To think I'm not being selfish to think he could try and not wake us

[fizzzness]

My husband normally gets up at 630 and leaves the house at 7. Normally he wakes me, our four year old and baby. I've kinda got used to it, and try and have a quick shower before he leaves to make the best of the early morning. But it is exhausting getting up with the two kids every day at 630, especially as DH doesn't get back till 630 most nights and I'm still up with the baby most nights. But I get used to it, it's just life and it's gets us out the house early.

But last week DH took a weeks holiday which we spent at home. We all slept till half seven / eight each day. It was amazing. I feel so much more rested, and the kids were less grumpy and tired. So I ask DH if he could try and get stuff ready at night and try not wake us.

Fast toward to this morning, he's rummaging round bedroom, opening drawers, rustling carrier bags, dropping keys, coming in and out bedroom, getting stuff ready in hall by my and baby's door and four year olds door . Even when he's in a different room, the doors I between are all open and every thing he does can be heard. I get up ask him to kee the doors closed and sto coming in and out of bedroom, and he shouts and me and tell me that I'm selfish. Then leaves, forgets his keys and comes back in to get them and leaves again.

Aibu to think he could get his stuff ready the night before and try to it wake us? Am I selfish? He seems to think that because he's up, I should be up.

Yanbu. If that were my dh he would be late for work by virtue of being dead.

YANBU but I think you should talk about it after the fact rather than at the time.

Yanbu. In my house, I'm the one that leaves early, while DH gets up later and does the school/nursery run. I almost always have clothes ready, bag packed etc the night before. Once I'm out of bed, I don't need to go back into the bedroom, and I try to be fairly quiet, especially when near DDs' bedrooms.

Occasionally one of the DDs will wake anyway, but a lot of the time DH doesn't even realise I've gone until he wakes. It's just basic consideration.

Same as dontlaugh

And fair enough it won't work every day. But if he had his bag packed and clothes ready in the living room, and got ready in there with the door shut, there's a reasonable chance. But he'll not do it. Today he was searching in the under bed drawer for a tshirt whilst baby and I asleep in bed. That's not making an effort not to wake us is it?

Or am I totally out of order? Is it wrong to be sleeping when he has to up? I do try ( almost 100% successfully) not to wake him over night when I'm up with baby. Was up every two hours last night.

Yanbu. I work and DH is a SAHP. I get up at 6 am and leave at 7 am. I try to be as quiet as possible and not wake anyone up. This means I get everything ready the night before. Doesn't always work as DS1 is often awake just before me with the light mornings but I certainly wouldn't be waking anyone up on purpose, that's just selfish IMO.

What? You told him to be quiet in the morning and he yelled at you?? You are clearly being far too civil.

I'm like death warmed up first thing in the morning and I dearly love and need my sleep - someone banging around would get murdered.

Rather than a polite 'could you be quiet' perhaps 'shut the fuck up you selfish sod' should be your opening line? Or suggest he sleeps on the couch of he can't be quiet? Don't feel guilty about it, sleep is more important than almost everything else!

ah well, you know what to do when the baby wakes in the night.

Your not being selfish, talk to him about it again when he's in a better mood. Remind him you make an effort not to wake him in the middle of the night when you're up with the baby & he needs to do the same in the mornings.

You could perhaps help him to get organised in the evenings the first few days to get him into the new habit - I know he's a grown up & should be capable of doing it himself but it might be worth the long term gain.

Yanbu. I would be having words as well.

YANBU, but bringing it up at the time isn't going to help. ait unti he's calmed down and then talk to him about it - explain how much better it is for the DC not to be woken up early and maybe say that if you're not woken up at 6.30am everyday, you two will have more time to spend together as a couple in the evenings because you won't be so tired.

DP gets up at 5-6 for work, depending on the day, but he's quiet and if he does wake me, I manage to get back to sleep pretty easily.

Every time you get up with the baby, wake him up. It would be selfish not to! The family that has sleep deprivation together, stays together!

Yanbu! I get up with the kids around 5.30 at the moment & DP works late shifts so there is a lot of keeping the disturbance down so he can sleep. I get everything out of the bedroom the night before, shut them in front of the tv when I have my shower etc. Talk to him.

YANBU.

I leave for work very early. I get everything ready the night before, get dressed in the bathroom, dry my hair downstairs, creep out of the door without waking anyone.

DH does this too if he has to leave early. Because he is naturally a bit noisier than me, he takes his clothes, toothbrush, shaver etc downstairs the night before, and uses the downstairs loo. (I am a very light sleeper and often wake anyway, but I appreciate the effort he makes).

There is no excuse for rummaging around in drawers. It is very simple to sort out everything you need the night before and put keys, work bag etc near the front door.

Yes he should make more effort, but surely your 4 year old has to be at school/nursery so you wouldn't be able to lay-in til 8am anyway......?

But then I am an early morning person - and we are an early rising house - dh is up at 5.30am weekdays for work, me shortly after, and my kids 10 and 8 are also up by 6.30am.

Not sure how it happened really, I always used to like a lie in (I blame the kids).

I would TELL him to be quiet, he is BU.

Do you think there is a bit of attention seeking going on? "Look at me I have to get up and go to work while you all stay in bed"?

Is he resentful about the division of labour (or how he perceives the division of labour) in the family?

X posts with travelin.

silverstar - that extra hour makes a world of difference if you have been up 2 or 3 times in the night already.

YANBU and he should make more of an effort- but 6.30 would be a lie in for me - I'm feeling a bit jealous!

My exh used to comp around at 5am in his steel capped boots...knowing Id probably only got to sleep around an hour earlier because of AND induced insomnia - and he didn't bloody well let me forget what a hardship it was for home to work and still do some of the house stuff and how bloody lazy I was.

In contrast, my OH also has to leave around 5am and he creeps out and doesn't make the slightest fuss about any of it.

YADNBU - but since he's into sharing do make sure he shares he night-time feeds...tis only fair!!!!

Does he resent going to work while you stay home?

WSS

Does he hate his job and see you as getting to 'stay at home'?

YANBU, he is being selfish.

Yanbu. My DH puts his clothes on a hanger on the door downstairs with his shoes, socks and undies so he doesn't have to wake us. He tiptoes around as quietly as he can, doesn't put TV on, closes doors behind him to minimise noise etc. I just figured that was common courtesy.

Your DH is selfish, not you. I second what was said about him resenting going to work though.