To think I'm not being selfish to think he could try and not wake us

[fizzzness]

My husband normally gets up at 630 and leaves the house at 7. Normally he wakes me, our four year old and baby. I've kinda got used to it, and try and have a quick shower before he leaves to make the best of the early morning. But it is exhausting getting up with the two kids every day at 630, especially as DH doesn't get back till 630 most nights and I'm still up with the baby most nights. But I get used to it, it's just life and it's gets us out the house early.

But last week DH took a weeks holiday which we spent at home. We all slept till half seven / eight each day. It was amazing. I feel so much more rested, and the kids were less grumpy and tired. So I ask DH if he could try and get stuff ready at night and try not wake us.

Fast toward to this morning, he's rummaging round bedroom, opening drawers, rustling carrier bags, dropping keys, coming in and out bedroom, getting stuff ready in hall by my and baby's door and four year olds door . Even when he's in a different room, the doors I between are all open and every thing he does can be heard. I get up ask him to kee the doors closed and sto coming in and out of bedroom, and he shouts and me and tell me that I'm selfish. Then leaves, forgets his keys and comes back in to get them and leaves again.

Aibu to think he could get his stuff ready the night before and try to it wake us? Am I selfish? He seems to think that because he's up, I should be up.

YANBU, show him this thread

He is clearly jealous of you not going out to work.

He needs to sort this out. Change jobs. Both go part time. Maybe he could take some unpaid parental leave for a chance to see you are 'working'.

If he can't get over this then maybe it would be worth the compromise of you getting up with him as long as th dc get to keep sleeping. You could spend some time together and then go back to bed once he leaves or have some time to yourself. He is being unreasonable but I wouldn't just ignore his work dissatisfaction/jealousy.

Mind you he's always been like this, even when he likes his job. I've just accepted it over the years and it's just got normal to get up with him. It used to be that he got up early to get to work early so he could get home early and have dinner with DS. But since the baby has been burn, he's been getting home later and later too. He just seems to think it's not fair that I get to stay in bed if he's up and having to go to work.

His work have shafted him, practically demoted and demotivated him and given him a new boss who micro manages him when he used to have an entire team. He's gutted. But looking for something new isn't easy when there's lots of redundancies in his work, and field in general. And he stressed because of it I think.

YANBU Blimey no way is it easy to look after children, get up in night several times and then..... go to the beach with them? Seriously. Been there and done that and it is hard work.

I second what everybody else has already said. Let him do it for the weekend without help and see how he feels then, oh, and make sure he is up for 6.30 every morning!

My DH works shifts, on earlies he gets up at 5am. He is practiced in the art of being silent, and I often don't hear him at all. When he's on lates he gets up on my work mornings at 6am to help me get DS up, fed and dressed as we have to be out the house by 7am. He then goes back to bed for a bit.

About 10 years ago, my dad was moaning to me about how mum didn't get up at the same time as he did.

I told him not to be bloody stupid. He is a lark, gets up at 6am, goes to bed around 10pm. Mum is a night owl, up at around 9pm, in bed around 1-2am.

I pointed out to him that mum didn't sleep any more than he did, and if she needed to get up for something like an appointment she always managed it. I also pointed out to him that they were both retired at that point so what did mum have to get up early for?

Never heard another moan from dad, and mum says he hasn't moaned to her about it again either. Result.

Oh, and when I was the one leaving the house early, I prepped everything the night before and was quiet in the morning. It's just basic courtesy to the other people in the house.

OK, so he's always been a bit of a selfish arse, but the situation with his job, and possibly the new baby, have made him worse - is that right? Unfortunately, if you've always put up with it, it's going to be harder to change it (note to self: don't put up with selfish behaviour!). You have to talk this through, otherwise you are both going to resent each other drwadfully. Was it a joint decision that you stay at home (or are you on ML at the mo? - will you be returning to work?)? How would you feel about returning to work?

I completely appreciate that his work situation sounds dire, and I can see how that could affect him in other ways. But you can't go on like this.

YANBU - DH leaves the house at 5.25 and never wakes me.
Maybe you could suggest to your 'D'H that if he insists on waking you and DC that he at least does it with a cuppa before leaving

YANBU
I say that as somebody who has dealt with this for 15 sodding years (bitter? Me? Very!). It didn't matter if I finally got the baby to sleep in the early hours, come 6am DH would be turning on lights and clattering around. Another downside is you end up with DC who are permenantly early risers, because it's such a habit for them.

It's selfishness. Good luck to sorting it because despite hundreds of conversations about it my DH has never changed. Nip it in the bud NOW.

YA so NBU
My dh gets it all ready the night before, even showers the night before he is on earlies. He gets dressed in the living room, uses the loo in the utility room and if he is taking his motorbike he free wheels to the end of the road before starting it up.
Very considerate.
When he does lates I never hear him come home either and sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and he is asleep beside me.
And yet if dd or ds fart in their sleep I'm awake!

It seems like the issue is that he resents you staying at home, having an "easy life" and thinks why should you sleep if he has to get up and go to work.

So getting all his stuff ready the night before isn't going to help. He will find another way of waking you and DCs up.

Does he not quite understand that you are not just sitting at home painting your toenails and eating cake?
You say he doesn't get up in the night with the baby?
Maybe he needs his sleep interrupted several times a night and a few days on his own with the DCs to understand what you actually do?

Personaly I don't think anyone should have to justify what they do with their time or have to convince their partners how hard their day is, it's not a competition, who has the worst life. But he clearly needs to understand why it's utterly ridiculous to wake you up, just because he is pissed of that you get to stay at home.

I agree that HIBU.

That said, I've never expected my husband to get leave clothes in the living room & get dressed there!

Does he deliberately wake the children or is he so noisy he wakes them?

He's behaving like a selfish pig.

Sometimes my partner leaves early, sometimes I do. We both make sure we're quiet and respectful of the other one when we're up early. Clothes are out out ready the night before, shoes and bags etc left downstairs with the lunch we made the night before.

If I have to shower in the morning I dry my hair in another room (and leave my towel and giant bag o' hair stuff in the other room the night before too). It's just basic manners isn't it?