Not to go?

[FunkyNails]

Earlier today a neighbour that I have not met really before (DP knows them as he has lived here longer) asked us over for a BBQ just as we were going out as we were coming back DP was keen to go over so I agreed. However when we got back it had been raining a bit and the garden had been shut up and the party had clearly wound up a bit and moved inside. Now at this point I should probably confess to being rather antisocial I hate trying to meet new people, I have few close friends outside work and am terrible at small talk. In any case DP being the social butterfly that he is still wanted to knock on the door and join the group and I said it was rude to join a dwindling party of new parents he said I was making excuses because I didn't like the social atmosphere and he is really annoyed I won't go places.

YANBU it's the way I would react too.

I wouldnt have knocked on the door either maybe popped over for half an hour if they were still outisde but not go into the house YANBU

Presumably he knows you're a bit antisocial and stays with you anyway, so he can't really moan about it. Does sound a bit like you were making excuses though, it's better to just be honest about why you didn't want to go, not wanting to meet people isn't illegal!

I would have gone in - you said you would and what's the worst that could happen?

YABU if you tried not to let your DH go.
YANBU if you didn't want to go yourself but happily let your DH go

What did you say when they invited you? Did you say "no thanks we're going out" or "we'd love to but could we pop in later?"

When we left the BBQ hadnt quite started yet so the invite was on the basis of if you're around later pop over. I didn't try to stop DP going he had some papers he wanted to take over so I suggested he drop them off and if still invited ie party not finished then he could give me a shout and I'd feel better about the situation knowing we weren't imposing but he said he was fed up making excuses so went off in a huff then went on his own for half an hour. His argument is the I need to work at it to be more sociable

Yanbu

I hate people too . your DH has gone , you haven't , you're not joined at the hip I'm assuming. Although him going in a huff to a neighbours BBQ that is almost over because you are staying at home is a bit extreme

I have not gone to DP 's nieces wedding today because I don't want to , I don't like people , I don't like social gatherings and I can't bear to hear his lot banging on .

He's gone for 2 nights and took the eldest child.

I feel no remorse

Your DH IBU to want to force you into doing something he knows will make you uncomfortable and unhappy.

Why would he do that??

Because he thinks he can make you feel OK around other people by pressuring you with tantrums?

Or because he felt he was losing out/face by you not doing as you're told?

Have you ever told him you don't want to work on it, that he should accept you how you are and it's your fucking decision.

I'm not keen on other people either Shiny, but I like you

Any guilt has wafted away on the quiet breeze in an empty house...y'lucky bastard.

YANBU
I wouldn't have knocked door.
In fact I probably would've found an excuse to not go even if the bbq was still in full swing.

Eek, I attended a bbq today, on my own as I'm single but some people that I know were there, I just couldn't get away fast enough, I did an hour and a half having turned up really late in the first place, the temperature had dropped and it was mostly inside. I'm sure it's still buzzing now, but I'm not that sociable either lol.

[Smile] Maybe my anti-social behaviour is more normal than I thought. Shiny you sound like your having a quiet weekend, poor you

I wouldn't probably go into the house if it looks from the outside it had finished up. I need to work on being more sociable too.. something I don't confess much in RL but a lot of people drive me mad. I can be very sociable and have to be in my job etc. No one would guess but a secret loner is what I am.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

(sorry for grammar there)

Mrspaddy I think you have a point there when you have to do it for your job sometimes when you get home you just want to relax and not be sociable. Maybe I should work on it though...

I think it's something you will have to work on if you are going to be together long term with someone who does like social situations. I'm not sure why you not liking them should be more important than him liking to get together with friends, you are going to have to work out how you are going to deal with situations like this over the next 40 years or more - it's quite an important difference in the way you live your lives.

www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

Someone pointed me towards this the other day. It is me all over.

I'm an introvert and proud of it.

That list is bang on Calabria

I'm going to show it to DS2 because he is the same as me but (being a teenager) often thinks there's something "wrong with him" because he doesn't want to go out to parties etc.

Very interesting read Calabria I read it to DP he was interested and did lots (and lots) of nodding lets see if it helps