Rather was the boy's mother to allow him to play at our house without checking on him for 5 hours...

[cfc]

This lovely boy (7) passed by my gate at about 10am on Monday and my little boy (4) invited him in. The other boy, let's call him Sam, said ask your mummy so my fella did and I said of course he can come to play, but I told Sam to let his mum know where he was.

He wasn't in school because he had an eye appointment later in the afternoon.

So they played so well together all day. We fed him here and he was such lovely company for our little one. We face painted and played in costumes and he was honeslty just so nice and polite. He loved the baby too - he's a gentle little soul and we like having him round.

Anyway, my point is that his mother didn't come to check on him the whole time he was here. I sent him to his mum's to ask if she had made lunch for him otherwise we'd feed him. He said she hadn't so we fed him. We also went on a walk to the shop for icecream (it was so hot) and again I told him to ask his mum if he could come with us.

It isn't normal surely for a mum to a) not check on him, b) not check us out and c) not ensure he wasn't being a nuisance.

I spoke to my own mum and she reminded me of my little sister's friend who was always around ours. It turned out that her mum smoked weed a lot and was just happy to have her daughter out of her hair for a hew hours. Sam told me his mum was pregnant and it might be twins (along with a whole host of other personal info about the family!!).

Also, it was his 10 year old sister who called him home to his appointment (which was at 3.30 - he should have surely gone to school?!).

My mum (grouch) also warned me that this could become a regular thing and to watch out as he'll be round here the whole time. He actually has been here Tue and Wed eve but is lovely so I don't actually mind. The child isn't the problem, I'm thinking that his mother's nonchalance is unreasonable.

What do you think?

Ps - I would have gone round to her house, but I have 3 children and don't want to schlep around there with them in tow.

Now I just have an April jones type situation in mind, as a parent you have to be careful and know who your child is with. You cannot trust children 100% to keep themselves safe, especially at 7 still quite young and probably in infant school [yr2]. Tey are vulnerable and as I said its not all as rosy as it was back in the day

I think some other posters and possibly you are being unreasonable.

Theres a 7 year old from round the corner, she comes to ours very often for hours on end, DD goes there for hours, I haven't met her parents and they have no idea who I am. I just know she is at number x and she pops back every now and again for something or other but generally has a great time. We live in London

This boy went home 3 times, and it was known where he was because the sister came to get him, can't see the problem.

You may be ok with that Tig but I and many others would not. What if your child said she is going to X house, You haven't seen her in a while, up you go over to X house and X parents have said well she absent been here today, what do you do! You now don't know where your child is!

Yes thats why I started with 'I think', it suits us. Obviously not everybody has the same opinion, isn't that stating the obvious?

So you never allow your child to go and play at another child's house?

Unless you are with the child or are constantly checking all the time you don't know for definite where they are.

Its not difficult to teach basic concepts, such as you must come and tell me if you are going somewhere else, which is what happens and also what the boy in the OP was doing. DD knows that if I believe her to be at x, if she leaves and goes anywhere other than home or plays in the street between our homes she must come and tell me first.

DD is the last of 7 children I've raised, I've never had an issue with this set-up, some of my DC have even made it to adulthood

You said "its not all rosy as it was back in the day", back in what day? Its not like attacks on children are something new, such a ridiculous comment.

Yes I do Tig, but I meet the parents first, and also ask if it's ok for them to come round as it might not be convenient.

30/40 years ago, yes there were attacks but times have changed now. Yes believe it or not I would want to know who they are with and where they are especially if te are younger, why would you not?

Once I have met the parents and exchanged numbers I would give them a call to say is it ok for dd to come over to play if it is I would send her over or in my case go with her (dd has sn dev delay)

What are you talking about? Times have changed? In regards to this issue specifically how have times changed?

Haven't you seen the news I. The past few years?

I watch and read the news nearly every day whats your point?

What is it I should have apparently seen thats relevant to this?

What specifically has changed over the past few decades in regards to attacks on children that I have failed to notice?

Look is there anything wrong with wanting to know who my children are with and where they are?

I can't imagine being OK about not knowing where my child was or who they were with.

Obviously when yptey get older it changes with maturity, but when dd 6 goes to play at someone's house i will make it my business to know who she is with and where she is. Incidently I was in a park and 2 little girls of 6 came to talk to my (had dd and ds with me). I did not ask them any questions, but they came up to talk to me and divulged a lot of personal information. When I asked where their arents were, they told me they were with their brothers who were 10/11. When I looked tey were far away playing football not really aware what the girls were up,to. I could have been anyone!

No, but I've not said that there is. I have clearly expressed that it suits our family and these are the steps that we take, at no point have I said or even implied you should be doing the same. You however don't seem to be able to cope with the concept that some parents choose to do things differently and aren't wrong for this, they're just different, being different is not a challenge to your parenting its just doing what suits their family.

You've chosen to address my post individually rather than simply stating your point of view, why you've specifically picked on me when there are quite a few other posters who have said its the norm for them or in their area, I don't know.

You've then tried to substantiate your opinion by repeatedly making the claim that in regards to this topic its different than it was 30 or 40 years ago, its not like back in the day, apparently. A point you've still failed to explain. Its clearly nonsensical and most importantly incorrect.

I would have gone round to his house to make sure it was all OK with his mum and not relied on his word tbh. Then I would have told him it was time for home when I was ready for him to go. It wouldn't have worried me that the mum didn't come round. A bit odd not to check where he was but it wouldn't have worried me

That's right MNB tats why I would have gone round to ask mum first, there is nothing wrong with that, better be onthe safe side. The mum in the op might not have had a clue, he might not have even asked her, Chidren can't be relied upon heavily.

Hi ladies, I thought I'd update you. We had the little boy, Sam, around again tonight for a play. Only a short one as it was time for our supper. I asked him how his mother was and he said "the baby died, but I don't care" and shrugs his shoulders. I said how sad that was and asked about her again and he said "she's fine, she didn't go to the hospital or anything".

Sad.

As he didn't stay for too long and I was making food I didn't send him back with our number but I daresay we'll see him this weekend and I'll get a chance to go back to his with him or send my number if hubby out and about.

I think I would make a point of going round and asking If the mum needs anything seeing as she has two ? Children and apparently just had a miscarriage...

The only 2 things that have changed 'these days' are the number of cars on the road and the media reporting of incidents - that is all.

Cfc don't you think you should go round there and introduce yourself, and see if there is anything she wants? Strange you hav not already, considering you are looking after the boy of a woman you hav never met! For all you know he might be telling fanciful tales who knows!

Yes, as I said in my last post if we see him this weekend I'll head around there and introduce myself.

I don't consider myself as looking after him. He plays in our garden with my children.

Ds is 7 and plays at his friends house quite a lot. If he came and told me he had found a new wee pal I would be ok with it. I'd expect him home for meals though as I wouldn't want someone I'd never met to have to feed him, I'd also pop round at some stage to say hello.

Bottom line is if your ds is having fun with him and he seems like a nice boy then enjoy the increased spare time and don't worry about it.

Hang on - if this wasn't Monday when lots of schools had an inset day, this child should have been in school. Appointment at 3.30 is no excuse for missing a whole day. This combined with his mum's apparent reluctance to know where her kid was, plus dubious stories about pregnancy, add up to a safeguarding issue. Personally I would raise it with his school, you can do so in confidence - if it was definitely a school day when he played at your house. If his sister was also around to call for him at 3 then she wasn't in school either - points to an inset hopefully but worth checking as IMO it's not normal for a parent to just let their kid be out for the whole day like this, then at yours again on tues weds and Fri evenings.

But whilst he is playing at your house he is still in your care. It is good tat you will introduce yourself, you should. For all his moter knows he cou be telling her something else. If she has lst a baby, she might want someone to fetch her something or offer tomchave tea/coffee