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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really understand?

98 replies

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/06/2013 16:11

Sorry, I am breaking the cardinal rule, as this is a thread about a thread. If that annoys you, please look away now. It's also a post about breastfeeding. Don't worry - my hard hat is on.

So, I really don't get it - at all - please someone explain........

Why are there so many people out there who are so repulsed by breastfeeding (particularly for older babies/ toddlers), yet are perfectly happy to allow their children to drink what is in effect the breastmilk of a cow, without so much as a blink of an eyelid. And of course drink it themselves without a second thought????????

Cows only produce milk when they produce calves - to feed them.

So why do people think it's more natural to drink and feed their children from the milk of another animal, rather than the mother's own?

I'm not a breastfeeding nazi, and I didn't breastfeed for long myself - but I have absolutely no qualms about others doing it, for as long as they wish. But what I really can't understand is people judging others for doing what is evidently natural, no matter the age of the child.

Confused!

OP posts:
monicalewinski · 02/06/2013 21:36

Didn't mean for that to sound arsey btw, and sorry if it did (just read it back), absolutely am NOT feeling arsey at all!

OHforDUCKScake · 02/06/2013 21:38

Wow. Ive never seen breast feeding compared to watching a cow being slaughtered.

FWIW I dont think witnessing a cow being slaughtered has ever been a social thing.

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 21:40

OHfor, the last time he latched a few weeks ago he got some milk, today he told me my boobs were empty. So I think he may have lost it. So he just sat the with my nipple in his mouth anyway Smile

OHforDUCKScake · 02/06/2013 21:42

Oh thats adorable. Its adorable to me who is still breast feeding a toddler boy though. No doubt our conversation has made others recoil Wink.

OHforDUCKScake · 02/06/2013 21:45

Funnily enough, my mum breast feed my (much) younger brother until he was 2. My toddler has just turned two ( a week ago) and before that she was asking when will I stop? Will I stop soon? And being a little 'cringey' looking at my feeding him and has been for a while.

It really goes to show how feelings can change!

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 21:45

Yes, I can imagine so! I chose my words carefully.. Wink

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 21:48

My Mum doesn't bat an eyelid now, and she never breastfed any of the 4 of us (aged 35-45) we wee all formula fed. I have tried and or breastfed all of mine. She has over the years asked lots of questions though and now believes its the best thing for us and understands I will allow him to self wean. She also knows the near 3 year old indulges for time to time and makes no comment. I think that's nice.

manicinsomniac · 02/06/2013 21:53

I agree that revulsion is a skewed and messed up mindset. The panic and nausea I feel at the mere thought of having a baby (never mind a walking, talking person!) sucking milk from my body is in no way rational or healthy. It feels almost like an impending panic attack.

But it is what it is. Fucked up or not there's no way I could get over it and do it. I struggle just to watch someone else do it.

Tenacity · 02/06/2013 21:57

I agree with WafflyVersatile and other posters that people have been socialised out of finding breast feeding 'normal'.

In that case then, I think the solution is to renormalise it. At what cost should society tolerate negative perceptions of what is a very beneficial exercise for mother and baby? The benefits of breast feeding are too many to count.

I am not sure why the sexual aspect of breasts should have more eminence over the benefits to the baby? What kind of a society is that? That's why I though it skewed.

Tenacity · 02/06/2013 21:58

thought

PrettyKitty1986 · 02/06/2013 22:00

Because seeing a five or six year old with their mothers breast in their mouth is icky. It just is.

Pooing is natural. Copulating is natural. I don't want to see either being done on a bench in my local shopping centre. Because they're icky.

I haven't read the rest of the thread btw.

WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 22:01

Of course slaughtering a cow has been a social thing. Slaughtering animals still is in many places. Often reserved for high days and holidays.

monicalewinski · 02/06/2013 22:05

Tenacity, most people who find it awful (me included) have said its NOT the sexualisation of the breasts.

Tenacity · 02/06/2013 22:10

I am not sure how those two examples compare to breast feeding? Providing sustenance to a baby is open and social, whereas pooing and copulating are done in private; across most cultures, I believe.

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 22:11

The old chestnut of pooing in public and sex... Yes totally comparable to providing comfort and nourishment...

Tenacity · 02/06/2013 22:16

monicalewinski: I do understand your feelings, and you can't help how you feel. However, should the revulsion not be questioned and explored though?

WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 22:24

Bfing at all in public was shocking not so many years ago. Now it is more accepted. I'm sure if more mothers chose to bf their children to an older age and it was taught at school etc as being entirely normal it would become normalised and people would not be repulsed by it.

Same as if a situation arose where we had to strangle chickens or not eat we would soon become inured to that!

I have no idea how long children are bf in other cultures. I'm sure I've read that during food shortages mothers in certain societies bf longer than they would in good times. I'm not up on the history so do not know if bfing 4 or 5 year olds was every 'normal' or only in extremis. I would imagine not, as there would be younger children reliant on bfing before that age.

monicalewinski · 02/06/2013 22:26

Not for me because my boys are well past all that now, was just providing honest feedback for the op about why I personally am repulsed by it. One of the other posters said about the generational thing of ff being the norm and she's right, me and my sister have absolutely taken the cues of "yuck" from my mum (blame the parents!!). Nothing to do with sexualisation etc, just "yuck" generally. I do get hugely fed up of having to justify why I didn't even try, and to be honest I think the whole bf push has picked up momentum over the last few years.

All that said, bf = awesome if that's your choice, extended if that's what is working for your child and you; ff = totally fine aswell if that's your choice. No-one elses opinion should be of any consequence, also the socialisation thing of it being "not the norm" is correct; I don't think there's much to explore tbh and I do think it is becoming more "normal" again in all honesty. (There are more people I know choosing to bf now than there was 10 years ago - in my social and working sphere anyway).

Hope that makes sense, it sounds a bit garbled reading it back!

monicalewinski · 02/06/2013 22:28

That post was in answer to Tenacity by the way, it just took me an age to type!

WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 22:28

Makes perfect sense.

Tenacity · 02/06/2013 22:47

monicalewinski: I agree about choice. The majority of parents want to do the best for their child.

monicalewinski · 02/06/2013 22:58

Tenacity I'm off to do the sodding ironing now as I have a stack of school clothes to do - unfortunately for me that is what is best for my children at this moment in time! Night Smile

OHforDUCKScake · 03/06/2013 10:34

I instantly lose any respect for any adult who described anything as 'icky'.

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