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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rather was the boy's mother to allow him to play at our house without checking on him for 5 hours...

77 replies

cfc · 06/06/2013 06:31

This lovely boy (7) passed by my gate at about 10am on Monday and my little boy (4) invited him in. The other boy, let's call him Sam, said ask your mummy so my fella did and I said of course he can come to play, but I told Sam to let his mum know where he was.

He wasn't in school because he had an eye appointment later in the afternoon.

So they played so well together all day. We fed him here and he was such lovely company for our little one. We face painted and played in costumes and he was honeslty just so nice and polite. He loved the baby too - he's a gentle little soul and we like having him round.

Anyway, my point is that his mother didn't come to check on him the whole time he was here. I sent him to his mum's to ask if she had made lunch for him otherwise we'd feed him. He said she hadn't so we fed him. We also went on a walk to the shop for icecream (it was so hot) and again I told him to ask his mum if he could come with us.

It isn't normal surely for a mum to a) not check on him, b) not check us out and c) not ensure he wasn't being a nuisance.

I spoke to my own mum and she reminded me of my little sister's friend who was always around ours. It turned out that her mum smoked weed a lot and was just happy to have her daughter out of her hair for a hew hours. Sam told me his mum was pregnant and it might be twins (along with a whole host of other personal info about the family!!).

Also, it was his 10 year old sister who called him home to his appointment (which was at 3.30 - he should have surely gone to school?!).

My mum (grouch) also warned me that this could become a regular thing and to watch out as he'll be round here the whole time. He actually has been here Tue and Wed eve but is lovely so I don't actually mind. The child isn't the problem, I'm thinking that his mother's nonchalance is unreasonable.

What do you think?

Ps - I would have gone round to her house, but I have 3 children and don't want to schlep around there with them in tow.

OP posts:
CreatureRetorts · 06/06/2013 06:35

YANBU

I'd get the mums number so you can ring up and remind her the kid is his check with her.

CreatureRetorts · 06/06/2013 06:36

YANBU

I'd get the mums number so you can ring up and remind her the kid is hers check with her.

CabbageLeaves · 06/06/2013 06:41

She obviously felt happy with the situation. You seemed friendly, responsible and her son was happy. You were happy as well...child was a lovely little boy So the problem lies with your opinion of her parenting, yes?

She's pregnant possibly with twins....cut her some slack :)

5 hours with frequent visits from her son to keep her up to date and I suspect she was taking the chance to rest. She possibly feels poorly and knacked.

cfc · 06/06/2013 06:46

God no, I don't begrudge her some time off - her little fella was keeping my boy entertained! Win/win. But even during my last pregnancy (I had HG) I'd have ensured all was ok.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 06/06/2013 06:46

You sent to ask if it was ok for him to come in, you sent to ask if it was ok for him to stay for lunch, you sent to ask if he could come for a walk with you. There was not a 5 hour period that she did not know where he was. You kept asking if you could keep him. Not sure of the relevance of the weed smoking mum of your childhood.
I would have come round yours within an hour of first contact myself though.

claraschu · 06/06/2013 06:54

I would have talked to you to make sure everything was ok and he wasn't in the way, and I would have thanked you profusely at the end. If I had let him stay home from school, I would have been doing something VERY special with him myself.

I have had several neighbours whose kids who were always doing this sort of thing, and the parents don't thank me or acknowledge what I do, but I always like the kids!

cfc · 06/06/2013 06:55

I suppose we were asking to keep him!

I would have to check out where he was though.

The relevence of my sister's friend's situation is that my mother brought it up as a similar situation to mine other day. This girl's mum took the mickey and my mum was just telling me to watch out - although the reason her mum was taking the mick was because she was stoned! So different to this case obviously.

I've never met this boy's mum.

OP posts:
BeauNidle · 06/06/2013 06:58

If I were his mum I would certainly have come round to meet you and check things were ok in person. You could have been anyone! Not that you are of course, but you know what I mean. Very foolish of her as she is more or less saying he can go into anyone's houses for hours on end.

twooter · 06/06/2013 07:13

Are you sure he did actually tell her any of this? Was he definitely not supposed to e at school?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/06/2013 07:17

Yes, what twooter says.

cfc · 06/06/2013 07:38

I'm fairly certain he was telling the truth about his appointment and wasn't meant to be in school.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:43

Yanbu pregnant or not, the boy is still only 7 so she should be aware of where he is and who he is with. I would go round an have a chat with the mum, see who she is

usualsuspect · 06/06/2013 07:45

He went home 3 times.

yabu

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:47

Usual he spent 5 hours at op house she could have been anyone, as a parent it's up to her to be aware of where he is and who he is with

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:49

I supposed you could have gone round there with him to meet her and check all is ok

usualsuspect · 06/06/2013 07:49

She knew where he was.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/06/2013 07:50

But OP you never met his mum. I have to say that I'd never invite in an unknown seven year old wandering alone past my gate on a school day.

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:52

Did she? Op dident say anything about that. Still I most certainly would have gone round to op and met her, and say thank you, even though op was happy to have this boy. From what I gather op has never met this lady.

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:53

I guess op should have asked the boyto show her where he lived and te te mum and ask whether it's ok to have the boy round

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 07:56

Teir a lot of assumptions from the mum of where her son is (not bothering to, check where her ds is, assuming he is with someone ok), she should have gone round to check. Think April Jones t can still happen

Nerfmother · 06/06/2013 07:57

Had you never met him before? Really odd to invite some random kid in, three years older than yours, on a school day. Think the odd situation starts there tbh!

Lweji · 06/06/2013 07:58

The boy was on the street by himself, so the mother clearly trusts him doesn't care where he is

Did you give her your phone number to ring?

pigletmania · 06/06/2013 08:00

Op should have as soon as he came take him back to his home to meet mum first. If he had an appointment at 3.30 he should have been at school

MulberryJane · 06/06/2013 08:01

YANBU, he's 7 and his mum had never met you. It doesn't sound like he lives far away so surely his mum could have popped back with him? Or if she was exhausted etc, how about sending a note with her mobile number so that you could text/ring each other? She could have also said she was feeling unwell etc, you looked after her little boy all day so she should acknowledge that even if it's after the event. I'd be suspicious of something more due to the fact he was off school for an after school appointment and that it was his sister who called him back rather than his mum. Just keep an eye on the situation and maybe go round to their house to introduce yourself if there is no contact from his mum, it probably is because she's knackered with her head down the toilet.

musicposy · 06/06/2013 08:02

I'm wondering if it was an inset day Monday and the appointment was incidental. That seems to make the most sense to me and a 7 year old wouldn't necessarily get this right.
It sounds ok to me - you asked 3 times if it was okay for him to stay. I'd have said thank you had I been the mum, but he is older than yours and these things do tend to get a bit more casual as they grow older. We have a 10 year old constantly round our house -DD2 has been there too, they live opposite. I've never met the parents.

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