If you invite someone out for a celebration dinner and their response is 'well I don't really like that sort of food,' (Indian) that's pretty rude isn't it?

[INeedThatForkOff]

My extended family, who I've always had a lot to do with, have been really arsey with me lately. It began with an incident in which one aunt's dog nearly but my cousin's 2yo DD in the face at a party, so that before the next one I asked her if it would be shut away. It grudgingly was, but someone else brought a dog, and a different aunt, also a dog lover, made a point of sitting on the floor with cousin's 5mo DS and allowing said dog right up to his face, at which point the baby was taken off her. The latter aunt has refused to put her own dogs out of the way when our children visit, though I've only found this out through gossip, so I no longer go there (the dogs get aggressive with each other over food, and she insists on giving the DCs bags of crap sweets and crisps around them). My great grandmother is another dog lover, has also refused the request but backed down when I declined to go and visit, and basically there's a lot of ill feeling simmering away.

If you're still reading, I'll get to the point! We have decided to have DS Christened at a messy church session, as that's the way we practice. It's late Friday afternoon, which has caused the first aunt to moan because she won't be able to get time off work (I realise we can't expect this, and don't have a problem with it), but she has instead booked a holiday abroad and yet continues to comment.

A different aunt has got the arse because while we had originally booked a gathering at a local pub afterwards, they've cancelled on us and I now can't get anything affordable and don't have the time and space to cater it myself. We have decided to explain that everyone who wants to come is still welcome to the service, but we're just taking immediate family out for dinner afterwards. Offensive, apparently.

I then invited my great grandmother for the meal, to which her immediate response was 'well I don't really like Indian. And I'm not immediate family anyway.' They have clearly decided between them that I'm somehow not doing things right.

WIBU to just retract all invitations and keep it to immediate family and friends?

PS -the dog story seems a bit irrelevant but there's just been an atmosphere since then.

Can you not hire the church hall/ community hall etc and do a traditional afternoon tea? Go to costco or a wholesaler & buy large catering trays of sandwiches, sausage rolls & cakes and scones. That would tick all the boxes for most of your guests and that way you would avoid further tension by uninviting.

I'd offer to cater the food after the baptism so that everyone can stay. It's a nice way to say thanks to the church as well. Just order some trays of sandwiches (costco usually do them if you're a member, local sandwich shops will do them up, and even subway does a pretty good tray of mini subs. Order some cupcakes or muffins, buy a few bags of crisps. It doesn't have to be fancy and there's no rule that says you have to make anything yourself.

You could then go out to Indian dinner with your immediate family afterwards if you wanted.

Tbh I would be pissed off to be invited to a christening and do, to then be told the after do bit was now only for a few.

Worse if it's short notice as I'd have planned stuff around it.

Yabu. I would be annoyed to be invited to a 'do' and then have my invite retracted because it's now 'immediate family only', it'd make me feel like shit tbh. Also some people really can't stand the smell or taste of Indian food, it's not for everyone at all.

YABVU to retract an invitation after it is made.

People to whom the event is important will make sure they are there for the christening.

However Indian food probably isn't the best choice of restaurant. I have IBS which is triggered by spicy and fatty food, and with the exception of plain rice there is little I would find to eat. But you do what you want.

i assume you would be making the church a good donation for hosting the chrstening buffet.i think theywould snatch your hand off!

Usually there's an English food option at Indian restaurants. Can't you find out and let her know?

I wouldn't be upset at having my invite to the "do" invited if I understood that a last minute cancellation had caused problems. In fact rather than sniping about it I woul try to be helpful.

Your family sound like hard work and unlikely to be happy whatever you do.

I'm not religious but I thought the most important part of the christening would be the bit in the church anyway, not the party afterwards.

As a complete side issue, where are all these Indian restaurants that have English food options on the menu?

Possibly because I live in East London in a very multi-ethnic area, but no Indian restaurant near me does English food. No chips, no plain chicken, nothing.I know, I've tried. (DD is something of a supertaster and even salt & vinegar crisps are 'too spicy' for her).

When we've asked, their response is generally 'oh, she'll love this dish, it's not too spicy' - well, it is for her. So if we as a family get invited out for Indian we either don't go or feed her beforehand and provide her with something to do while we eat.

OP, your family sound like they're determined to be difficult. It's a lovely idea to speak to the Minister and see if something can be done at the church hall itself, but if you get no joy I'd carry on with your plans but accept that some people (like DD) just can't stomach spicy food.