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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..to think there is nothing wrong with being a "pushy" parent (Part 2)

158 replies

Xenia · 08/06/2013 11:33

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1770750-To-think-that-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-being-a-pushy-mum?pg=40

Just in case anyone wanted to continue the thread which just got too full.

OP posts:
Crouchendmumoftwo · 10/06/2013 22:52

I know a lot of few very pushy parents who micro manage their children's diets, friends, education (tutors) and have no real free time due to various lessons be it swimming, martial arts, music, tennis etc. I had a friend whos daughter does so much homework and additional classes (she is now in a top public school aged 5 ) she looks permanently exhausted and spaced out. At her birthday party she just stood there and didnt really interact with the other kids. Even her party was organised with supervised crafts and was really boring and stiff.

Personally I feel that these parents have issues that they havent dealt with in their own lives of of not being 'successful' or feeling in control. Two of the women look like they have eating disorders and I fear their daughters will end up the same with eating disorders, social problems and real mental health issues.

Sounds OTT but I think its detrimental to children to push them so hard and not let them get bored and become creative and social and depend on themselves. I work in the 'creative' industry and have seen many Oxbridge CVs and tossed them aside for more interesting ones where people have visibly had a life and done something a bit different, been challenged and not taken the usual path/s. Lots of Oxbridge people I have met (including my father) are incredibly stiff and not great socially due to the reasons I have mentioned. You have to strike a balance and relax and not put your anxieties on to your children. I know one mother who stands at the side of the martial arts lesson my son attends screaming for him to do better, its very pitiful and he seems very angry and unhappy, he is carted off to activity after activity and I feel sorry for him. I guess it's middle class abuse!

Hullygully · 11/06/2013 11:42

Everyone is really saying the same thing

On the whole people are drawn to those of their own ilk because they recognise them

MC children on the whole have more access to more activities/sports/music lessons (financially if nothing else)

This on the whole offers an advantage when being interviewed by a similar person and is the reason why a lot of unis have outreach programmes to try and reach other children.

Pushing children to your agenda on the whole leads to great unhappiness

we all want the best for and the happiest for our own children

Xenia · 11/06/2013 11:55

I am sure morethan is working around the speech issues. I suppose we all have aspects of how we are which make it easier or harder at work. I said above how I do not want to spend evenings at drinks parties with potential clients and am lucky enough to have avoided that. Others would adore it - free drinks, new people, night after night.

On speech it depends what work you do. Someone giving me work yesterday rather sweetly said he was not very good verbally (as it if matters at all and in fact he got his points over fine) but he obviously has a bit of a thing about it and worries. Someone last week said they would email me (work thing) because they have hearing problems and that is fine too. However it is certainly worth trying to ensure children can communicate well unless they are picking careers where it does not matter. Most of the people at our local garage virtually grunt although they do the job well enough and I had to be warned about a computer programmer coming to see me because he has some form of aspergers and would not be looking me in the eye etc so is not normally sent to meetings.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 11/06/2013 12:21

Xenia.

I knew from an early age that I wanted to be on the stage, I knew that it was up to me to work hard and overcome my disabilities.
I agree with you that being able to communicate well is so important in many aspects of life, not only work.
I don't think there is any excuse not to try to overcome barriers and if you are able to begin with, there is no excuse for being lazy.

HabbaDabbaDoo · 11/06/2013 22:43

There are a few threads about reading levels that are active at the mo. I had absolutely no idea what reading levels my DCs were. They came home with books. Making sure that they read them was the extent of my involvement. I can't say that I paid much attention to bands or colours or what they meant.

I'm mentioning that because I'm supposed to be 'pushy' while these moms are being 'supportive. Confused

morethanpotatoprints · 12/06/2013 11:31

Habba

I think that sometimes it is better not to know, but to support when necessary. I knew from the books what colour they were presently reading and also what order the colours were, but that was about all. I know what you mean, I have been called pushy too, but if you know you aren't and are happy, what does it matter? Smile

HabbaDabbaDoo · 12/06/2013 13:10

It doesnt matter to me, morethan. My kids are well adjusted and doing well in life and at school so I'm not trying to justify myself or seek validation.

I was merely having a laugh at the 'non-pushy' moms who obsess over what level books their DCs are on.

morethanpotatoprints · 12/06/2013 14:36

Habba

Grin. Its amazing how pushy these non pushy moms can be. I know a couple who are like this, would never consider themselves pushy, but think I am because my dd happens to really enjoy her extra curricular activities.

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