Aibu to avoid a school because of a "do not abuse the staff" sign?

[Hawkmoon269]

I've name changed for this because I don't want to be outed!

My child is in a choir. Rehearsals each week are in an infant school that is several miles from our home and I know nothing about.

As you enter there is a sign saying that verbal and physical abuse will not be tolerated. This sign is at adult height and is addressed to "visitors to the school" so clearly not intended for the pupils of the school.

Just had an interesting chat to a friend about this. Seeing the sign puts me off the school straight away. Wouldn't even consider it (not that it's an option, but if I saw a similar sign in a school that was an option I would rule it out). My friend thinks I'm overreacting...

But seriously - the sign is clearly aimed at adults (so I assume parents). Aibu to want to avoid schools which have to warn parents not to be abusive even before they enter?! It freaks me out!

Choosing the right school is of enormous importance to the teachers as well.
I've been dragged across a table and yelled at by a distressed and hysterical parent, but the worst sort of continuous abuse has been from entitled parents, earning more than me, who use the 'My only concern is MY CHILD' as the bludgeon to crush everyone and everything else.
Arrogant, opinionated and outraged when either pulled up on their behaviour or banned from the premises.
So yes, a sign is a good idea to remind parents that they are not exempt from the consequences of their behaviour.

'why would parents want to risk child's schooling / trouble with the authorities'

Because it doesn't cross their minds that they are, that the rules about abuse mean them and not the ASBO yobs from the estate, or those parents in rough areas with schools that aren't Outstanding.

Where are all these parents that speak rudely to teaching staff and are abusive? In over 10 years of having children at school I have never come across anything like this at all.

Not a fan of those signs though. Generally the signs are placed next to a rude receptionist, who thinks he/she can speak to people as they wish, but because of the "sign" no one can say anything back and you are expected to just roll over and take the rudeness

I think all schools should have these.

We have had parents coming up with the express intention of 'smacking Mrs X' in the past and our receptionist has had to put up with a lot of abuse. Why should she? We can't punish kids for parents' behaviour, but we can remind parents not to be twats.

'Where are all these parents that speak rudely to teaching staff and are abusive? In over 10 years of having children at school I have never come across anything like this at all. '

Then you have been fortunate indeed my pampered poppet. In almost 30 years of teaching, I have come across quite a few, protected colleagues against attack and involved unions, disciplinary action against parents and called the police.
So perhaps your experiences and mine show that generalisation is a tricky area?

Very interesting responses...

I'm very supportive of my dc's teachers, head teacher and the admin staff at his nursery. I put dc first but respect the school rules, the staff and the other children.

I fully intend to support whichever schools he goes to in the future. But again, that's another reason for me to choose the right school.

I suppose iabu to worry about the sign because I am in a position to choose the schools we apply for. And I know that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a choice of schools.

But I think (having read all the posts) that ianbu in feeling that this sign on the front door (the first thing to greet you) does set a rather depressing tone.

I understand why these signs might be necessary. But by putting it on the front door it does seem to suggest "people sometimes feel so angry that they are abusive in our school." Which does scare off this first time Mum!

goblin "my pampered poppet"? That's quite rude isn't it? Should I put a sign up?!

Well, I could have called her Pampered Poochy....

Yes, but you didn't. You mockingly played on her name.

See, maybe that's my problem. I've lead a sheltered life. I know I have. I've worked in tough places, met many people with incredibly hard lives and tough stories, but I've never faced any real bullies or aggression aimed directly at me.

So I want to keep the dc's in the sort of safe environment I grew up in. Maybe it's wrapping them up in cotton wool. I don't really care if it is. I want them to be kind, empathetic and compassionate. But I do want to safeguard their childhoods as much as possible. I don't want them to be in a school that needs signs or police.

And now I feel guilty (again) that I can make that choice. I wish every child could go to a school that was free of "don't be aggressive" signs.

Led a sheltered life. sigh

Sorry, it's late.

I did, didn't I?
Would you like me to say sorry?
I'm not at work now, so I am not wearing that special mask of civility that enables teachers to continue to be reasonable in the face of often extreme provocation. I will be wearing it tomorrow, from 7.30am til 5.30pm.
But then perhaps she shouldn't sound so disbelieving of people saying parents can be abusive.

Actually YANBU in my opinion I purposely didn't put a particular school on my DS list because I saw this sign up, it just made me think if they need a sign what does that say? when none of the other school had it!

But it was just her experience! In my 15 years of being at school and 2 years of having a dc at school I also never witnessed anything more than a heated discussion. Nothing violent or abusive.

I absolutely believe that parents (and teachers) can be aggressive and rude. I don't disbelieve anyone else's experiences just because they differ from mine.

Goblin you are my idol. It is rather exasperating that some posters believe these signs are a slur on their good characters, instead of realising that they are a very necessary evil. If a sign makes one parent's judgey pants hoist, yet prevents another lunatic parent stoving a member of staff's head in, then ole JP will have to put up with it. If the signs rankle you, then they're probably not there for you. Stop getting your knickers in a twist.
Come and volunteer in school - get to know- the albeit small minority of that type of parent - then tell me it's not needed. Goblin and I have about 50 years of teaching experience between us so what would we know?

Just because YOU have never seen this kind of behaviour in schools means nothing.
Unless you have worked in one your time there will have been limited to maybe a maximum of 30 minutes a day.
I've never witnessed abuse in the doctors, the dentist the supermarket etc etc... However I know it happens...

I'd avoid a school that had this sign up as I wouldn't want to be confronted with the parents the sign is aimed at.

Dame - I understand why the signs are there. But it makes me want to avoid that school BECAUSE of the reason for them being there.

There's a distinction.

flan exactly. Exactly that.

smartie Actually, when I was a pupil I did more than 30 minutes a day

And as a parent I'm there for the two main opportunities for other parents to be rude. Yes, they can come in at any time but surely drop off and pick up have to be prime argument times?

Anyway, I'm not suggesting that schools don't have nightmare, problem parents. I'm just saying that I'd like to avoid them as much as possible. Avoiding schools that feel the need to put up these signs ON THE FRONT DOOR seems one way of avoiding nightmare parents. No?

Just because YOU have never seen this kind of behaviour in schools means nothing.

Exactly.

Another teacher here who has been cornered by a screaming abusive parent who refused to let me leave my classroom - and then chased me down the corridor into a governors' meeting shrieking racist abuse.

We've had several such in incidents over the years, and yes, we do have the signs. I doubt it puts anyone off - we are heavily oversubscribed.

Goblin, you are also one of my idols

That's completely reasonable Hawk but just because the signs aren't there really doesn't mean it doesn't happen at that school. It's so sad isn't it? Wonder where we'll be in 10 years - signs or no signs.

I know where you're coming from too.
You can tell what kind of establishment/club you're in by its rules.

I remember sitting upstairs on a bus and there was a sign that said 'no spitting out of the windows'