stereotyping?

[SuiGeneris]

DS went to a third birthday party recently. Lovely family that we would like to get to know more. As seems common round here there was an entertainer who spun out a story and games on a pirate theme. It started off with there being an island full of monsters that the boys (aka pirates) were asked to scare away "so that it would be safe for the princesses to come onto the island". I was stunned (and, it must be said, sad and irritated) that in this day and age, in London, in an educated environment, this should be acceptable. Of course the hostess probably had not heard the story before and the other parents would not have said anything through politeness but.. Really??

As it happens DS asked to be a princess when it came to the face painting and none of the other children said anything. At just 3 I think they are unaware of stereotypes, so why foist them on them?

How about saying that the white children are cowboys and any non-white children are Indians. I mean, they could choose if they wanted to swop groups...

Yanbu. Gender stereotyping rarely puts women in the driving seat as evidenced here. I'm sure the dc would have had as much fun if not more all being monsters/ aliens/ animals etc.

Round here pirate and princess party stuff is sold in the £1 shop so I can see why it's used as a theme regularly and therefore may be seen as being more popular than other themes.

An entertainer for 3 year olds though! Bloody hell, there's me thinking I could get away with musical chairs til ds is a tween :)

If you see the news, when real today pirates are areested, I have never ever seem girl pirates.
So the boys being pirates is bang up to date from what I have seen.

YANBU.

To be honest, it is a small thing, but it's one small thing in a collection of lots of small things that are just deemed acceptable. It is teaching children from a young age what 'catergory' they fit in and what roles they should be playing. Something which will then be reinforced by the next thing and the next thing until girls think they need rescuing and boys think they need to do the rescuing.

LOL - Real life -
PIRATES - nasty, murderous, dirty, thieves.
PRINCESS - position of power with lots of money. (one became our Queen after all)

And you're complaining about the girls being stereotyped...

I also get the feeling sometimes on mn that if your daughter likes princesses and glitter and is fairly sweet and passive you've somehow failed her. People boast about their girls hating princesses etc.. Just seems a bit extreme.
My dd is just a toddler so all she is interested in is In the Night Garden and, for some reason, turtles, but if she likes princesses in the future, fine. If not, fine. My DS likes dinosaurs and dragons. Have I failed him?

YANBU

I'd have been pissed off too. As someone else said, racial stereotyping is very much NOT ok in this situation, so why should gender be?

Boys in dresses is ok

Girls in pirates outfit is ok

Girl chooses a princess dress and we can't have that it's stereotypical. They r three chances are the dress will be accessorised with a sword and a fire fighter hat.

Seems that choosing Is ok unless a girl chooses something Girly.

madeofstardust this kind stereotyping which is completely pervasive actually has more affect on the boys than the girls. the girls can choose to be either role or a mix very easily as you did and if they do people will praise them for not be pigeonholed. but for boys they can choose up until 4 or 5 as OP ds did but then they get shoved more and more firmly down the boy stuff route which includes not only believing there are things they should do but also that there are things girls should not.

girls actively get encouraged that they can be what they like butr i am not sure there is as much time managing the expectations that boys develop of gender roles. so it becomes harder for them to choose less masculine toys for example.

and almost all toys are gender stereotyped. my dds one chooses princesses the other pirates. they have a mix of toy types.but i don't think they have any wannabe princess male friends who play with dolls anymore. lots of them used to bath the dolls and role play ironing but not anymore as they would be ridiculed.

play is practise for life. it is how we learn. so boys are learning that certain things are NOT their role.

Unless I've missed something, the girls were not told what team they had to be on. And the op's ds chose to be a princess.
I'm honestly flummoxed as to where the gender stereo typing comes in.
Boys and girls are different, that's basic biology; pirates and princesses are fairly different too; but nobody insisted either sex conformed to any preconceived idea as to who could play which roles.
If op's ds had been ridiculed for dressing in pink she might have a point.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip, you said what I was trying to say much more succinctly!

Dd went to a girls only fairy party as a ninja (her choice, we do have pink tutus in the dressing up box) . The entertainer did her best to get the fairies to search for the magic diamond for the fairy princesses tiara but dd had them all sword fighting the (imaginary) evil pixies by the end. Party girls mum was very good about it, she thought it was funny. Entertainer was not amused, to her the party had 'gone wrong'. The girls had a blast.

I agree with mycaffiene

Well as I read it, it was assumed that boys would be pirates and girls princesses. As I read it, either gender would have had to stand up and actively ask to swop.

Caffeine - It isn't about it not being ok to choose to dress as a princess. It is about girls being told "You are princesses, now stand there whilst the boys look after you".

Really? You were "stunned"? You're easily offended and shocked aren't you?

I think the yabu crowd are feeling defensive because they or their dds like to be princesses and adore the pink sparkle look. Perhaps if you made it clear that this is also a valid and acceptable choice? I know lots of girls, and some boys, who love to be ultra feminine (as they percieve it) and would hate to be pirates. That is fine too. Everyone is different.

Children's party entertainers have a hard and scary job imo. They are sometimes very strange creepy people as well. Or perhaps that is just around here.

But the kids won't play the game if they don't want to. And as trice demonstrated they often deviate and do their own thing. And no where does it say that no girls were allowed to be pirates.

trice. My DD works in a man's environment.
Only 14% of people there are gilrs.

To all those who are bothered by all of this.
Are you going to carry it on threough, to encourage them to be car mechanics, roofers, lorry drivers, central heating engineers etc. the list goes on and on.
There are only about 1 - 5% of girls in these industries.

It's not about girls liking pink or choosing to be princesses.

As the OP stated, it's about boys being given the active, rescuer role and girls being given the passive, delicate role.

How about in my hypothetical cops and robbers party, black children are allowed to refuse to play or choose to be cops if they ask - does that mean it is fine that the assumption was that black children will play the criminal role and white children play the police role?

girls not gilrs.

YANBU. For all the reasons above. Would have irritated me too. Fortunately the most influential role model she'll ever have is you, so she's a lucky girl to have a mum that bothers about the 'small stuff'.

My goodness major overreaction! We're the children happen and entertained? The entertainer is not for you! It's just one small event in your child's life fgs

Happy I meant

Would you think the same about racial stereotyping pigletmania?

Totally different clover, it's not like with like. Really some people just find fault with everything. Tbh I used to be a tomboy as a child, a wore boys clothes and had plastic guns, played cowboys and Indians. It's just one little part of a child's life, some people are so hit picky