AIBU?
If you invite someone out for a celebration dinner and their response is 'well I don't really like that sort of food,' (Indian) that's pretty rude isn't it?
INeedThatForkOff · 03/06/2013 09:29
My extended family, who I've always had a lot to do with, have been really arsey with me lately. It began with an incident in which one aunt's dog nearly but my cousin's 2yo DD in the face at a party, so that before the next one I asked her if it would be shut away. It grudgingly was, but someone else brought a dog, and a different aunt, also a dog lover, made a point of sitting on the floor with cousin's 5mo DS and allowing said dog right up to his face, at which point the baby was taken off her. The latter aunt has refused to put her own dogs out of the way when our children visit, though I've only found this out through gossip, so I no longer go there (the dogs get aggressive with each other over food, and she insists on giving the DCs bags of crap sweets and crisps around them). My great grandmother is another dog lover, has also refused the request but backed down when I declined to go and visit, and basically there's a lot of ill feeling simmering away.
If you're still reading, I'll get to the point! We have decided to have DS Christened at a messy church session, as that's the way we practice. It's late Friday afternoon, which has caused the first aunt to moan because she won't be able to get time off work (I realise we can't expect this, and don't have a problem with it), but she has instead booked a holiday abroad 
and yet continues to comment.
A different aunt has got the arse because while we had originally booked a gathering at a local pub afterwards, they've cancelled on us and I now can't get anything affordable and don't have the time and space to cater it myself. We have decided to explain that everyone who wants to come is still welcome to the service, but we're just taking immediate family out for dinner afterwards. Offensive, apparently.
I then invited my great grandmother for the meal, to which her immediate response was 'well I don't really like Indian. And I'm not immediate family anyway.' They have clearly decided between them that I'm somehow not doing things right.
WIBU to just retract all invitations and keep it to immediate family and friends?
PS -the dog story seems a bit irrelevant but there's just been an atmosphere since then.
trackies · 03/06/2013 09:38
i'm not keen on dog around kids either. My DH used to own dogs and he said it doesn't matter how chilled out or well trained they are, they are animals at the end of the day and their instinct is to see everything as food or attack things that are smaller than them. So he (even being a dog lover) has said no dogs round our kids when they are small. One bite and they could be scarred for life.
Anyway, i think you're absolutely ok to book your christening when and in the manner as you see fit. At the end of the day if the time deosn't suit them or they don't like the food they should simply decline. If some of these relatives are being unreasonable and dont want to come, then ignore them. If you retract the invites now, it's going to make you look like the bad guy and i don't think you are.
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 03/06/2013 09:38
I think just go ahead with your plans and anyone who says they're not coming, just reply "fair enough, I'll cross you off the list" in the best 'don't give a shit' voice you can do.
If you actively uninvite, that's another thing for them to be arsy with you about.
Which doesn't matter if you're not bothered about having any relationship with them, but would make things awkward if you're planning on continuing to subject you and your family to the delights of their company 
fluckered · 03/06/2013 09:39
not sure what the back story has to do with your question but if i was invited (ie meal was being paid for me) would smile and say thanks. if i was expected to pay would still smile and say thanks but would be pissed off that the cuisine was so specific and wasnt much choice on hand for anyone not liking indian. are children invited?
Weegiemum · 03/06/2013 09:43
I don't really know what to do about the food, but I'd just like to say having a christening at Messy Church sounds fabulous! We're baptists (hence no infant baptism) but the idea of doing that where/when you "do" church is spot on. I wonder if its that making them uncomfortable?
Most Indian restaurants will serve a limited amount of "western" food as well.
OrangeFireandGoldashes · 03/06/2013 09:46
In general I'd say your celebration, your rules, but I know more people who don't like / think they can't eat Indian food than any other of the mainstream cuisines, because of the spices/chilli, so I think you'll have to expect a certain amount of comment over that.
Fuckwittery · 03/06/2013 09:46
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 03/06/2013 09:46
I really don't think it's about the food.
If it was, well, let's be honest, most indian restaurants serve a limited menu of chips and chicken etc. And I am sure if it purely was just about the food, the OP would have no problem at all just saying ok, let's go to a harvester or something.
I really think that it's more about the ongoing tensions, particularly with the "I'm not immediate family anyway" comment.
JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 03/06/2013 09:46
For something like a christening if I wasn't able to cater at home with a buffet type thing, I'd keep it really simple and go to a pub that does fairly standard food or a roast/carvery. Pretty much everyone will find something to eat, including vegetarians.
Does seem odd that the pub cancelled on you (for what reason?) and that you can't find another pub nearby that has space on a Friday, even if it was this coming Friday.
greenbananas · 03/06/2013 09:54
Yes, the Messy Church bit sound fantastic 
I do think having only Indian food is a bit of a shame - I love it and expect you do too, but lots of people, especially older people can't manage even the smell. I appreciate that you are a bit stuck for venues, but even a Poppins-style cafe would probably be more appropriate than Indian food for your sort of gathering. How big is your house? - could you just do a quiche-and-sandwiches sort of buffet and have everyone packed in like sardines sitting on the floor? It mught be a squeeze, but would be hospitable, and would fit with the informality of a Messy Church christening.
The dog thing sounds difficult, and what a shame that this has created an atmosphere. It's reasonable to keep small children away from dogs they are not used to, especially if the dogs can be aggressive! Perhaps your family will get over this in time if you keep on acting normally.
INeedThatForkOff · 03/06/2013 09:56
It is unusual (ime) to have a Christening and only invite some for a celebration afterwards. Can't you just do a buffet at home?
This is the obvious solution but we still couldn't do it for various reasons:
The house is about to be extended so we can get rid sell it. As it is, I have very little kitchen space and my cooker only has two rings working.
Add to that, as well as having two small DCs I am currently examining and there are parcels of work everywhere bathe deadline is two days before the Christening so I have neither the time or space.
The aunts on this side of the family seem to consider themselves a special case, however between us we have 11 further sets to invite, plus cousins, if we were to e fair, and that is important to DH.
The plan was originally to include everyone, but surely they can see that the fact this has fallen through is beyond my control and I'm looking for the est solution I can, with the baptism in the way we want it at the very centre of that. It needs to be done now because the minister is away next month, messy church is not on over the school hols and most importantly, DS's Godmother, my dead friend, emigrates in September.
trackies · 03/06/2013 09:59
OP, the problem is them. Sounds like they just want to have a dig at you don't they ? So have the christening you want. If they don't want to come and are being funny with you, just ignore it. I had this at my wedding. Not over the food but other stuff. I find people are like this when they are in some sort of a power struggle with you (even if you are not with them).
INeedThatForkOff · 03/06/2013 10:01
Re the choice of Indian food, my gran does eat it and is well aware there will be 'English' options available.
I chose it because DS's Godmother is Indian Muslim (I know that's unusual too, but she more than anyone encourages the DCs in their faith). It was a good solution for us as the only other affordable alternative would have been a cheap pub at that time of day, and their meat is not going to be Halal and their veggie options crap, frankly.
I am not going to offer to change it to accommodate my gran. I think I said great gran upthread. She's the DC's GG.
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