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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm not being selfish to think he could try and not wake us

64 replies

fizzzness · 03/06/2013 07:40

My husband normally gets up at 630 and leaves the house at 7. Normally he wakes me, our four year old and baby. I've kinda got used to it, and try and have a quick shower before he leaves to make the best of the early morning. But it is exhausting getting up with the two kids every day at 630, especially as DH doesn't get back till 630 most nights and I'm still up with the baby most nights. But I get used to it, it's just life and it's gets us out the house early.

But last week DH took a weeks holiday which we spent at home. We all slept till half seven / eight each day. It was amazing. I feel so much more rested, and the kids were less grumpy and tired. So I ask DH if he could try and get stuff ready at night and try not wake us.

Fast toward to this morning, he's rummaging round bedroom, opening drawers, rustling carrier bags, dropping keys, coming in and out bedroom, getting stuff ready in hall by my and baby's door and four year olds door . Even when he's in a different room, the doors I between are all open and every thing he does can be heard. I get up ask him to kee the doors closed and sto coming in and out of bedroom, and he shouts and me and tell me that I'm selfish. Then leaves, forgets his keys and comes back in to get them and leaves again.

Aibu to think he could get his stuff ready the night before and try to it wake us? Am I selfish? He seems to think that because he's up, I should be up.

OP posts:

ExcuseTypos · 03/06/2013 08:06

What a prat.

He's just being very mean and unkind. My DH always gets his clothes ready the night before and puts everyone in the bathroom. It's just plain consideration.

Ask him if he wants you to wake him up when the baby wakes in the night. Ask him how he'd like it if you switch the light on, faff around looking for wet wipes etc,

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/06/2013 08:09

DH gets up at 5.30 and leaves at 6.15.

He puts all his clothes and bits and pieces in another room the night before and gets ready as quietly as he can. He always gives me a kiss before he leaves, but I really appreciate that he doesn't just slam about.

So YANBU at all. And he has got the gall to call you selfish?!

landofsoapandglory · 03/06/2013 08:10

My DH gets up at 5:05, has a shower then gets ready in our room and leaves for work at 6:20. I sleep through it all! Somedays I do wake up and have a rant about how he should get his stuff ready the night before, but he genuinely doesn't think about it, he I doesn't get home until almost 7:00pm, so is tired and I don't badger him about it.

YANBU he could be quieter.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 03/06/2013 08:14

YANBU He is being selfish.
My OH gets up at 5am most mornings and he knows not to wake me or the dc.
Ive 'trained' him to get all his stuff ready the night before so all hes got to do is get dressed downstairs and go.
Talk to him about it, if he doesn't change then its time for revenge

Silverstar2 · 03/06/2013 08:16

YY to waking him in the night with the baby.

MisselthwaiteManor · 03/06/2013 08:20

YANBU, my DH gets up at 4:30 some days and used to clatter around the bedroom, sit on the bed to get dressed and eat his breakfast etc! It's absolute BLISS now he gets ready downstairs, but will sometimes still come in and wake me up at 5:30 to say goodbye. It's a pain in the arse.

PoppyAmex · 03/06/2013 08:22

I don't think the circumstances matter at all tbh.

In this house we have the outmost respect for other people's sleep, regardless of the time of day/how long the person has been asleep etc.

Having grown up in a home where sleeping in was seen as "unhealthy" and a waste of time, I couldn't live with someone who did that to me and our children.

MoreSnowPlease · 03/06/2013 08:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

lottiegarbanzo · 03/06/2013 08:23

So you are up in the night with the baby and he isn't? Lucky him, he should be grateful.

If his first attempt he may not have prepared well and it may get better with practice.

Otherwise, if this is about (weird) attitude, he's being very unpleasant.

DawnOfTheDee · 03/06/2013 08:26

I'm another one who would wake him every time the baby did

This is definitely a case of misery loves company. "I'm up and not happy about it therefore everyone has to suffer". He needs to grow up.

EugenesAxe · 03/06/2013 08:47

dontlaugh - I had to ignore your username I'm afraid.

YANBU - not at all selfish. This is my situation too, although DH is fairly considerate, thank goodness. He is also a light sleeper, so often settles any night-time wakings before they've registered with me.

I don't mind too much being wakened in the morning but I get annoyed if he disturbs the children. I think on the odd occasion he has done, it's been out of spite because he's got a lot on or is tired, but looking after children and a household is far more physically wearing than working in an office. Mental tiredness can be very exhausting too, but having experienced both, I think you can push through that to an extent with positive thinking. You can't rest a knackered body without sleep.

Purple2012 · 03/06/2013 08:47

Me and DH both work shifts. Whoever is up early puts all their stuff in the spare room the night before so the other one can stay asleep.

thebody · 03/06/2013 08:49

Selfish sod. Wake him up in the night every time you are up.

Teach him a lesson.

JassyRadlett · 03/06/2013 08:54

The 'if I'm up, you're up' principle extends to the baby's night wakings, right?

MrsOakenshield · 03/06/2013 08:58

another YANBU - DH takes his stuff into the spare room, which is down the corridor next to the bathroom, the night before. But then, he's not a twat. When he goes downstairs to have breakfast he makes sure the kitchen door is shut before he starts clattering about. And he does all this with no prompting from me.

Show him this thread!

Original poster

fizzzness · 03/06/2013 08:58

Yes he hates his job. Was dreading going back. Yes I think he resents me being at home. Said yesterday when I was arranging with a friend to take the kids to the beach today, that I have it easy.

OP posts:

MrsOakenshield · 03/06/2013 09:01

right, well that's a whole separate issue and you need to talk it through because it's going to become a whole lot bigger than him just waking you in the morning. Can he start looking for a new job? Would be like to be at home with the children for a while - could you go back to work. It's awful when you hate your job and it's a reason for his behaviour, but not an excuse. DH has gone through phases of struggling at work and I listen and support him - but he still doesn't wake me up!

DawnOfTheDee · 03/06/2013 09:01

Oh dear - the 'you have it easy' comment. Silly man.

You know this means you should immediately organise things for you to do alone next weekend and leave him with the dc all day. And he can do the night wakings then too (unless lo is bf). Then ask him to re-evaluate his opinion.

MTBMummy · 03/06/2013 09:02

YANBU - I'm the early riser in our house, I have to get up at 5, I pack all my things the night before and then get ready in the spare room, so I don't wake anyone up.

Occasionally DD (3) will wake up while I'm getting ready, but I'll just go to her, give her a couple of books, open her blind and she'll tinker away in her room

I even make DP a cup of coffee in a thermos mug, and leave it next to his bed so he's got a nice warm cup of coffee. (do I get a gold star?)

Branleuse · 03/06/2013 09:04

have you tried earplugs?

MrsOakenshield · 03/06/2013 09:06

also - I would perhaps take myself off for a whole weekend and leave him to it for 48 hours, so he can see how 'easy' it is. I know that it's easy to fall into the trap of each thinking the other's life is easier, and sometimes it is, but it's a nobbish think to say and worrying if he really does think it.

dreamingbohemian · 03/06/2013 09:10

Sweet Jesus. Is he 8? I cannot understand how a grown man can be so childish.

You might remind him how easy he has it, getting a full night's sleep every night. And then purposefully destroy that easy life by waking him up every time the baby wakes.

Is he doing anything to try to change jobs? What does he hate about it?

You can't spend the rest of your life in thrall to his bad moods about work. It's especially not fair to the kids.

Morloth · 03/06/2013 09:10

YANBU both DH and I have early starts (on alternate days).

We sometimes have toddler DS2 in bed with us in the morning and neither of us wake each other or him.

It isnt that hard, everything is in its place and we use a LED light in the cupboard, it is just enough to see by but not enough to wake anyone up.

Is important to be kind to one another.

dreamingbohemian · 03/06/2013 09:12

Do they make earplugs for babies?

Or, her husband could just stop being an arse.

musickeepsmesane · 03/06/2013 09:16

YADNBU. My DH knows I hate mornings. Yet for years he flirted with death. Every fucking morning. Thump, thump, thump. Walks like a neaderthal. Every fucking morning. It didn't matter how I approached the subject. It could have been reasonable and diplomatic or with a frying pan in my hand. He just never believed me. Fucker. Then one morning, I kid you not, he realised that if he didn't put his heel down first........he walked quietly. FFS. He is still alive. Tho' he has recently started trying to have conversations with me in the morning and patting the quilt on his way out of the room. I cannot guarantee that the frying pan is not under the bed. Ready. Sorry bout the language

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