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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect H to eat his evening meal while its still hot?

67 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 21:13

This evening, as an example, i had cooked for him pork chop, new potatos, carrots and green beans. He was on the phone to his mum. I had salad as didn't get chance to eat it for lunch at work today so cooked specifucally for him. Went through from kitchen with my meal. Ate it. Took plate to kitchen. Came back. Still on phone to his mum. 10mins later got off phone. Started looking on internet. Couple more minutes 'is my dinner ready dear' yes it is. 5 more minutes and i tell him it will be cold. Eventually he goes and gets his meal and eats it cold. This happens ALOT. Quite often i will be in the kitchen cooking, he will stand and talk at me about what a crap day at works hes had (another story) i will say 'dinner at 7.45.....dinner in 10 mins.....5 mins....i'm dishing up. At which stage he goes upstairs and spends 10 mins getting changed and having a wash. By which time i've eaten alone. Is it me?? In my family as a child, when dinner was ready yiu bloody well went and ate it, immediately! Its rude to do itherwise. However i know my mum thinks a lot of things are rude that other people don't.

OP posts:

PollyPlummer · 07/06/2013 21:14

Why didn't he heat it up in the microwave ?

PollyPlummer · 07/06/2013 21:15

Or cook his own dinner ?

FourEyesGood · 07/06/2013 21:17

Tell him he's being rude, and stop cooking for him.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 07/06/2013 21:17

It is really rude. If I have spent time and effort cooking something for someone, and they want to eat it, then I expect them to come and eat it when it is ready, and to eat it with me.

I take it you eat the food when it is ready to serve when he cooks for you?

I wouldn't bother cooking for someone who so clearly couldn't give a crap about the effort I'd made.

HollyBerryBush · 07/06/2013 21:18

He likes cold dinner, he ate it. NP

Triumphoveradversity · 07/06/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/06/2013 21:19

Why are you cooking for him? Does he have the use of his arms?

parakeet · 07/06/2013 21:20

Well, have you told him how you feel?

I have had similar experiences with my husband (except he faffs around getting drinks of water and going to the toilet). If I cook for the two of us, I like us to sit down to eat at the same time (otherwise I feel like the maid).

So I told him how I feel. On occasion, I have made a bit of a point, by sitting there motionless and pointing out to him that both our dinners are going cold. Things have improved. But you have to communicate.

On the other hand, if you're not even eating together, why do you give a toss? In that circumstance, you are sounding like his mum.

SugarandSpice126 · 07/06/2013 21:21

The problem is that you'd kindly cooked for him, and he didn't have the decency to come as soon as you said it was ready. If it were a one off it might be ok, but all the time?! It's so dissrespectful. I'd put a timer on for three minutes and throw it away if he didn't get to the table by the time I rang...grr

BadgersRetreat · 07/06/2013 21:22

that would really wind me up OP...

ouryve · 07/06/2013 21:23

On one hand, he ate it, without complaint.

On the other hand, you are not his mother. Stop playing the stepford wife and let him prepare his own meals if he thinks he has more important things to do than eat when you tell him to.

VinegarDrinker · 07/06/2013 21:25

Do you always cook? If so, why?

I wouldn't be too fussed tbh, it's his loss. But then I wouldn't have been cooking for my DH if I already had something ready for me, he'd be sorting his own dinner.

VinegarDrinker · 07/06/2013 21:26

And I can't imagine being married to anyone who would ask "is my dinner ready" tbh.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 21:29

Ok so sounds like i am not being totally unreasonable. He doesn't really cook. He will do pie and chips, ready made lasagne and chips etc for himself when i am not there. This is an improvement. Neither of us get home til 7pm and i just cook. I like cooking, and prefer to just get on with it (rather than watch him faff....) yes i know i should be teaching him or telling him to cook. So the cooking i don't mind but i cook differently for both os us than i would just for me. I expect us to eat together.

And actually no, i haven't said a lot to him which i know i should. Just the 'your dinner was ready ten mins ago.....'

OP posts:

mrsjay · 07/06/2013 21:29

he is being rude and disrespectful either dont make his dinner or cook it and bung it in the microwave

NumTumDeDum · 07/06/2013 21:30

Yanbu. Dp does this. He'll have been faffing about whilst I'm cooking. I'll be just plating up when he suddenly realises the condiments he wants aren't on the table, or he wants a cup of tea or anything. So I'll be half way through mine before he's even sat down. I like my food hot. There is no waiting. If his is cold that's his problem. What he also does which actually gives me the rage sometimes, is add chilli sauce. To everything. Before he's even tasted it. Possibly this is a reflection on my cooking. Just do me the courtesy of tasting it before completely obliterating the flavour ok.

WestmorlandSausage · 07/06/2013 21:30

why the actual fuckery are you cooking his tea if you are not eating the same meal and he isn't prepared to be ridiculously grateful for you doing so? Thats what mums do for 13 year old boys or waitresses do for paying customers,

Stop cooking for him for a week. Point him to the fridge, say ' i've had mine thanks but feel free to make yourself something' and let him get on with it.

Alternatively make him cook/order takeaway and then do the same back to him (have a sandwich stashed somewhere if necessary)

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 21:32

Badgersretreat it does really wind me up. To the point where i haven't said a lot to him because at the time i would prob lose it a bit!! He doesn't normally ask if his dinner is ready - that i think was because i was clearly eating my packed lunch. However i do time it so our meals are ready together even if we have different meals.

OP posts:

lljkk · 07/06/2013 21:32

quiet yabu.

I can't eat unless I'm relaxed and unwound. He sounds very wound up rom his day & it took him a while to get to the point that he could enjoy his food.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 21:36

So those of you that have partners/husbands that cook....how did that happen? My H lived with his mum til verrrry late in life. Oh god theres no hope is there?

OP posts:

WestmorlandSausage · 07/06/2013 21:41

DH couldn't bear that I was better at him than something

also (boast alert) i'm a pretty good cook and as a result DH got a taste for good restaurant style food. I refused to cook every night and he couldn't bring himself to serve up beans on toast to me and so he got good quickly.

Mind you, he is still fairly limited to red meat dishes and and fish with sauce. You can't win it all.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/06/2013 21:42

My FIL and step-FIL both do a lot of the cooking, DH grew up not feeling that cooking was an exclusively female task.

Of course there is hope. Stop being such a doormat and tell him to take his turn in the kitchen. If you both work full time then he should be doing 50%.
Does he do the clearing up?

perplexedpirate · 07/06/2013 21:42

This is quite odd, but I don't really like hot food. I like food that was hot, and is now cold and I like cold hot drinks iyswim.
If he doesn't mind it cold, you shouldn't mind, although I imagine it would nice to sit down together to eat, meal temperature notwithstanding.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 07/06/2013 21:44

I can't even imagine having a partner who didn't share the cooking. It's totally beyond my comprehension.

One thing I know for sure is that he won't learn to cook if you keep cooking for him. And not everyone can win Masterchef, but cooking a decent nutritious meal is not that hard.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 21:47

He does pretty much feck all tbh. He does the car fixing. We are working on this (and this is going to sound soooooo pathetic) but he can now work the washing machine, hang washing out, fold dry washing. Make his own packed lunch (occasionalky). And put something in the oven for himself. He is quite finicky so washing up together just pisses me off - its quicker to do it myself.

I really do need to start being less of a door mat. And in general, i'm really not. Or at least you wouldn't expect me to be.

OP posts:

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