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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really understand?

98 replies

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/06/2013 16:11

Sorry, I am breaking the cardinal rule, as this is a thread about a thread. If that annoys you, please look away now. It's also a post about breastfeeding. Don't worry - my hard hat is on.

So, I really don't get it - at all - please someone explain........

Why are there so many people out there who are so repulsed by breastfeeding (particularly for older babies/ toddlers), yet are perfectly happy to allow their children to drink what is in effect the breastmilk of a cow, without so much as a blink of an eyelid. And of course drink it themselves without a second thought????????

Cows only produce milk when they produce calves - to feed them.

So why do people think it's more natural to drink and feed their children from the milk of another animal, rather than the mother's own?

I'm not a breastfeeding nazi, and I didn't breastfeed for long myself - but I have absolutely no qualms about others doing it, for as long as they wish. But what I really can't understand is people judging others for doing what is evidently natural, no matter the age of the child.

Confused!

OP posts:
Forgetfulmog · 02/06/2013 16:16

YANBU, but I think it's because bf is not really the "norm" anymore. Boobs have been sexualised so much that people have forgotten that their primary function is to feed a baby, just like a cow's is to feed a calf.

WuzzleMonkey · 02/06/2013 16:17

It's not the milk, it's the sucking on boobs part.

(doesn't bother me, but I think your comparison with drinking bottled cows milk completely misses the point).

Original poster
giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/06/2013 16:21

Wuzzle - what is it about the sucking on the boobs part??

Is it that they have been sexualised? Or maybe because naked boobs deemed offensive, or not for children's eyes?

Would it be ok if it was expressed milk from a bottle?

Like I say, I don't get it!

OP posts:
Boomba · 02/06/2013 16:22

I really don't care what other parents do with their chuldren. I breast fed my own. But for me at getting in for 4 or 5, I want my kids to becoming more independant, I don't want them to be seeking comfort from breast feeding

Iwantmybed · 02/06/2013 16:24

Its the only reason we have breasts.
BiscuitBiscuit

Boomba · 02/06/2013 16:24

And also, I want my body back for myself. It gets on my nerves when my kids fiddle with my boobs and other bits

mumofweeboys · 02/06/2013 16:24

Each to their own but I do find bf a 2+ year old odd but thats my own feelings, I wouldnt impose them on anyone else.

Boomba · 02/06/2013 16:25

No 'bits'! I mean, when they are all touchy feely, stroking arms etc

manicinsomniac · 02/06/2013 16:30

For me it's about the fact that the milk comes from my body and that another peson can feed from somethin coming out of me. There's something about the very idea of breastfeeding that makes me physically retch. I never even considered doing it. In my head it makes me feel totally dehumanised and like an animal (I know we are animals!). I struggle to explain it but it is a deep and genuine revulsion that I simply can't get over.

trackies · 02/06/2013 16:52

I have never breastfed. I tried but I didn't lactate much. I have found myself thinking it's a bit weird for older children, but this type of thinking is wrong, and i really do agree that it's cos women's boobs have been sexualised so much now that we've forgotten what they are there for. It's a shame really, as when i think about it logically, a mother should be able to feed her child breastmilk at whatever age without people judging and feeling squeemish about it.

Hassled · 02/06/2013 16:56

I don't think it's something you can rationalise. I didn't BF my oldest two - just felt yucky about it - there was something almost repulsive to me. I know that makes no sense - but I just recoiled in horror at the prospect (not that I judged others who did BF).
Then with DCs3&4 (after a long gap) it seemed like the most natural thing in the world - was weird.

badguider · 02/06/2013 17:09

I am friends with somebody who breast feeds an older child. It doesn't bother me that she does but it does a bit bother me that she doesn't teach him any bf manners (he is still fed absolutely on demand).
BUT i would not be able to do it for that long. I need to share feeding with my husband and could not cope with being the only source of comfort for my child after six months - it would be too much pressure.

NotYoMomma · 02/06/2013 17:17

I would like to live in a society where if you bf, you bf. And that's your business.

Equally if you ff, you ff. And that's your business without having to justify not wanting to.

Sadly women are women's own worst critics

WuzzleMonkey · 02/06/2013 17:20

I don't know giantpurple - I think people just see it as a very intimate act. People seem to have an issue with a child remembering being breastfed?

All sorts of reasons I guess.

Like I say, it doesn't bother me. But I think it's less what it is than it is the method of delivery?

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 18:16

I do think its a very difficult thing to understand if its not you. In both respects. If you feel repulsed by it, for example, it could just be a gut reaction, and not even based on anything. I can't understand that because I don't feel that way. But I can accept it. Similarly (loosely), thousands of people eat tuna. The thought totally repulses me. I have never eaten it, never will and have to move away from those who are eating it. To them, eating tuna is "normal". To me it's vile.

And as for feeding older children. I have friends who fed for a few months. They feel uncomfortable around me feeding my 20 month old. As he can help himself and walk to it and ask for it verbally. But I didn't wake up one day and decide to feed a 20 month old. I just fed him every day, until today and tomorrow I'll feed him too. But they've never done that, and so, to them it's not natural.

The only issue I have is when people take it upon themselves to label me as cruel, abusive and anti formula, as I am non of these. I am just a mum, feeding her child, and sometimes I'm just a mum, providing him comfort. I just do it differently to others.

SquinkiesRule · 02/06/2013 18:28

I think it is to do with breasts being so sexualized. I fed my older two till they were nearly two and two respectively. Neither had bottles of milk. It was the norm where I lived.
I think a lot of people think if you are still breastfeeding a toddler that they will nurse like a newborn (constantly and everywhere you go, in public) but it's different, out and about they have cups of water, juice whatever you have, mine cut don to a few times a day at about a year old, and by nearly two years it was wake up and bedtime for one and bedtime only for the other. No one had a clue they were still nursing, not that it was some secret, it's just different to feeding a small baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2013 19:21

OK, I don't care what people do with their breasts. I fed DD until after a year and don't have any issue with what other people do.

However, can we stop saying that breasts have been 'sexualized' and that they are only for BFing. They are for breastfeeding. They are also sexual. They would not be the size or shape they are if they weren't. There is absolutely no reason for the fatty tissue around the breasts except for being sexually attractive. Other mammals don't have big breasts because generally have big/colourful/engorged arses. We don't go on 4 legs any more and can't use our arses for this. Bingo, big breasts.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2013 19:22

BTW breasts are fetishised and that is an issue. But, they are sexual whether we want them to be or not.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 19:23

Yanbu it's deeply ingrained though. My DH is a vegan and he's always Hmm about people drinking cows milk.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 19:24

MrsTerry Breasts are no particular size or shape. Women's breasts vary from flat to huge and are of all kinds of sizes and shapes.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 19:25

I mean...do you think she'd be able to bf? of course she could...most likely. I am very flat chested myself. No reason I couldn't BF or produce BM. I did.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 19:26

And actually I find your assumption that only "big breasts" are attractive offensive MrsTerry.

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 19:27

I think it's just because of culture....I'm taken aback sometimes by things that I'm not used to.

I'm about to have DC no 2 and am a bit worried about BF'ing in public, probably because of societal norms.

The thread you are referring to got me thinking - what if things work out that we are BF'ing at 2 plus - would that bother me? No, but it would bother family members who I am sure will take great delight in letting me know their disgust 9I've already been berated for my birthing choices, and my food consumption choices and my political choices...but it's just fine for one family member to smoke around me....)

Some people just react to something that does not fit into their world view by being obnoxious about it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2013 19:28

Not only big breasts are attractive. However, from an evolutionary standpoint the only reason for fatty tissue around the breasts is sexual attraction. It's not to keep the milk warm.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 19:29

[sigh] back atcha MrsTerry. You've been conditioned.

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