To not really understand?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Sorry, I am breaking the cardinal rule, as this is a thread about a thread. If that annoys you, please look away now. It's also a post about breastfeeding. Don't worry - my hard hat is on.

So, I really don't get it - at all - please someone explain........

Why are there so many people out there who are so repulsed by breastfeeding (particularly for older babies/ toddlers), yet are perfectly happy to allow their children to drink what is in effect the breastmilk of a cow, without so much as a blink of an eyelid. And of course drink it themselves without a second thought????????

Cows only produce milk when they produce calves - to feed them.

So why do people think it's more natural to drink and feed their children from the milk of another animal, rather than the mother's own?

I'm not a breastfeeding nazi, and I didn't breastfeed for long myself - but I have absolutely no qualms about others doing it, for as long as they wish. But what I really can't understand is people judging others for doing what is evidently natural, no matter the age of the child.

Confused!

[monicalewinski]

Was that about the mother thing OHfor?? If so then yes, I agree (I read your post again).

I'm convinced that my mum's feelings hugely influenced me and my sister (we're also both petrified of spiders, as is my mum!). I wasn't a teen mum and neither was my mum, but my granny was not overtly "earth mothery" and my mum ff me and my sister, we are also firmly in the "clean and wrapped" camp when it comes to birth (I couldn't stomach the idea of my babies being delivered onto me and had nightmares leading up to the birth about it) in the end it didn't matter as I had cs with both.

I do however get fed up of having to justify why I "didn't even try", my boys are perfectly ok and I bonded just fine with them and each to their own tbh - if people extended bf then although it does make ME feel ill, I have no ill feelings about what they choose to do (if that makes sense).

[YonicTheHedgehog]

ThisWayForCrazy I agree completely. I set out to feed DD for 3 months, 16 months later I'm still feeding her - it just happens.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Yes it was regarding the mother thing.

[monicalewinski]

Oh, and I don't drink milk either and feel physically sick when other people drink it in front of me - so maybe a bit of actual milk fear for me too!

[DontmindifIdo]

It is odd actually if you think about it, we've decided as a society (and not all do) that milk is good for us and something we should consume not just when we are infants, but that the milk we should have beyond the age of about 6 months old is not human milk but cows milk. We still give milk to DCs to drink (not just as an ingredient) because we have a cultural view that they need it but don't think the milk they should have is human milk. If it's natural to stop breast feeding young, or even before the age of 2, then why did we start replacing breast milk with cows milk?

I do think the delivery aspect is a problem for a lot of people, but why did we make the leap from "must stop breast feeding as soon as out of infancy" but rather than go to "milk is just for babies" we went for "breast milk is just for babies, cows milk is for children and adults".

(I don't know the answer, it just is that this thread has focussed on the breastfeeding aspect, not the "why did we decide to give cows milk way past an age when we would have naturally breast fed for before farming?")

[Boomba]

hmmm, interesting monica I also cant/dont drink cow's milk. I find the idea of that really foul...

[Boomba]

and neither of my kids drink it

[badguider]

As I've said, I don't mind at all being around my friend who breastfeeds her 3.5 yr old on demand, but the thought personally of being so out of control of my own body I would hate. She has chosen (I guess) to allow him to get a breast out and feed himself pretty much whenever he wants and to me that is the thing I can't get. When you feed a baby or younger toddler, you get the breast out and choose when to feed (obviously with very vocal requests at times :) ) but when a 3.5yr old helps himself to part of your body that to me is a loss of control that I don't want to give even to my own child.

But that's MY choice, it doesn't bother me at all that people I know have made a different choice. That's THEIRS to make.

[OHforDUCKScake]

badguider what are these 'bad bf manners' that you speak of?

[OHforDUCKScake]

And it does bother you. You clearly said as much up thread.

[Startail]

It's not weird because BFing a toddler, a small child or even a much older child is not your choice.

You cannot make a baby latch on and feed, you certainly can't make a 7 year old child.

DD2 choose to carry in feeding and she learnt how to do it as she grew and lost the adaptations that make it easy for a baby. She found a way of making BFing carry on working because it was important to her. I didn't have to night wean her or teach her not to ask in public, she instinctively knew how not to annoy me.

She had non of societies hang ups about boobs being for sex, for her they were for food, comfort and security. Her place of refuge from having to be the very bright confident child the world sees.

My only part in this was not to choose some arbitrary date to say no, I can't feed you any longer because boobs are for babies and sex.

She'd have shot me down in flames and said "don't be stupid mum. Lots of your DFs fed their DCs long after they were babies and sex is something you have with daddy. Now stop being silly and move that nasty underwired bra."

[badguider]

It's not 'bad manners' I just said she hasn't taught him any 'good manners' - there's a difference I think :)

'good manners' would be to ask for milk at 3.5yrs rather than just reaching up and grabbing a boob out of her top as she leans over to pick her purse out of her bag or whatever...

but no, it really doesn't bother me that SHE chooses that, but it puts me off feeding my own child to that age because I wouldn't be able to handle that lack of control...

[Cosydressinggown]

It is odd. I've heard cow's milk referred to as 'normal milk'. As in 'I don't want my baby to have formula, I just moved them straight to normal milk'. It's like people have forgotten that just because this is the commonly available milk doesn't mean it isn't juice squeezed from the breasts of a cow!

If you turned around and said, 'Hey, fancy a glass of dog milk?' they'd think you were insane, but really how is this different?

I think when you're bfing your kid is only ever one day older than they were the day before, so it never suddenly feels too old or too weird. I stopped BFing my DD just after she turned 1 and at the time feeding felt normal but a few weeks later I looked at her and couldn't imagine breastfeeding her.

In rare cases, I think mums feeding older toddlers lose perspective, and do odd things like feed on demand (when I wouldn't let my toddler drink/snack every ten minutes) and persist when it's really clear their child has lost interest (had this with a friend) so it becomes more about their need to feed than the child's.

[OHforDUCKScake]

I understand what you mean, its an odd thing to witness if you havent been there.

This is where Thisway is right, in that I intended to breast feed my child until self weaning, but I didnt realise that wouldnt be able to have a bath without him lurching at me. He was playing with his boats, I leant across to get some soap and he just latched on. He didnt even want a boob. But dangle it it in front of his face and the inevitable will happen.

I had a kitten latch onto my breast once, someone should have taught her manors. Made me jump out my bloomin skin, that did.

Id like to think if I was breast feeding my son when he was 3.5 that we'd have a talk about how he goes about having a boob.

I think they could understand at 3.5.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Cosy' this happened to me. My eldest chose to stop breast feeding at 11 months. And just 3 days after I stopped breast feeding I remember looking at him and being completely unable to imagine breast feeding him. It was a feeling that really shocked me. I couldnt believe how quickly I went from not only wanting to breast feed him, but to continue to breast feed him (I didnt want to stop) to finding the idea of breast feeding him very odd indeed!

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

I think dontmind has said it far more eloquently than I did - but that is exactly how I feel!!!

Someone asked up post if I was being harangued about the issue - the answer to that is no. But the recent post reminded of a couple of things - the furore and coverage the documentary on extended BFers got, and an incident which I experienced a while ago at a playgroup where a toddler was fed (the baby was 14 months old) which caused whispers, staring, comments and generally an uncomfortable atmosphere by a significant number of the other mothers.

Like I said, I didn't breast feed all that long - and am in no pro or anti either. I think it's a personal choice and don't care what others do.

But the point dontmind makes about certain milk being 'normal' etc - that's what I don't understand. The rationalisation of cows milk being 'normal', but generally BFing being the exception.

[Tenacity]

I find it strange that some people are repulsed by breast feeding.
To my mind, that is a really skewered and 'messed up' mindset.

[ThisWayForCrazy]

My eldest is 15, so the thought of him doing it is a bit ick haha.

But my middle child is 3 in July, Occasionally he asks for booby and I allow him to. He asks out of jealousy as his you get brother has lots of mummy cuddles and he thinks this is the way he can get mummy cuddles. He isn't old enough yet to realise that he does have lots of mummy cuddles too. I don't feel weird allowing him to, I have tandem fed on and off for the last 20 months.

[OHforDUCKScake]

It is skewed and possibly messed up. We can blame our parents and/or society for that one. 100%

I think I must be utterly oblivious to 'stares and bad whispers' because ive never endured such a thing.

I cant actually imagine it happening tbh, I find it difficult to believe as well.

Or perhaps I find it difficult to believe it happening where I live. I could say the same for other areas.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Thisway can he still latch correctly? I was wondering recently how long a child has to go before they forgetnhoe to latch....

[AprilFoolishness]

Yes yes to the feeling of 'forgetting' how to bf very quickly. I wonder if that's part of it - we're genetically hard wired to move on very quickly as soon answer stop bf,so it's very hard for us to see other women ding just the opposite - even if rationally we know it makes perfect sense.

[AprilFoolishness]

Argh, sorry for typos.

[WafflyVersatile]

It's been socialised out of us. Plenty of people are still a bit uncomfortable when women bf babies.

When I was first in the room with my SIL bfing I wasn't entirely comfortable. I know it's natural but my SILs boobs had been a private thing up until now that I was not privy to.

We eat meat but most people would find witnessing a cow being slaughtered quite upsetting. It's been socialised out of us. We're no longer used to it, removed from it.

In other countries families happily sit in saunas naked together and that is perfectly fine. Yes. It is. Except I find the thought of doing it with my family utterly repulsive. I can theoretically know that it is fine but viscerally, emotionally I can't abide the idea. Urgh.

[monicalewinski]

I disagree totally that it is skewered and messed up - it is just different horses for courses. There is no absolute right or wrong, we live in an age where formula is a totally fine substitute for breastmilk and the individual chooses their method.

That people do it for an extended period or not at all is their business alone, loads of people have given their honest feelings on why they didn't on this thread (which you don't really hear as it's normally a huge bunfight) and it's totally normal to them not to.

I hope that people who don't get why some folk are so repulsed by bf have a better understanding of people's motivations now and it would be a shame for this thread to turn towards the personal.

[Impatientwino]

Why on earth would you use such a revolting word as nazi?