to expect H to eat his evening meal while its still hot?

[Sparrowlegs248]

This evening, as an example, i had cooked for him pork chop, new potatos, carrots and green beans. He was on the phone to his mum. I had salad as didn't get chance to eat it for lunch at work today so cooked specifucally for him. Went through from kitchen with my meal. Ate it. Took plate to kitchen. Came back. Still on phone to his mum. 10mins later got off phone. Started looking on internet. Couple more minutes 'is my dinner ready dear' yes it is. 5 more minutes and i tell him it will be cold. Eventually he goes and gets his meal and eats it cold. This happens ALOT. Quite often i will be in the kitchen cooking, he will stand and talk at me about what a crap day at works hes had (another story) i will say 'dinner at 7.45.....dinner in 10 mins.....5 mins....i'm dishing up. At which stage he goes upstairs and spends 10 mins getting changed and having a wash. By which time i've eaten alone. Is it me?? In my family as a child, when dinner was ready yiu bloody well went and ate it, immediately! Its rude to do itherwise. However i know my mum thinks a lot of things are rude that other people don't.

Why are you 'crap at saying stuff to him' OP? Why do you seethe, instead of talking?

I'm afraid I'm in the 'run for the hills' camp. Please don't have children with a man you find it difficult to talk to. It's a recipe for disaster, really. The cooking is a red herring.

I don't like burning hot food. I was always warned to let it cool down as a child and the habit has stuck. I don't let meals get cold and congealed but don't really see the point of everything having to be really hot. I'm just grateful to have food. If it annoys you it is possibly more a relationship issue than a mealtime one.

I think its completely inherited from my mum. Oh god i'm turning into her. Wow. Mumsnet brings about all sorts of revelations! Its nothing he has done or said that makes it difficult. Partly me thinking 'well surely he knows' or for example with housework - he said 'why didn't you telk/ask me to do that?' well no-one bloody tells me what needs doing!

And also i remember always getting annoyed with mother for seething to herself, making it known she was displeased without saying anything direct. And here i am.......

My husband is late for every single meal I make. I do all the cooking. I liaise with him to agree a time he would like to eat, as he gets in at different times every night & doesn't like to eat as soon as he's through the door, preferring to mess about on the computer or with the car or something. I aim for the agreed time. I give him a time check at 30mins & again at 10mins, 5mins & as I'm plating up. This is the point at which he disappears into the toilet for at least 5 & often 15 minutes. Teenage son is learning the same bad habits, but with him it's the bloody play station rather than the computer & the loo. It drives me berserk. I don't mind doing all the cooking - I like cooking - but if I've made an effort I want to eat it at its best. I serve the food & start eating it these days, as I'm sick of kept-warm good home-cooked food deteriorating while he / they faff about.

So change the habit.

As I said, dont expect him to know but do assume that he will do his share. Make it explicit that the current arrangement has got to change. We learn our behaviour from our parents, that also means learning what NOT to do!

erm- do you care that his food is cold or that he ignores you?

cold food - meh, I like cold pizza, cold soup and even cold tea & coffee! I know, I know it's shocking!

ignoring you - he'd better get a fucking grip!

I care that i have bothered to cook a good proper meal and end up eating alone while he fucks about upstairs/on the phone. If i had microwaved something i would care a lot lot less. I don't care that his food is cold but that the decent meal i have cooked will not taste great colld.

Thankyou bogey you talk a lot of sense.

ok, so it is the fact that he ignores you and you effort (love, care) that upsets you, which is totally understandable, so on that basis YADNBU!

What's wrong with not having joint finances, bogeyface?

For goodness sake, he sounds completely unfussed about an "evening meal" so if you aren't actually going to eat together, why on earth do you bother?

The two of you can help yourselves to what you want on weeknights. Cooked meals sat together can be had on the weekend.

Stop making the effort if it isn't appreciated!

Whats wrong with not having joint finances?

Go onto Relationships and ask that question, read some of the threads about women who are selling their possessions in order to feed their kids while their husband squirrels away £££££

Stop infantilising him.

He's an adult and you're not his mum.

I have the same with my DH, now I just don't bother, he has choice, food hot at table or not at all grrrrrrrrrrrr

I would be tempted to put the meal in the bin, if he didn't come when given ample warning & called. (Or hide it in a cupboard & freeze it for another night !)
V disrespectful of him

I call my husband to the table about ten minutes before plating up.

Looooong experience.

My hair is greying at a slower rate now.

See I am the husband in this situation: I go out to work & DH is a WAHD who cooks. He cooked even when he worked FT because we both agreed he would never cook unless it was a rigid daily habit (he is creature of habit). I do lots of other household chores.

Neither of us was taught much about cooking by our parents, either.

Often when I get in I just cannot eat right away. For all kinds of reasons. Don't expect me to eat when not ready, it's a form of torture. I usually sit down with a glass of water at the table instead, though.

OP why don't you and your DH take it in turns to cook, that would be fair wouldn't it?