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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is pathetic and to be losing my patience? (re: seating at wedding)

86 replies

CartwrightMiss · 08/06/2013 17:56

My partner has two brothers and both will be ushers (getting married late July)

Both brothers/ushers will be sat on the front row at the church on the grooms side along with other close members of the family. Both brothers have partners, both are invited but neither are going to be sat on the front row - as there just really isn't enough room.

Both girlfriends get on really well and will be sat together in the church. BIL is complaining that he wants to sit next to his girlfriend and how unfair it is.

They will be sat together during the meal and can be together for the whole day, the girlfriend will be sat with other girlfriend at the church so not alone at all and yet he is still complaining.

Starting to lose my temper. Aibu?

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/06/2013 19:00

That's just insania. Is the BIL twelve or something?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/06/2013 19:01

I thought ushers stayed at the back?

But either way, its only for half hour and she wont be on her own so why is BIL stressing over it? I'd pay no attention to him, let futureDH do it :)

flowery · 08/06/2013 19:05

It is a little bit pathetic but is there any reason he can't sit with her? Not front row obviously.

GibberTheMonkey · 08/06/2013 19:06

I would say you have had it pointed out to you that an usher is supposed to stay at the back for any stragglers

amazingmumof6 · 08/06/2013 19:11

we went to a Jewish wedding once where women and men sit separately.
so what? it was different than what were used to but it wouldn't have entered my mind to complain.

equally if DH had a role like that, he'd be honoured and would not behave like a 3 year old, wanting to sit next to "mummy"

why is BIL unable to be separated from girlfriend for 1 hour or so?
what an immature attitude!

BIL is DBU!

anyway, it's your wedding and this is not a bridezilla type crazy selfish request on your behalf, but a very common occurrence - loads of couples don't sit together in these circumstances, same with bridesmaids etc..

there are really two options, he can either sit with his girlfriend, but he's not an usher anymore or he can behave like an adult, be supportive and do as he is told.

sheesh

SoupDragon · 08/06/2013 19:13

FGS, just let him sit in the second row with his girlfriend. On the day you will have no idea where anyone is sitting.

SoupDragon · 08/06/2013 19:15

I think it is a clash of the 'zillas.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/06/2013 19:16

Just thought, are they actually groomsmen with usher duties.. so will need to walk out with the bridesmaids at the end? I have seen that done before, but the guys still stayed at the back and walked up during the bit where bride and groom are signing and then all walk out together. So they could still be at the back, by their girlfriends if they wish...

TheOneAndOnlyAllan · 08/06/2013 19:19

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Can't believe he asked to sit next to her, can't believe you're making such a fuss about it. In any case as said above, it's more use to have the ushers near the back, or at the very least on the end of rows so they can slip into and out of their seats easily.

Original poster
CartwrightMiss · 08/06/2013 19:21

Since when is there a seating plan for the church?
YABB (YAB Bridezilla)

Well there isn't really a set seating plan, just that the front pews are reserved for my parents, bridesmaids, ushers, siblings.

The rest of the pews people can sit wherever the hell they like, I just mentioned that the girlfriends would be sitting together as they are going to the church together.

I don't think it's being a bridezilla to want my mother on the front row rather than for example a cousin I see once a year.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/06/2013 19:24

No, but it is bridezillaish to try to insist people sit where you want them to and not where they want to.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/06/2013 19:27

FGS. I hate the term bridezilla.

Its one fuckn

wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/06/2013 19:28

Fucking day of the year. Its the brides and grooms wedding. If their families cannot suck it up for an hour then why are they even there at all.

AThingInYourLife · 08/06/2013 19:29

"Can't believe he asked to sit next to her, can't believe you're making such a fuss about it."

^ This

This man is about to become your brother in law.

Will it really kill you to indulge him in this one, admittedly silly but ultimately harmless, request?

NoWayPedro · 08/06/2013 19:31

Not it meant at you in particular OP but wtf is it with wedding arrangements and everything being so prescriptive, and then guests in turn getting peed off with said arrangements.

I couldn't be arsed with it but equally if I was invited to a wedding and there were particular arrangements, I wouldn't care less and would do whatever. Their day and if they care where I sit, what difference does it make to me. People really need to calm down.

Original poster
CartwrightMiss · 08/06/2013 19:33

No, but it is bridezillaish to try to insist people sit where you want them to and not where they want to.

But then surely people who do a table plan (which is a large majority of people) would be classed as being a bridezilla under your definition?

OP posts:
Bue · 08/06/2013 19:40

But what the OP is suggesting is standard for a church wedding. There just isn't room for everyone and their partner/best mate/dog in the front pew! And quite frankly it's a bit pathetic that a grownup can't roll with it for 30 minutes - it's not as if she is asking them to be apart for the whole day.

However OP, if it is really going to cause such a problem, could the ushers sit in the second pew with their GFs? That wouldn't be so bad.

flowery · 08/06/2013 19:52

Why can't he sit with her OP? No one is saying its bridezilla to want your mother in the front row, but it is a bit bridezilla to tell one of the ushers he has to.

Vivacia · 08/06/2013 19:53

It isn't usual for ushers to sit at the front. It's usual for them to be at the back to assist (i.e. usher) late comers or to sit with their family in the congregation.

Vivacia · 08/06/2013 19:54

I suspect he'll want to sit next to her for her sake, not his.

Original poster
CartwrightMiss · 08/06/2013 20:02

I suspect he'll want to sit next to her for her sake, not his

No, she's fine with it. Her and other girlfriend have known each other for a long time (went to school together), we have met up for lunch just the three of us before.

They were talking about going to the hairdressers together (booked appointments) and travel arrangements for the church, then obviously they would be sitting together in the church and sitting with their partners during the meal.

I wouldn't want her to be sat by herself and not know anyone - but this isn't the case at all. It is just BIL who has a problem with it.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 08/06/2013 20:08

He's a complete dick. Tell him to sit with her, then. But not in the front row.

Patchouli · 08/06/2013 20:17

I do also think a table plan is bridezilla

flowery · 08/06/2013 20:23

Organising a wedding is stressful OP, I'm sure you have lots to worry about. So why give this headspace? Pick your battles and just let him sit where he wants, surely?!

BelleEtLaBaby · 08/06/2013 20:26

I agree with senua - one of the loveliest parts of a wedding is sitting with your partner and sharing that lovely moment with them. I have sat with dh and also apart, and I always miss him a bit. Just that little hand squeeze or whatever. It's lovely. Especially if everyone else is with their dp's.

Could you pop the brothers and gf's in the second row? If there's no room on the front row, put one usher and gf on the end of each row behind, so they can nip in once everyone is sat and nip out at the end to open doors or whatever. Unless there's a specific reason they must be at the front, let them sit together Wouldn't you rather everyone was happy?

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