To be really effing pissed off with my husband

[indecisioniskillingme]

DH and I have had a rocky year or so. The past few weeks we have been living apart 'sharing' ds 60/40ish.

It has been me initiating the separation and DH has consistently said he wants to try (but not really done anything except work on 'his' life - more time at the gym, more nights out etc - this is fine with me as part of the issue was that he had no life of his own.)

I moved back to the marital home yesterday. DH said he was really pleased. He was going out with friends last night so i knew i wouldnt see him and we had agreed we would be in separate rooms.

Ds (3yrs) came into my room this morning and had a chat and then asked where daddy was - I said he was in the other room and ds' face lit up and he went running into see his dad. He came back a minute later saying "daddy told me to go away because he had a late night". He looked absolutely gutted.

My heart broke a little for him. He hasn't seen his dad properly since Tuesday.

I am also pretty pissed off that he hasn't bothered to get up yet and say hello since I've moved back home because he wants to try.

I know it's still early but he wasn't drinking so won't be hungover and the last train gets home at midnight...

AIBU?

Sorry it's turned out this way, but all the very best for your future. You sound very strong & level headed & I'm sure you'll both do the right thing by your gorgeous DS. Good luck.

Thanks onedev - everything is just making me cry today

I'm so sorry, but it will be ok in the long run & you deserve to be happy & this will ultimately give you that chance. It's obviously going to be v hard for the next while, but you will get there. Good luck.

I'm so sorry for this sadness but at least you are being set free to have a much better and fulfilled life. You can enjoy life to the full and show your DS how happy a person can be. It doesnt sound like your DH is right for you so at least you can stop trying to make it work now.

You (and your DS) deserve someone who really loves you and cares for you.
Good luck with the next period. It will be hard but with RL support & MN you will get through it.
Now go get a lawyer to make sure you get the legals right.

Thanks trying... I have an Appointment today. h is feeling incredibly guilty so is being more helpful with finances than I'd imagined. Just want ds and I to stay in our home so at the moment that is my main focus.

I liked what you said in yourpost and I think it's true. Thanks

indecision sorry I posted and ran on Saturday. I did actually write another post but it obviously didn't 'send' properly. Then I went away for the weekend and only got back last night. I was thinking about you though and wondering how your weekend had gone...

I think it's for the best. It will be hard at times and yes, you will sometimes feel guilty about your DS not having his parents living together but I can guarantee he will actually be better off like this. Children who grow up in unhappy homes are far worse off than children who grow up with separated parents. Of course it would have been wonderful if you and DH had been very happy and remained together - but you have to deal with 'what is' not 'what I'd ideally like' as do many, many other people.

You deserve to be happy too :)

Let H feel guilty, let him be helpful/generous with the finances - because I can pretty much guarantee he's going to be sod all help practically (with DS) if what you posted here is typical of his attitude.

Tell him that a month to sort out somewhere to stay isn't practical. Surely he can stay with a friend or something until he finds a place of his own?!

Also, please don't be too hurt/surprised when he has a 'new' girlfriend very quickly - I have a feeling there is already someone else on the scene :(

Just to reiterate - YWNBU in wanting him to do things that made you feel he cared about you. He never even met you half way when you told him what you needed. He's a selfish git. As for how he reacted on the due date after your miscarriage - that probably would have been the beginning of the end for me - wanker.

I hope your appointment goes well today.

Thanks chipping - ive sat there so many times and though "do I expect too much" but TBH what happened on my due date was a MASSIVE deal to me.

I wondered if there was someone else too as he's very happy about everything... But he always leaves his phone out and until v.recently never went anywhere so I doubt it... But I'd not be hugely surprised to be proven wrong....!

In the meantime I will cohabit with DS very happily :)

I just wanted to say that you shouldn't have had to remind him about your baby's due date in the first place. He should have known that. And you shouldn't have to point out to him that you will need him on that day. As for his behaviour on the actual day - that would have signalled the end for me.

I think it is good news that you moved home yesterday - so much better for you to be in the family house and for him to move out. He sounds really cold and I think that you will be much happier in the long run, without him. It's very telling that you are not gutted for yourself, but only for ds. You've already made the break emotionally, you just need to get him out of the house now.