To make an excuse and not go?

[NoobyNoob]

It's my best friends birthday on Friday and she's invited me out for a meal. I really, really don't want to go.

There's been a lot which has happened with us in the past month. She has been having an affair for a year with a married man and is now pregnant with his child. Said man and wife (who we also know) are currently having IVF because she can't conceive.

Meanwhile - she's still really good friends with said man's aunty and regularly meet up for coffee. No-one knows that this baby is his apart from me and I wish I didn't.

So I can see what will happen on Friday - all the guests will coo at the fact she is expecting...I'll be sitting there seething because I know the truth whilst she laps up the attention and pretends nothing is wrong.

I can't look at her in the face, I don't want to see her and I don't wanna know.

We met up last Saturday and it was like I was listening to a strange talk. I feel so sad that she could do something this destructive, I looked up to her she was my little best friend :(

So, IABU to make my excuses and not attend on Friday?

What an awful situation for you to be in OP. If I was this man's wife, I would want to know.

God that is horrible. Poor wife, how awful for her. I hope she does find out ASAP.

Don't go then give her a wide berth, the wife when she finds out (which she will) will be quite rightly devastated and they'll be more drama to come so I'd bow out now.

Thanks for your replies and advice. I've decided to cut ties with my friend - it's funny because once I realised that that was what I wanted to do I felt relieved but also had a few tears- there's lots of other things she does which are slightly manipulating and selfish but that's a different thread!

DH has been wonderful supporting me which has really helped.

Said man and woman are on holiday at the moment, so when she comes back I'll have a think about how to tell her the most devastating news in her world imaginable.
x

WHAT!! I wouldn't tell her if you paid me a million dollars.

How old is the wife?

Maybe rather than approaching the wife, send an anonymous note to the husband/father/scumbag saying if he won't tell his wife then you will... tell him to man up and face the consequences of his actions, tell him to not make another mistake by doing IVF with his wife when he isn't what she thinks he is.

When the baby is born this is going to blow up in his face - she will be feeling hormonal, vulnerable and protective of her newborn, she will be wanting him to acknowledge this wonderful baby, pay for it, care for it etc. He is going to want to step away quickly and she will (rightfully) get royally pissed off and tell someone/everyone who the real father is.

Your friend may well work out it's you that sent the note, but if you were this woman, pumped full of hormones, injected, operated on, in an emotional roller coaster that is IVF (not to mention the cost) and then found out your husband was a cheating liar, how devestated would you feel (regardless of IVF outcome - a pregnancy might be seen as a huge mistake, a failure a celebration that you won't be tied to this cheater for life).

You cant tell the wife
They'll all shoot the messenger you know!

Really disagree with any posters saying that the friend will 'need her' and she has 'made bad choices' so OP should stick by her... No. Casually sipping drinks with the woman whose husband she's been boning is not making bad choices, it's pure evil.

Cut her out, it will hurt a bit at first but in a few years' time you will be so glad you did it. Do it for the poor cuckolded wife if nothing else!

I agree with Jenny70 that a confession should be forced from the bastard husband. If the wife hears it from you directly she'll feel humiliated and may react badly - If she reads it in an anonymous note she may believe it to just be vindictive.